Somebody has it worse!

Some people just have it worse.

I am someone who feels awful for anyone going through a hard time, even if it's just a toothache.

And let's be real... a toothache can be a very big deal!

I hate to see someone hurting when recovering from a surgery, even if I have been through the same thing.

I hate seeing someone have the flu, because I get the flu once a year and it stays for about a week usually. And I usually am thinking I am going to die that week because of how awful I feel.

I hate to see someone hurting from the loss of an unborn child. I have been there. Sure, everyones experience is different, like all things in life, but I know what the sting feels like when losing someone you have never met. I used to think, "oh, that would be so hard to go through." Then, I went through it. And the word "hard," doesn't come close to how it really is.

I can't stand to see someone be lonely, and wait and wait for their spouse to show up one day, and years later, they still haven't arrived.

I can't stand to see someone struggle with their self-worth.

I really hate to see someone commit suicide.

Or even contemplate it.

I grew up in a home where my dad was an alcoholic until I was 12. That wasn't always easy, but I know someone on a personal level who is married and gone from their home and her dad has not only been an alcoholic, but also into drugs, in and out of jail/prison and just finished a divorce with his high school sweet heart.

I would love a big family. 3 or 4 kids. Grant would like 10 I think! We have a healthy, smart, beautiful little girl who is 2 years old here with us to love and cherish. I have a friend who just found out she basically can never carry or give birth to her own child. I have another friend who recently lost her baby boy at 21 weeks pregnant. No reason. No infection. Nothing wrong with her or him. It just happened. No answers.

 You want to talk about hard. That would be hard. And I saw this girl do nothing but hold her head high through it all. And her husband. They have shown me what it is to be true trusters of Christ. And not once have I seen either of them complain. Sure, they are human- but I think they are super human. I love that couple extra special..

I would love to travel to another country one day. Africa or Australia. Just to explore and eat their food and see the animals. But, every time I drive through Wichita, it never seems to fail, that their is somebody standing on the side the road with a card board sign explaining that they have no job or money and they have a family to feed.

Sometimes I don't feel good. A headache. A bellyache. A backache that last for weeks. Then, there is a man named Kevin. He is my little brother's father-in-law. He was in an awful accident at his work last summer where he worked for the rail-road and got ran over. His legs totally taken off. He is around 40 years old, and he will sit in a wheel chair for the rest of his life here on earth.

Sometimes I feel nobody cares. Nobody understands where I'm coming from... I have sat and cried because of the pain in my heart.

Then, I think of a Man. He came and died an awful death so that I could live life more abundantly and I could feel freedom in my heart and soul.

This last Saturday, March 15th, I was saved for 8 years. I want to do something special for my 10 year. I seriously look forward to that day more than any birthday or anniversary I know of. It was the best day of my life.

I have learned some life long lessons in the past 8 years. Some were not easy to go through, but now that I look back, I see why God allowed me to go through what I did. A lesson I have recently learned, even though I have always heard it from my mom, is...

"Someone always has it worse."

Ya, it's usually not what you want to hear when your problem seems so huge... and yes, sometimes it is huge! But, it's just the truth.

Someone out there is dying of cancer and throwing up every few minutes in their last few weeks of life while you are feeling sorry for yourself about your neck being out.

Someone out there is praying and fasting with their spouse for the past several years for a child, while you complain about your toddler that won't stop throwing fits.

Someone is out there working as hard as they can to make ends meet while you complain that your WIC card hasn't come in the mail. (I'm guessing that is how is works..)

Someone out there is sitting at home alone while their fiancé is in war across seas while you're whining about your fiancé not helping you pick out cupcakes for the reception.

Someone out there goes home each day after school to a home where they are abused, physically and mentally, while you smart off to your parents because they won't buy you the new "cool" item everyone at school has.

Someone out there is thirsty. They haven't had pure drinking water their entire life. They battle with stomach infections constantly because of the bacteria growing in their water.

While you complain that the restaurants water is too nasty tasting or doesn't have enough ice in it.

Someone out there is burying their father today, while you hold a constant grudge over your father's head all because of something that happened years ago.

 Someone out there has no peace in their life while you bicker and fight with your "Christian" spouse 24/7. Wow, you are being such a great light to this world.

Someone out there would do anything for you to notice them, but you are too busy taking care of number 1 to even look their way.

Someone out there has it worse, very likely.

I'm not downplaying your pain. Trust me. I meant it when I said I feel so bad for someone who has a toothache.

What I am trying to express is that sometimes we, (myself very included) will act like our world is ending when we go through a tough time. Some tough times are tougher than others. My little brothers father-in-law, who lost his legs is a much bigger problem than you getting the flu. Not that the flu isn't awful and it can even be deadly... but we need to try to see how our problems could be so much worse, rather than being so mad at the hand we were dealt.

I honestly wrote this just for myself. I really don't care if anyone else even reads this.

It was a wonderful reminder to myself that someone out there has it worse than I do.

Pray for others and then pray for yourself.



Following the leader, the leader... the leader!

 

 

 

 

It's a game we all know how to play.

 

The leader walks to the left and everyone else follows him.

 

The leader walks in a circle, they follow.

 

I have a question for you.

 

Who are you following?

 

Often times, we follow the people we spend most time with. That is probably why when I first gave my heart to the Lord on March 15th, 2006, the woman who prayed the sinner's prayer with me, told me to tell my friends I got saved and to not spend anymore time with people who will bring me down.

 

That was the best counsel and advice I received. The group of people I spent my time with were not Christians. When I told them I got saved, they all looked at me like I was crazy.

 

Crazy, I am.

 

Crazy for Jesus!

 

Back to following the leader.

 

Who are you following?

 

And better yet, who are you leading? And where are you leading them?

 

As a parent, I know that how I talk, act, and react is likely how Raylea will talk, act, and react.

 

I want her to always be a godly girl. I want her to see Jesus in me.

 

That's my main goal in life, is to be a good example, to be Christ-like to not only strangers, but to those who live with me every day of my life.

 

I am following my husband.

 

I chose to follow him.

 

He leads me right.

 

He leads me in Truth, and he leads me to Christ.

 

I am so blessed to have a husband who leads me correctly.

 

I have some great friends. I know I am in a position, being much older than some of them, that I am able to lead them. Surprisingly though, some of those young friends of mine have lead me at times!

 

Then I have friends who are 45 years older than me, I lead them some days and some days they lead me. The idea is that we are helping each other in this life and leading each other towards Christ.

 

What I am trying to get at, is that you are leading someone and you are following someone.

 

Make sure that whoever you're following is in line with Christ, and make sure you are in line with Christ because many people are following you, whether you see it or not.

Make sure whoever you're following is following Christ.

And make sure you are following Christ, because whether you like it or not, someone out there is following you. Even if you don't see it.

 

So, check yourself.

 

Ask God for His help. I promise He will give it to you.

Remember your own evil ways

 

I was studying in Ezekiel last night and came across some scripture I don't recall reading ever before. In chapter 36, Ezekiel said that Israel would be restored as a nation and that they would return to its own land. God promised to restore Israel both physically and spiritually!

 

That isn't what I got out of this passage though.

What I found intriguing was verses 31 and 32.

 

 

 

   Then shall ye remember your own evil ways, and your doings that were not good, and shall lothe yourselves in your own sight for your iniquities and for your abominations.

   Not for your sakes do I this, saith the Lord GOD, be it known unto you: be ashamed and confounded for your own ways, O house of Israel.

 

 

 

 

This applies today. To me and to you.

 

People, we need to remember our evil ways. I don't care if you got saved at 5, 6, 7, 8 or 99 years old.

What matters is that we remember.

 

To me, evil is anything apart from God.

 

Even after we have accepted Christ and turned from our sins, we still are capable of sinning and though we have turned away, we still occasionally may sin.

 

I think there is a difference though in remaining in a sin and working on it daily.

 

Example. Lets say you cussed before you accepted Christ and after you accepted him you slipped!

 

You repent and ask God to help you not do that anymore.

 

You make a conscience effort to THINK before you talk and react.

 

I think the music you listen to and the shows and movies you watch play a huge role in what comes out of your mouth later.

 

It is true... what's goes in... comes out!

 

So, I'm not saying it's okay to cuss. I don't think it's okay at all, actually. I know Jesus wouldn't say the slang words and curse words people so often use today, so I don't want to either.

 

We are supposed to be Christ like, right?

 

That being said... when I got saved something I knew I needed to give up and not do anymore was listen to secular music. There are a ton of Christians I know of who think you can listen to whatever and the music will not effect you negatively. Well, call my old fashioned, a holy roller, Jesus Freak, whatever ya want. I really don't care. I know Jesus wouldn't listen to that junk, so neither will I.

 

Cheating. Cussing. Drinking. Premarital sex. That's about 90% of secular music. At least when I listened to it that's what it was. And by the sounds of it when I go into the mall, time hasn't changed music in a positive way one ounce. Not in the secular world anyways.

So, that all being said, I knew I had to stop listening to that music if I was going to grow spiritually. I wanted so bad to have a close relationship with God, and I still do. I feel that music plays a role in my attitude and outlook on life. So, I only listen to positive and encouraging music that is by Christian artists. Maybe you don't agree with me. That's fine.

It says in the Bible to work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
That's in Philippians 2:12.



Back to what I began with.

Remember your evil ways and your doings that were not good.

Have you ever gossiped about someone?

Oh, you haven't?

Well, you truly do deserve a pat on the back, because very few people can say that.

Have you ever told a lie? How about a white lie? (A white lie is just as much a lie as a "black lie.")

Those are doings that aren't good.



Remember those.


Think about them.


Now be ashamed.



Sin is not only what people see on the outside.

Homosexuality.

Drunk.

Premarital sex.

Cussing someone out.

Yelling your head off at your spouse.

Or your kids...

Talking about the preacher.

Tearing down the youth pastor.

Talking about somebodies situation that isn't even any of your business.

Being jealous of someone.

Not being content.

Hating yourself.

Not tithing.

10%.

Yep, most people don't like being reminded of that one.

Putting others or things above God.

Being confident in your looks and talents to a fault.

Caring about what others think too much.

Loving money.

Secret sin.

Pornography.

Being immodest.

I could go on and on and on.

There is simply too many things that separate us from God.

Remember them.

Think about them for a little while.

Be ashamed.

BUT....

but, but, but...

don't stay there.

Jesus forgives us and forgets it. But when I read this passage, it made me remember any sin and wrong I have ever done. I am ashamed. I want to see God for who He really is. I want to be like Him. I don't sit here and study and write and pound away on a keyboard a couple times a week just to try to make someone feel bad about their sin.

THAT would be a sin for me to do that!

I just want someone, anyone, to not only accept Christ, but to turn from their evil ways.

I want to see a revival broke out in this nation.

It is end times.

You don't have much longer to make it right.

You aren't promised tomorrow.

PLEASE stop running away.

Run to Him.

We need to be ashamed of ourselves. My sins are no greater than yours and my sins are no smaller than yours. The difference though, is maybe that I have recognized my sin and have chosen to leave them at the foot of the Cross. The Cross is where you need to lay yourself down at.

Ask Him to forgive you.

Ask Him to free you.

HE WILL.

That is a promise.

I am praying that maybe just one person will accept Christ by reading this.

I am praying that maybe just one person will turn from their sins and repent, whole-heartedly.

I only write from my heart.

I do it because God shows me to.

I have to be obedient.

I pray you are challenged.


 



Thoughts from the heart...

 

 

 

I want to start off by saying that this was an amazing day.

 

True redemption took place at the church today.

 

 

Grant preached with the Lord's help.

 

It was spectacular.

 

He's 100% anointed.

 

He's 100% real.

 

He's 100% sincere.

 

 

He gave the invitation.

 

My grandpa, who has struggled with alcohol most of his life, committed his whole life to God today.

 

PRAISE THE LORD.

 

I have always had a high respect for my grandpa.

 

As a kid, he would always do special little things for me.

 

And when he says he loves me on the phone before he hangs up, I can tell he means it from the bottom of his heart.

 

Today though, when I saw him stand up and walk down there to pray, he became a mighty hero of mine.

 

My dad was an alcoholic until I was 12. I am very blessed he got saved.

 

I know people personally, one of them is very close to me, and her dad is still an alcoholic.

She is gone and married, but her parents' marriage has nearly ended thanks to alcohol.

Thirty years of marriage is being finalized in divorce.

Her dad missed her graduation, along with many other special events.

All thanks to alcohol.

 

That being said, I don't know what it's like to have a dad who is still an alcoholic and bound by the poison.

 

 

But I do know what it's like to have a dad who is set free.

 

 

I want to tell you that God is working on your loved one.

 

He will save them.

 

They will come to him.

 

I don't know when.

 

But I do know God comes right on time.

 

So don't lose hope.

 

Don't quite praying.

 

Let the Lord hold your hand during this wait.

 

During this trial.

 

Rest in his peace.

 

 

REST.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As many of you know, I had a miscarriage six weeks ago.

It is still hard at times.

I think of how far along I would be now.

I have a handful of close friends who are pregnant.

I know another handful who are pregnant, but I don't talk to them or see them on a regular basis.

I know a handful of people who want a second or third child so badly.

Then, I know a few who don't have a single baby.



One lady I know of, she recently went through the same battle that I did.

She has no children and her and her husband have tried for several years.

She fell pregnant about a month ago, then lost the baby.

She was devastated, but I am amazed by watching how high she holds her head.

I don't want to make her problem seem way harder then mine, but I do think she probably feels a

different level of hurt caused by a void she has. I have a healthy little girl who will be

three this fall.

She has no baby.

(Here on earth.)

YET.

And you will be an amazing mom, sweet friend.



I have another friend, who is so special and dear to my heart.

Her and her husband have tried for a year and a half.

And tried and tried and tried.

They have fasted, prayed, given up things that nobody else knows about, and they have asked God

"Please give us a child."

I know this couple personally and I know there would be no finer parents than the two of them.

I have prayed and prayed for this couple.

Literally more than I have prayed for myself.

I want them to be parents so very bad.

I believe they will be.

In God's amazing will, there is a baby in their future.




It says in the Bible, that we are to trust God. Believe he will work out everything in our life if we

serve Him.

Yes, sometimes His timing and His will isn't exactly what we dreamt of.

For instance.

I thought I was going to be the first ever female NFL coach.

Ya.

Obviously that wasn't God's will for my life.

That was kind of a no brainer example. But in all seriousness, sometimes God's will is ten million

times better than anything we could conjure up in our little pea sized brains.



This was God's will for my life.

I got saved at 17.

I got married at 19.

I had a daughter at 22.

I had a miscarriage at 25.



I stay at home each and every day, loving, caring, and raising my daughter.

I believe that is God's will for my life.

To be the best Christian, wife and mom possible.

Sure, I could work, just as I did until I was 9 months pregnant and we could have a little extra cash.

We could go on some extra vacations.

Or just a vacation.

:)

But, I feel it is my job and responsibility to raise my own kid.

That isn't God's will for some women, I know that.

But it is for me.

And I love it.

I wake up each day and try to find a way to make Raylea excited about an activity we will

do that day.

Even if it's laying on our backs on the carpet, looking up at the ceiling, making up animals and

faces and "stars" we see.

Or coloring, doing flashcards and puzzles as we just finished doing.

A zoo trip.

Chuck E Cheese. (her preference...)

Mixing the batter and licking it off of the spoon.

Or sitting and singing songs.


I want to make my husband happy too.

I haven't probably always done that.

Sure I have always been faithful in every way, I have prayed for him, prayed over him,

remembered his birthday and our anniversary...

But I have recently discovered that I am failing in life if I am ever putting anything at all over him.

God.

Grant.

Raylea.

That is the order of priorities in my life.

Sure, Raylea requires more attention than the top two, and she depends on me probably more, but

I am supposed to focus on God first.

He has shown areas in which I can be a better wife and friend to Grant.

He deserves the best.

He really does.

So does little Raylea.

She has a heart for Jesus already and I feel I am responsible and so is Grant for instilling God and

the Word into her at this early age.

How I talk, the shows we watch, the music we listen to... they should all reflect Christ.

Not the world.



I have kind of jumped from one subject to the other, but that is why I titled this what it is titled...

thoughts from the heart.


BE BLESSED.

and remember....

Rest in His peace.


 

Pray More. Worry Less.

 

We people have a problem.

 

We worry. But we don't pray.

 

You say, "I pray!"

 

Well, likely not enough.

 

I know I don't.

 

It's time we pray more and worry less.

 

In this world we live in today, there is so much we could worry about.

 

Constantly.

 

Our finances.

 

Our health.

 

Our children.

 

Their health.

 

Our past.

 

Our future.

 

Even our present.

 

We worry if we don't have anything to worry about because we are worried we will soon have something to be worried about.

 

You get what I'm saying?

 

We all worry.

 

I love, love, love Matthew 6:34.

 

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

 

In other words, it's useless to worry.

 

It does no good.

 

I have been blessed with several precious friends in my life.

 

I used to worry that I would lose them.

 

I know though, that God will always keep the people in my life who will help me and who will support me and who will love me.

 

I want to be that person to others and I try to be if you know me personally.

 

I try so hard to love people deeply.

 

Because we aren't promised tomorrow.

 

So, don't worry for that reason alone.

 

We aren't promised tomorrow so therefore lets not waste today worrying about tomorrow.

 

It all goes back to trust.

 

Do you trust God?

 

Do you trust Him to save your children?

 

Do you trust Him to save your marriage?

 

Do you trust Him to bless you with a child?

 

Do you trust Him to help you through a hard financial time?

 

Do you trust Him to heal your sickness?

 

Do you trust Him to place a friend in your life who will lift you up spiritually?

 

Do you trust Him to calm your soul?

 

To let you sleep peacefully tonight?

 

To make all things new?

 

Well, He can.

 

And He will.

 

But you have to do this.

 

PRAY MORE

 

and

 

WORRY LESS.

 

If you pray for ten seconds, try to pray for a few minutes.

 

If you pray for ten minutes, try to pray for twenty.

 

It will change your life if you make it a habit to pray about it instead of worrying about it.

 

Now, go pray.

 

 



First Prenatal Visit

 

 

 

Last Friday I was driving down the highway, talking on the phone with my younger brother.

 

Someone started beeping in.

 

I looked.

 

It was my doctor's office.

 

If you keep up with my blog, or know me at all, you likely know the traumatic experience Grant, myself and our family went through this last month.

 

We miscarried, what was going to be our second child.

 

 

We  have one perfectly, healthy, smart and beautiful little girl, in which we are beyond grateful and thankful for.

 

But... we were ready for more kids. More kids to raise up in the Lord.

 

 

On that cold, dreary December afternoon, I miscarried.

 

It was so awful.

 

Monday it was confirmed by the doctor.

 

Monday night I cried myself to sleep.

 

Tuesday morning I woke up with tears streaming down my face.

 

I am pretty sure I cried in my sleep that whole night.

 

Tuesday night came.

 

I laid there in bed, with my Bible open, praying and crying.

 

I asked God, "Please give me a dream to give me peace."

 

I fell asleep praying that over and over.

 

 

 

And did he give it to me.

 

There Jesus was.

 

Cradling a baby.

 

The bundle of joy he was holding was so bright with light shining out of it, I couldn't see any detail about the baby.

 

Boy or girl. I have no clue.

 

Blonde hair like their older sister, Raylea.

 

I have no idea.

 

All I know is Jesus let me see him holding my baby.

 

I had someone ask me what Jesus looked like.

 

To be honest, I didn't get a good look.

 

I just knew it was him.

 

And I knew it was my baby.

 

And that was all I asked for.

 

Was a dream to give me peace.

 

I felt many emotions and I still go through bad moments of missing my baby, but I am at peace.

 

Sweet, precious peace is what I have.

 

 

 

So, I told my brother the doctor was calling and I said I better get it.

 

I answered.

 

Not knowing what they were going to say.

 

Part of me wanted them to say "We made a mistake! Your levels were perfect."

 

But I knew that was not the case.

 

I knew I wasn't pregnant anymore.

 

"Hi, may I speak to Hannah?" the kind woman asked.

 

"This is her." I said, nervously.

 

"Hi! I was just calling to remind you of your first prenatal visit this coming Tuesday!"

 

I went blank.

 

I am pretty good at understanding when people make mistakes, but I was in shock over this one.

 

"Uh... Well..." I couldn't spit it out.

 

"We actually lost the baby a few weeks ago."

 

There, I said it.

 

"Oh!!! I see that here written on the bottom of your papers! I am so sorry for your loss!!" I could tell she felt stupid and embarrassed.

 

"Thank you. It's okay." I didn't know what to say.

 

"We hope to see you in here soon with another pregnancy." She said kindly.

 

"Okay. Good bye." I was on verge of crying. On verge of being angry. On verge of hanging up on her.

 

But it was just a mistake. People make mistakes.

 

 

But to say all that, I wanted to say, that this morning would have been that first prenatal visit.

 

I know my "due date" will be a sad day.

 

And the day we found out we were expecting, and the day we miscarried.

 

But, I don't want sadness to take hold of me.

 

 

This morning when I woke up I thought,

 

my baby would have been 9 weeks this week, growing in my belly.

 

but... I thought back to my dream.

 

Wow. My baby is in Heaven. With their ancestors from years and years ago, who I don't even know.

 

My baby is hearing the most beautiful lullabies sang by the angels.

 

My baby is perfect.

 
And perfectly happy.

 

 

My baby will be there waiting for me and I will be there soon because I gave my heart to the Lord on Wednesday, March 15th, 2006.

 

 

 

That made my first prenatal appointment not seem that big of a deal anymore.

 

Not so sad anymore.

 

Clearly, I am human. I will think of my baby.

 

I will wander what my baby would have looked like.

 

What their laugh would have sounded like.

 

And who they would have grown up to be.

 

But, they are in the arms of Jesus.

 

I saw it.

 

I have peace.

 

That is priceless.

 

Do you have this peace that I have?

 

If not.

 

Get it today, before it is everlastingly too late.

 

 

 

I will leave you with a little something that came to me the other morning.

 

 

 

 

Take my hand.

 Don't look down.

Follow me.

Trust me now.

 

This soon will end.

The winds will calm.

"Peace, be still," I said to the storm.

 

The sun will rise upon this day.

All you need is a little faith.

 

 

 

 



My First EVER New Years Resolution

 

 

 

Well, it's officially already over a week into year 2014.

 

And life goes on.

 

Doesn't it.

 

That wasn't a question.

 

It does.

 

Regardless of how much time we spend trying to savor sweet moments, life just goes on.

 

One thing I have always wanted to do is the whole "New Years Resolution," thing.

 

Honestly, I just never knew what to do.

 

Everyone was either planning on losing weight, going to the gym constantly or going to quit drinking pop.

 

Thankfully, at this time in my life, I have no extra poundage I need to lose.

 

I chase a toddler around all day, there is my gym time.

 

And I like water.

 

So, this year I decided to make a goal.

 

A rather lofty goal, but I want to do it.

 

I wasn't going to write on my blog or tell people publicly my resolution because, well, I don't like to fail.

 

Who does?

 

But, since I like accountability, I thought I would share it with you all.

 

Last January I started something all on my own which has changed my life in every way.

 

I have wrote about it in the past, but to refresh your memory, I'll tell you again.

 

I pray at midnight. Maybe not on the dot each night. But usually I try to.

 

It is not the only time I pray, sometimes I pray longer earlier in the day, but I felt led to start praying at a specific time after reading a book on prayer. They suggested midnight since so many people are asleep and nobody is up fighting the enemy. (Satan.)

 

So, although that was in January 2013 when I made that change in my life, it wasn't really a resolution to begin with... it turned into a resolution for life!

 

But this year, I want to push to do this one...

 

It will take more time and concentration then praying each night at midnight I believe.

 

 

I want to memorize one verse each week.

 

 

This week I have memorized 2 Kings 6:16.

 

And he answered, Fear not; They that be with us are more than they that be with them.

 

I hope me sharing my goal with you will inspire someone to do the same, make a lofty goal for 2014.

 

I want God's Word hid in my heart, so I may not sin against Him.

 

 

Have a wonderful day.