Self Centered World

We live in a self centered society today. If you turn the television on you'll likely see a commercial that's solicited by sex or at least some form of self image (and not in a goldy manner, I might add.) Television shows and movies are about lying, cheating, getting more money, and filled with airbrushed actors in which set the standard for which we are to look. Moms are putting toddlers in pageants with their faces caked with makeup. Children are being taught younger and younger that their self worth is measured by how pretty/handsome they are, the special talents they have, how many people accept them, and how much "stuff" they own. Sure, it helps when a child is loved and nurtured at home and taught that they don't have to fall into the lie, but you nearly have to literally get things out of your life to prevent this from happening.

Now that I'm a mom to a girl and a boy, Grant and I feel double the responsibility to teach not only Raylea to love and honor her body and to be modest in this day and time; but also to teach Jack that he needs to treat women with respect and also keep both of their hearts protected from the sins the devil would love them to be involved in. I pray always not only my children will have a young salvation and have a special anointing on their lives, but that they will love the Lord their God with all of their heart, with all of their soul, and all their mind. (Matthew 22:37)

I am not one of those people who claim to know all about parenting. I have a ways to go before I am in any position to give advice past potty training and leaning the alphabet. But, one thing I have already got figured out is this- if my kids don't see God in Grant and myself on a daily basis- it won't make a lick of difference how many Bible verses Raylea memorizes, how often we pray together, or even if she has a perfect attendance at church. Those are all important things and even commanded that we do so, but what difference will it make to Raylea if she saw me wear a maxi skirt to church on Sunday and a mini skirt on a date with her daddy. It would make a huge difference- a negative one. Not only is modesty very important to me, but I believe it says a lot about the kind of relationship you have with God. I understand it's hard to find modest clothing these days, being that belly shirts are the thing, but so are chunky sweaters. I'm kind of kidding-- but not really. My point is this, you will use the brain the Lord gave you to ask yourself when you put something on, whether it's a tank top, jeans, or dress- if you feel you are drawing attention to yourself (you know the kind of attention I'm talking about..) then put something else on. Just incase you didn't know, that goes for you boys, too. You want to attract a good, godly girl, right? Well, then stop putting out bait to catch the wrong kind of girl by wearing your muscle shirts. You're welcome. Moving on now.

Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram... there are many more social media sites that YES, can be used as a great mission field by Christians. So, don't get offensive on me and think that I am anti-social media. But, I have learned this past year that my life, personally is much better without those.

Grant and I deleted our accounts we had on a social media site together, and on the same day we called our cable company and had it disconnected. Not saying we will never get cable back, but with all the time and money we've saved by not having it, (not to mention all the junk we haven't had to view-- commercials are awful these days.) I don't see us getting cable again in the near future, and maybe not ever.

There is quite a lot of negative when it comes to these sites, in my opinion.
It's an instant process of being seen by however many people follow, friend or fan you, being "liked" or "retweeted" and instantly gratified. Not all Christians and not all people in general use these sites for those purposes, but being that they are saturated with #selfie and #me I am pretty sure the main purposes for the sites have become sin stricken, just like anything does that doesn't have God in the center of it.

I fully believe we are drowning in a digital, social-media sea of computer generated, retro-filtered "me" or "about me" portraits or status updates and it's a proof of the takeover of narcissistic traits: displays of pure egocentrism, inordinate self-fascination, exaggerated and excessive preoccupation with vanity. By all appearance of these sites, what's on television and what sells books and magazines, this is an era of "it's all about me."  Your car, your kids, your house, your clothes, your newest possessions, your mood, all is seen and nothing is private anymore.

Freshman girl in college whose parents just bought you the 30,000 dollar car, before posting your new "baby" online, think about the girl whose parents are struggling financially and how she had to ride the school bus all through high school because they couldn't afford to buy her a used car. Mom to that toddler, before posting the status update of how frustrated you are at your kid, think of the women who physically can't have a child of their own, and continually long to. Social media is a window into our lives and often times we can hurt others without knowing it or meaning to. I had several women in my life who followed me on my account, and even though my recent pregnancy was a 100% miracle and blessing all in one from God, when I would post a photo that was pregnancy related, I didn't hardly even think about how it made my good friends feel, who couldn't conceive or who are trying to. I'm not saying you need to hide in a hole and hide your blessings, but just pray about the type of things your post and say on your sites to ensure you wouldn't hurt feelings or make anyone feel bad. God wants us to be sensitive to others, so that is a good thing, not bad.

We're losing the value of life and meaningful relationships. Instead of a friend giving you a compliment (or telling you to never wear it again, haha) in person, you either receive a like or not on social media. I've heard even (adults..) talk about not following many people because it helps the ratio of how many followers they have vs. the amount of people they follow in return. So, there's not only a number attached with how many likes or thumbs up you receive, but also how many "friends" you have.

I can't tell you how many times Grant and I have tried to have conversations with each other (when we had social media) or with others and it was hard to get the person to pay 100% attention to you because they had their nose stuck in their phone. Not many people can even carry a conversation anymore because texting is the first option they chose in communicating, which to me, is a one sided conversation, until the other person finds time to respond, if ever.

Some people place an unhealthy amount of self worth in their social media accounts, some could care less about it. How you regulate activity and how it effects you, is between you and God, not me and you.

 I am simply stating my concern of the world our children are being brought up in and reminding parents that it's your job to teach your children where their true self-worth comes from--- God!

We plan on raising (and are attempting to do so now!) Raylea, Jack and any other future children to be confident daughters and sons of the King!

As always I appreciate you taking time to read what I have to say and mostly, I hope what I say challenges you to love the Lord more and remember to always allow His love to be ENOUGH. Too often we feel we need extras in our life.

It really is that simple. Phones, internet, television, they are all distractions to some extent. My motto has always been, "if this isn't helping me be a better Christian or helping me live a holy life, then why do I have it?" Whether that is a friendship, a book, a movie, a possession, a social-media site... just ask yourself about ALL of the things in your life that take up any amount of time and if they/it is helping you be better in Christ. If the answer is no, simply get rid of it. You have no time to waste.

God BLESS and make sure YOU bless God!




2015

 

 

I officially lived my first day in 2015.

 

Honestly, doesn't seem real.

 

Like the little kid said on the YouTube video... "Is this real life?!"

 

Ya, it is. It really is.

 

Today I started teaching Raylea out of a homeschool curriculum. It was great. I had to wait until Jack was asleep for a nap to start with her, but at about 4pm, we began. She kept calling me "Mrs. Mommy," and reminding me that I was her teacher. We haven't decided yet if homeschooling is for us, but today was great.

 

Now that Jack is nearly 3 months old, I am finally back into the swing of things, well, my new swing of things. I wandered the other day what I did before Raylea. Then, I wandered what I did before Raylea and Jack. Ya, people tried to kindly warn me that two kids is a bit different than one, but I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "It'll be fine." Yes, it's been fine, but it's been different, too.

 

I now have two kids to love, feed, bathe, dress, teach, pray for, and show all my attention to. The transition has actually went pretty smooth compared to the stories I heard from others. Raylea loves her brother so much. But... she sure does miss being me and Daddy's one and only I think. So, we make sure to take turns each day to spend time with her, undivided. And she loves it.

 

The other day someone needed prayer, so we prayed. As soon as she was done she said, "are they better now?"

 

That got me thinking!

 

Wow. I been missing something in my prayer life.

 

Faith.

 

But not just regular faith...

 

Child-like faith.

 

Raylea prayed and then expected it to be answered right away.

 

I told her, "I'm sure they're feeling better."

 



I was sure they were because I knew God would honor her faith!

 

Sure enough, the next day when I talked to that person, they were feeling better.

 

Jack is sick right now with a bad cough and nearly every time he coughs, she puts her hands together, closes her eyes and says, "God, please help baby Jack's cough to go away, in Jesus name I pray, Amen."

 

It has really made me check myself. Check my faith.

 

I know God hears my prayers, but I truly feel we need to expect God to answer when we ask Him to, according to His will.

 

So, Raylea Jo, thank you for reminding me what prayer should be linked to. What it's meant to be saturated in. What it's meant to mean.

 

Faith.

 

Whatever you're praying about...

 

your body to be healed of a sickness that doctors can't seem to fix.

 

your son to surrender all to God.

 

your daughter to get out of the relationship she's in.

 

your dad to come back home.

 

your anger.

 

your jealousy.

 

your pride.

 

Whatever it is, God can and will answer you, according to His perfect will.

 

So, although I didn't follow through with my "memorize a verse each week for 2014" resolution which ended after about a month, (I'm always awful at resolutions..) I think this year I will keep this one's.

 

I resolve to have more faith when I pray. More faith than ever before.

 

Because I have a lot of things that need to happen and to be done in my life.

 

God, help us all to have a child-like faith this year, and always.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I haven't said it lately, thank you to those who regularly read my posts.

 

It means a lot that what I have to say interest a couple hundred people. Even if it was just one, I promise I would still write, because God told me to.

 

But thank you for taking time to read what I have to say and for the ones who encourage me to write.

 

I promise it means more to me than you'll ever know.

 

 

Take a little time

 

 

Take a little time to...

 

 

 

 

 

meet a friend for lunch.

 

read a few books to your children at bedtime.

 

pray together as a family.

 

tell your wife she is beautiful.

 

call your grandpa and tell him you love him.

 

have a family over for dinner.

 

or take a family a meal.

 

kiss your husband hello, goodbye, and goodnight.

 

drink hot coco with your daughter.

 

tell your parents how much they mean to you.

 

let the dishes and clothes go. They can wait... babies will grow up and be gone one day. You'll always have dishes and clothes to do later.

 

turn the electronics off. Yes, that means your iPhone and the football game.

 

take a walk outside.

 

thank God for all He has given you.

 

thank God for all He has kept from you.

 

go on a date with your husband.

 

buy your wife some flowers. A card is a nice touch, too.

 

call someone who's been going through a rough time.

 

make a homemade meal.

 

go get ice cream with your best friend.

 

go on a random road trip.

 

tell your daughter she is pretty.

 

take your daughter on a date. Show her how a man is supposed to treat her.

 

take your niece shopping. I will never forget when my Uncle Troy did that for me. One of the most fun days in my childhood.

 

make a bubble bath and soak it up.

 

pray over your children. Daily.

 

go to church. It's what God wants you to do anyways.

 

thank the person who led you in the sinner's prayer, if someone did. I try to thank Jason and Anna Bruns each year on March 15th, the day I was saved.

 

go apple picking.

 

go to the zoo with your grandkids. One day they will be grown up and the zoo will be the last thing they are interested in.

 

build a snowman with your daughter... (who is crazy about Olaf.)

 

buy your son the pair of shoes he has been wanting.

 

buy the person's food who is in the drive-thru line behind you.

 

take your nephew fishing.

 

tell your in-laws how much they mean to you.

 

make your husband breakfast in bed.

 

make the bed for your wife.

 

go see someone sick in the hospital. I'm sure you'll appreciate it if you're ever there, in that hard bed.

 

invite a stranger to church. You'd be surprised how many people don't go anywhere.

 

listen to the birds sing.

 

go hunting with your brother.

 

take your kids to see Christmas lights.

 

bake cookies with friends.

 

have a bible study in your house.

 

send someone a letter in the mail. Those are the best.

 

 

 

 

 

Take a little time to just...

 

take time.

 

Stop rushing.

 

Stop tying to perfect your home, possessions, appearance.

 

Those who really love you, will love you for you, not for what you are or what you've been, or what you're going to be.

 

Look at the hard times in your life. When you were down and out. Think of the people who never left your side. Don't take them for granted. True friends are rare.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Take a little time to do one of the things on this list right now.

 



Nadine Ledbetter

 

 

 

 

Year 2006.

 

Grant and I had began dating.

 

Or, "courting," as he liked to call it.

 

The main person he wanted me to meet and have their approval of me I could tell, (next to his parents) was his Grandma Nadine.

 

The first time I met her I was so nervous because of how highly he spoke of her.

 

Thankfully, she liked me, and I liked her!

 

For about a month she called me Heidi, though. I wasn't so sure about that. :)

 

Year 2007.

 

Grant and I got engaged.

 

When we hung out during our dating days and engagement, we spent a good half of it at Grandma Nadine's house.

 

There was so much peace in her home.

 

I loved to stay the night with her on weekends when I wasn't working and we would sit and watch the news or she would have me read the Bible to her.

 

Later in the year Grant and I got married. On December 29th, to be exact.

My "something old" for the wedding was a hair barrette she wore when she was a teenager. I keep it in a special spot in my house.

 

 

 

Year 2008.

 

Since we lived only a couple minutes from her house, we spent even more time at her house.

 

Sometimes I would go to her house and pick her up and take her back to my house.

 

She would sit in my recliner and watch me clean. She seemed so entertained by that. It made me want to clean really good since she was watching me so intently.

 

When I would go to her house we would sit on her front porch and watch the birds and the squirrels. When they ate all their food she would ask me to go put more out for them. She loved watching them.

 

I asked her if she had ever had a Starbucks coffee. She said no. So, I got her in my car and pulled over to Starbucks. I said, "I have my Grandma with me and this is her first time here!" She said, "I want black American coffee." It was the cutest thing. I felt so honored buying her that cup.

 

Once we were sitting there watching T.V. and she said, "you want to watch Dolly Parton's funeral?" I said, "she isn't dead!" She said, "yes, she is! Get that VDV (She got a DVD mixed up and would call it a VDV) and put it in!"

 

So, I put in the DVD and on the screen said, "Home going Celebration of Dottie Rambo"

We both laughed and laughed.

 

Another time we were driving down the road and I asked her when she thought it would be a good time for Grant and I to have kids. Because I wanted kids the day after our honeymoon was over!

 

She thought for a minute and said, "..I do wish Jack and I would have had more time alone together." They married when she was 16 and soon after started having kids. Eight to be exact! My father-in-law, Danny being the youngest of the boys. It made me think and appreciate the moments and days I had with just Grant and me.

 

I was driving her to church once and I said, "you are my role model." She said, "well, Hannah, you are quite the role model to me, too."

 

Just typing that makes me tear up. I will never forget how much that meant to me. That the biggest prayer warrior I knew, said that to me.

 

Later in November we were driving around again, and I said, "When is the last time you been to the zoo?" She said she couldn't remember.

 

So, I pulled over to the zoo and said to her, "I will be right back." She said, "I don't feel like going in there." I said, "I will be right back." and I hurried along as she waited in my car.

 

I came back pushing a wheel chair and I was surprised how easily she got in it, with no arguing with me.

 

I pushed her around that zoo for at least an hour or two and she laughed so hard at the gorilla who banged on the window at her.  I was sore for a week after that day though because you have to do a lot up walking up and down in that zoo. It was so worth it though.

 

Once I was at her house giving her a pedicure with my feet stuff and while I was bent over scrubbing her feet, she placed her hand on me and just patted me so soft and loving. She knew I loved her and I knew she loved me. I like to think we were very special friends.

 

 

 

Year 2009.

 

Grant had a whole month of revivals scheduled in California, so when we left to drive away the last place we stopped at was Grandma Nadine's house. She wept and cried when Grant said goodbye to her. She loved him special.

 

 

 

April 2009.

 

We flew home for a wedding Grant was going to be in.

 

Grandma was in the hospital with some stomach issues.

 

We got off the plane and went to her room in the hospital and she was asleep.

 

Grant went over to her and said, "Grandma?"

 

She said, "Is that that you, Grant? Is that my boy?"

 

She woke right up when he hugged and kissed her.

 

We felt like something wasn't right with her. Like, something bad.

 

The next day they found cancer in her. They gave her a few days, max.

 

It was awful.

 

Her son in law, Darrel told her the news as we all watched.

 

He said, "you can have this surgery and it may help for a little while but it may not. And it will be really hard on you. Or you have just a few days left."

 

She looked at him with such peace and said, "I think I'll just go on home."

 

I wanted to tell her "goodbye" before she got too bad to hear me anymore. It was the hardest thing I have ever done to this day. I said, "Grandma, I love you. You've been like my best friend." I started crying so hard I couldn't talk anymore. She patted me and said, "I love you, Hannah. You are going to be an excellent mother to your children one day."

 

The next day seemed to drag. It was so awful watching her lay there and not get up. I helped take turns with Judy, her daughter, put a wet wash cloth on her mouth to help keep it from getting so dry.

 

 Grant just wept on her. He could hardly speak. She said, "Don't cry son, I'm just on my way home." That gave him much peace. Peace that passes all understanding.

 

 

May 1st, 2009

 

Home. Heaven. That's where she wanted to go.. and not long after, on May 1st, that is where she went.

 

 

 

 

 

October 10th, 2011, Grant and I had our first baby, Raylea Jo Ledbetter.

 

December 15th, 2013, Grant and I had our baby, August Shalom, go to Heaven while in my belly.

 

October 13th, 2014, Grant and I welcomed our baby boy, Jack Gannon Ledbetter.

 

 

 

Jack was Nadine's husband.

 

I never got to meet him, but one day I will.

 

Today, October 25th, 2014, Grandma would have been 98 years old.

 

I feel beyond blessed to be able to raise my little boy, who is named after her husband, Jack.

 

 

Time is too short to not let those you love know it.

 

I am so blessed by Grant, Raylea and now Jack.

 

They are my best friends in the world.

 

I always pray I will be an excellent mother to my children, just like Nadine told me I would.

 

This post may be a little different from those in the past, but I wanted to honor my buddy today.

 

I love and miss her dearly, but one day I will be with her forever.

 

And if you know Jesus as your personal Savior, you will too!

 



I love you.

 

These things I command you, that ye love one another.

 

John 15:17

 

This is probably one of the most ignored scriptures among us Christians.

 

Jealousy, hatred and gossip has snuck into the Church and we seem to be okay with that.

 

When somebody fails at something, it's the main topic circuiting around.

 

When somebody sees a soul saved or finds something awesome in the Bible and they want to share it with others, it's not really all that interesting.

 

We live in such a perverse world that it seems we have slowly but surely went against a huge commandment the Lord asked us to do.

 

love one another

 

 

 

Charity means love.

 

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth---

 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

 

 

We've all heard this scripture a hundred times, likely in a message at church or at wedding ceremony. It's several people's favorite passage and many have it memorized or atleast know where it's at in the Bible.

 

 

 

 

suffereth long.

 

Christian love is enduring and suffers through many trials and tribulations.

 

Nowadays, we get into one little fight with our spouse and we call up our best friend and rat him/her out and make them look awful. Or worse-- we call up our parents and clue them in on how awful our spouse is being. Or, I've even heard of people going online and venting for everyone on the internet to hear about how upset they are over something they will likely get over by morning.

 

Nowadays, we divorce our "one and only love" when the going gets tough. We just know we deserve someone who will treat us better than what they have treated us for all these years.

 

 

 

 

 

and is kind.

 

Well. That's a simple characteristic I am attempting to teach Raylea right now, to be kind and gentle to others. But, as a toddler and as adults as we all are, it's just not always that easy.

 

Unless, we are allowing God to be in control of our attitudes, thoughts and words, moment by moment.

 

Siblings fight constantly, parents fight with their children and spouses are constantly putting each other down and nagging at one another.

 

I'm pretty sure we are far, far from being kind.

 

 

 

 

 

envieth not.

 

Have you ever felt discontent or had a resentful longing caused by someone else's possessions, qualities or achievements?

 

That person got a raise at work when you're the one who has worked so hard and never complains.

 

That girl has the most perfect hair, face and clothes.

 

Those people always have the nicest looking yard and home.

 

That guy can sing so good and everyone always compliments him.

 

That lady always has a new friend with her and seems so happy all the time.

 

That guy is way better at basketball than you, and you work at it all the time when it comes to natural to him.

 

Your best friend is always making straight A's while you barely pass each class.

 

That lady is in the best shape of her life while you are in your worst.

 

That guy always makes everyone laugh and seems to be the center of attention while you struggle to hold a conversation with others.

 

That woman seems to always make her husband so happy and proud while your husband is always pointing out what you do wrong or need to change.

 

That girl seems to always have her children under control and I can barely get mine to sit still.

 

 

 

The list of examples could literally go on and on.

 

But love doesn't envy.

 

The world is full of it though.

 

 

 

 

 

vaunted not itself, is not puffed up.

 

Turn on any sports channel. You're bound to hear an athlete bragging of their own accomplishments.

 

Look on social media. Everyone is taking #selfies.

 

Go to the work place. Everyone is trying to get to a higher level with a better title.

 

When somebody does someone else a favor, they want to parade around and let everyone know how special they are for being so kind to others.

 

Do you praise yourself?

 

Let someone else do it. Please.

 

 

 

 

 

Doth not behave itself unseemingly.

 

People are rude, often times.

 

It doesn't matter if it's your spouse, your best friend or your kid.

 

Or better yet, you.

 

We want to point our finger at others, especially when we're under conviction, but let's just all be honest and admit we all have the ability to be straight up rude.

 

 

 

 

 

seeketh not her own.

 

What's on your mind right now? Or what was on your mind before you started reading this?

 

Probably something that had to do with you.

 

What you're going to have for dinner.

 

What you're wanting to buy but don't have the money for.

 

What you're wanting to do with your friends this weekend.

 

What you're planning on doing to your hair at the next appointment.

 

What you're planning on decorating your home with.

 

What you're planning on wearing to church next week.

 

What you're going to do on your next vacation.

 

What you're going to ask for your birthday.

 

 

The society we live in today teaches us to think and act with your own self-interests in mind without regard for the needs, concerns, and desires of others.

 

Do you seek your own praise, profit or pleasure?

 

 

 

 

 

is not easily provoked.

 

People can say pretty mean things. Or annoying things. Or just un-thoughtful things.

It's up to you to decide to not let them provoke you, whether they mean to or not.

 

 

 

 

 

thinketh no evil.

 

This is a tough one. The world we live in has evil literally all around.

 

The music.

 

The television.

 

Celebrities.

 

Movies.

 

Commercials and ads on billboards or pictures in the mall.

 

Language that people carelessly use.

 

Abortion.

 

Abuse.

 

Adultery.

 

 

You must guard your mind, ears and eyes if you want to think no evil.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth.

 

Do you celebrate when you hear of something unfair or evil happening, or do you celebrate in Christ?

 

 

 

 

 

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

 

 

LOVE NEVER FAILS.

 

 

 

Love your enemy. That person who did you wrong and everyone knows it, love them.

Love them even if they said awful things about you and you know it to be true. LOVE them.

 

Love your spouse. Sure they aren't perfect, but neither are you.

 

Love your parents. Maybe you haven't spoken to them in 20 years or maybe the last words you had with them involved the words, "I hate you." Call them up, write them a letter, fly to their state and drive up to their house. Tell them you love them. One day, they won't be here for you to talk to.

 

Love your kids. Maybe they have hurt you worse than you thought possible. Forgive them. God forgave you. You need to forgive them and stop holding the past over their head.

 

Love your siblings. You may not have them in 10 years to just "hang out with." So stop being so busy with work, school, traveling, life... and just spend time with them and get along.

 

Love your friends. Maybe they have the car, home, kids, spouse and life you dream of having.

If that's the case, I take you back to that part of the verse that says love doesn't envy. Be happy for them! Ask God to show you all the blessings in your life and he will help you to have a thankful heart. Not full of envy and jealousy. Those things will destroy a relationship.

 

Love your neighbor. Invite them to church. Let them see God in you outside of church so that they will want what you have! Wave at them and smile when you pass their home whether they wave and smile back, or not!

 

Love God. He is the only way you will know how to love. Accept Him. Accept His love for you.

 

Then, my friend, you will truly learn how to love yourself and others.

 

By the way... I love you!

 

 



Sometimes, things turn out different...

 

 

As a young girl I remember feeling stuck. I felt I would never change. I would remain 10 years old forever. I dreamt of what it would be like to be an adult. Be able to do what I want. Eat what I wanted. Not eat what I didn’t want to. No school work. No snotty girls in the hallway. No designated bedtime.

 

Now, I’m nearly 26. Gone are the days where my mom can make me eat my whole dinner plate. (Now, I am making my little girl eat all the food off of hers.) I have been married 7 years nearly. I remember thinking as Grant and I were dating, “we will never have a disagreement..” Well, if you’re reading this and you’re married, you know the truth behind that. We all have disagreements. I have been a mom now for nearly 3 years, (not counting the months I was pregnant with my first.) I remember before I was a mom, thinking to myself how being a mom, especially a stay at home mom, would be such a simple and fun job. The first few weeks after leaving the hospital with our firstborn, Grant and I both realized being a parent is not for cowards, wimps or half-hearted folk. I thought I would never make it through as a new parent the first couple months, but sure enough, I did.

 

I’ve been saved for 8 and ½ years. I remember making plans to go to college at a school a few hours away in which I had a good scholarship lined out for. I had many, many plans. Then, I got saved. My plans, desires and path changed. Completely. Have you ever seen those awful pictures on tabloids as you stand in the line at the supermarket, the ones of celebrities before and after make-up? Well, that was the kind of change my soul had. It went from U-G-L-Y, to gorgeous. I didn’t change overnight. I am still changing actually. Every day I learn something new from God, and I do whatever I can to apply it. But I sure did change from that day forward!

 

I definitely don’t want to go back to being 10. I don’t want to go back to the time Grant and I were dating, and I don’t want to go back to the time in which I didn’t have a little toddler to chase around 24/7. I most definitely don’t want to go back to the time in which I didn’t know Jesus.

 

What I have learned, just today, through a situation that was pretty serious, is this;

 

I can close my eyes and imagine what it may be like one day… if.

If I was an adult.

If I was married.

If I was a mom.

And the truth of it all is, things don’t always pan out how you think they will.

 

Being an adult can be hard. You have financial stress and pressure.

Being married can be hard. You don’t always agree and you each now how to irritate the other better than anyone else knows how to.

Being a mom can be hard. You live in a state of exhaustion, and you don’t realize it.

 

I know God makes no mistakes, and someone had to remind me of that recently. Satan had tried telling me for some time that I was not very good at anything I did.

Wife. Mom. Friend. Daughter. Daughter-in-law. Sister. Sister-in-law. Granddaughter. Niece. Cousin. Writer. Christian.

Every single role I play, the devil made me believe I am not good at any of them. Thankfully, he only had me convinced for a short time, but nonetheless, he did have me convinced.

 

I believe he knew I was an easy target because I try so hard and I love so deep.

 

I want to make Grant happy. I want him to be sad to leave home and happy to come back. I want to please and satisfy him as his help meet and his best friend. I want to be everything for him. I haven’t always been the best wife. I am still not the best, but I want to be the best God can make me be for him. I want that truly more than anything. One day, Raylea, Jack and if there are any more to come, will all be grown up and gone. Grant will be who is left in my home. I want to make sure I invested much energy and love into him now, so when it’s just us again, he will know he was always number one in my life, after God of course.

 

I want to be a good mom. I want to be the world’s best in Raylea and Jack’s eyes. I know I get frustrated with Ray at times, (she is almost 3.) But I try very hard to teach her about Jesus and I try very hard to show her the love that I have felt from him. I want to be the wife, mom and Christian she wants to be like. Jack will be here in just 11 weeks, or less. I want to teach him all about Jesus and I know Grant will show him the type of husband and dad he should strive to be.

 

Each day, it may not turn out just like how I imagined it, but if I am seeking God and asking Him for his protection and direction, things must be turning out the way He wants them to.

 

And that’s all that matters.

 

So, don't focus so much on what you want.

But, focus on what God is doing.

 

And just be satisfied with that.

 

After every storm, there's a rainbow...

That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

1 Peter 1:7

Something happened to me today, that has never happened before. I went to open my blog that I have worked on for a month and it was gone. Not there. Deleted.

I prayed and I just suppose the Lord wanted me to re-write and maybe bring some new things to my mind.

Today though, I woke up and saw the calendar.

August 1st.



Last December, as most of you probably remember, we found out we were pregnant and we miscarried that baby all within the same week. It was Christmas not long after that day, and looking back, it all seems like a blur. I was there, but my heart was somewhere far, far away.

Unless you've wanted a baby, and then lost that baby, you don't know the pain, as hard as you try to imagine it. I used to always say it would never happen to me. But it did.

There were some pretty unthoughtful things said during that month.

I learned that not everyone thinks before they talk. I knew that before, but I really got it then.

The hugs, the silence, those who shared tears with me, the flowers, the prayers. That’s what I will really remember though.

True friends are sad in your sadness and happy in your happiness.

I will never forget those who were sad and sensitive to us.

We were encouraged by some friends who lost their baby as well a few months prior, to name our baby, even though we didn’t know their gender.

August Shalom is what we named that precious little baby.

August 18th was their "due date" and Shalom means "peace."

It makes my heart happy when someone calls my baby by name instead of referring to them as “the miscarriage.”
 

Just because they didn’t get to live as long as you or I doesn’t mean they don’t get a name too.

I struggled for a short time, but God gave me the most amazing peace.

Grant and I have a little girl, and we know the depths of a love you have for your child, so that baby dying was hard for us personally because we imagined loving that baby the way we do Raylea.

I don't know how it feels to lose a baby when you don't already have a child, but I know the pain is real for whoever it happens to. No matter the situation.

I am looking forward to the day to hold that sweet baby.

Until then, Jesus will hold them and He will hold my hand.

Since we miscarried so early on, we were able to try again after a couple months.

After just one month of being able to try we fell pregnant again.

I am now almost 7 months pregnant with a growing, healthy little boy.

Jack Gannon.

We can’t wait to meet you and hold you and kiss you all over.

I am so excited to see all that God does with our children.

I know that if we place them in His hands and we lead them and teach them and show them the right way, they will not depart from it. I believe that strongly.

I want to be a real mom. A real wife. A real friend.

A real Christ follower.

I don’t question the fact that we have a child in Heaven.

I don’t question that Jack is to be here.

I don’t question tomorrow.

I am getting better every day at simply trusting God’s plan and timing.

Sometimes I want something.

And I want it now.

You know what I mean?

Maybe it’s a child for you.

Maybe it’s money to pay the bills.

Maybe it’s patience.

God is the answer to all things.

He’s the answer for your hurt.

He’s the answer for your marriage.

He’s the answer for the void in your life.

He’s the answer for your children.

He’s just the answer.

We maybe went through a trial.

A time that tested our faith.

But we came out stronger individually and as a couple and as a family.

You will come out stronger too!