What I learned on Joe's Road

I've heard the phrase bittersweet all my life, but until now I never have experienced it's true meaning.

As we are cleaning up, packing up and heading out on a new adventure God has us on, I have paused a few times to reminisce on the many days and seasons I have living on this little prairie.

To some it may seem out of pocket, but for us, it was the perfect fit.

This coming June will be the eight year mark that Grant and I moved a three bedroom, two bath double wide onto a pile of dirt. I was six months pregnant with our first child and was working the minimum 40 hours a week in Wichita, so I couldn't be there the day they moved our house out to the land. Grant let me take four stakes and put them exactly where I wanted each corner of the house to sit. Grants family already lived here and I was so excited to receive photos of the trucks pulling the home in, positioning the two halves together, from my brother in law Garrett. It was finally happening! The home we'd bring our baby girl home from the hospital to was being put together before our eyes. That was June 2011.

Each year we would add a little something to the home. Eight years later, it's pretty well a little dream home in my opinion. 

We brought Raylea home to her little pink room October that year. We learned quickly that a 7 pound person could bring out the very worst and best in you! Nearly every one of my friends were still in college, maybe in a dating relationship. I was in a part of life they had yet to experience and I felt a bit like an alien. I had baby blues for a month or two, but then it lingered for a few months. Finally when Ray was around 4 months old, it went away. I learned being a new mom was not meant for sissies! I think back on the first few months of being a first time mom, and it just seemed dark and lonely. That is why I am very sensitive to moms when they come home from the hospital, especially with that first bundle of joy. I learned to be helpful to new moms even when I was tired myself.

When Ray hit a year old, Grant and I both decided it was time to have another! Well, it wasn't God's timing though. Thirteen months later, the tests still said negative. I had friends getting married at this point and some talking of having babies. I learned to be happy for their exciting news and trust God with my confusion. I learned to be happy for others and not sulk for myself. Finally, at the 13 month mark of waiting, we got a faint positive. I went to Hobby Lobby and got stuff to make a "BIG SIS" sweater for Raylea and I planned how to tell Grant. We told our church that Sunday morning. Literally moments later my stomach felt odd. I felt complications starting. In that very moment my brother in laws and sister in law stood on the stage and sang a song called "Master of the Wind." I was sitting on the front row and I knew I needed to go to the restroom but something inside of me said to sit still and listen. 

These words rolled out of the speakers and fell deep into my soul.

My boat of life sails on a troubled sea
Whenever there's a wind in my sail.
But I have a friend who watches over me
When the breeze turns into a gale.

I know the Master of the wind.
I know the Maker of the rain.
He can calm a storm, make the sun shine again.
I know the Master of the wind.

Sometimes I soar like an eagle in the sky
Above the peaks my soul can be found.
An unexpected storm may drive me from the heights
Brings me low, but never brings me down.

I was experiencing an unexpected storm.

After the song was over, Brooke came over to me and I told her I needed to leave. Grant wasn't sure what was going on exactly but I told him I was stepping out. She quickly met me at her car and drove me home. I bent down crying in the seat as she held my hand. I went home, where Grant and his mom soon met me and family came and went throughout the day. I sat in the tub crying. Not too many hours later I finished miscarrying the baby. The next day I had to visit the doctor. They called and confirmed my counts and that I had indeed miscarried on my own which would keep me from having to come back into the doctor. I sat outside Goodwill by myself after receiving the call and waited for Grant to come back to the car. I text my older brother, and he tried calling me and I didn't answer because I was too upset, so he left me a comforting voicemail. I learned that people who truly and really care for you, will be there at the hard times in your life. I had some people avoid me like the plague because I guess they thought they would cause more damage by acknowledging my situation. I learned during that time to be very sensitive to women who go through such trials. I have had several friends lose babies after my miscarriage, and I feel I wouldn't have been able to have been as sensitive if I didn't understand to some extent how they were feeling during those dark days and nights. I learned what it means for the Lord to give and take away. I learned what it meant to trust Him, whether I was on a mountain top or in a lonesome valley. Perhaps a miscarriage doesn't seem to be a big deal to you, because it's common, but so is losing a spouse or having a sick child. Just because it's common doesn't mean it shouldn't hurt. If you know someone who has went through, or is going through a miscarriage, or trying for a baby, I beg you to be sensitive to them. Think twice about blowing up your Facebook with baby content. Think twice about saying your back hurts when you're 8 months pregnant in front of your friend who is dying to be pregnant. Just think.

The night the doctor had called to confirm with me, I prayed and asked God to give me peace. I begged him for it actually. I fell asleep and dreamt the most beautiful dream I have ever had. 

Jesus was standing there, His features were so bright I couldn't make them out, but I knew it was Him. He was holding a baby up close to his chest. I woke up with so much peace. 

That baby was to be born in August. And through that dream, God gave me peace. Shalom means peace in the Bible.

So, Grant and I named our second baby, August Shalom.

That same year Brooke and the boys made a cd and surprised me by dedicating "Master of the Wind" to August. It'll always be one of my very favorite songs, as I learned to trust the Master of the Wind with the storms in my life.

Just a few months later we did indeed get pregnant and at 13 weeks started having serious complications. 

Dr. told me to my face it will be a "wait and see pregnancy." The high risk nurse told me she'd never seen that size of the type of complication I was having in her 10+ years and that I had a 50% chance of this pregnancy continuing. Well, that was encouraging. They wanted me on bed rest, but since I had a two year old, they knew that wasn't exactly realistic. So, I really had to trust God with this. Long, long story short. I had that little miracle boy at 36 weeks and the cord was wrapped so tight around his neck when he came out, he wasn't crying and the Dr. said he had to pinch him to get him to cry. I had lots of blood loss and was on the line to get a transfusion. Thankfully I got to go home after only two days.

Jack began having seizures around 6 months old. I won't go into detail, but it was a scary time. We were sent to a brain specialist who found something on his brain with the waves of it showing issues. He said that is caused only by a tumor or a brain bleed. Encouraging news again. We prayed. Our church anointed him. Our family fasted. We watched Jack be put to sleep at 9 months old and sent through the tube you see on movies. The next day Jack had his last EVER seizure and the neurologist said he doesn't know what happened but there was absolutely nothing wrong with his brain and he had to take back all the statements he had made about him having many signs of cerebral palsy and many other issues. 

I learned that God had the final say over my little Jack and that no Dr. could tell me his fate, whether that was while he was in my belly or in my arms. He had many negative things spoken over him and God has done nothing but kept him protected. He is our only son and I believe God has something out of this world spectacular in mind to use this vessel named Jack Gannon Ledbetter. I'm honored to be his mom and I pray all the time for God's wisdom as I teach him and for God's anointing to fall on his life.

Grant has went through a few chickens in his day. The most recent being a batch Uncle Zane sent us home with. Raylea and Jack have always loved playing with them, feeding them, and checking the eggs. I learned watching them play, that you don't need stuff or a bunch of fickle friends to make you happy in life. Just God's creation is plenty.

My mom gifted Raylea with a willow tree for her first birthday. Ray turned 7 in October 2018, and that tree is massive. The kids play under it as though it's a play house! I researched online if I could dig it up some way but it's roots are simply to deep. I would kill it if I tried to move it. I used to think I might be the same way... I couldn't leave my roots of Sumner County, Kansas... but I'm planted by the Water, so wherever God leads us, we will be okay because our roots aren't in physical ground. No, we are planted in such a way that some may not understand. We have roots down deep by a stream and I am afraid to ever get away from that stream. God's peace is next to that stream. So, yes, for this time of our life, for a few years? For twenty years? I don't know... Grant and I try to never plan out our lives because we know God is the Protector and Planner. He has always told us when it's time to go and when it's time to stay. It seems we've been told to "go" a lot more than "stay", but I have prayed countless prayers over Grant's pillow in our 11 years of marriage, that God would use us however He wishes. I never once have prayed for God to keep us comfortable, with a steady paycheck, or with the same relationships. I've always just prayed for God to use us and keep us sensitive to His voice, nobody else's. I have learned the lesson of leaning and listening while on Joes Road. 

I moved my altar to the woods a couple years ago. Last summer I fell down at it on a hot summer day. I told God I was giving Him a certain situation that I had no control over. I felt the SON beat down on me. I felt God say, "I got you, Hannah." I have received kindness from people I never thought I would see it from ever since I prayed that day.

I have learned to just listen and lean on Him... and I'm still doing so.

A few years back, I went through depression. I actually was so down, I don't really remember very many details in my life during that 6 months unless I see a video or a photo. Arrow was born in the middle of it, and she brought much happiness to my life. 

Sitting on my living room couch, my family prayed over me and I was miraculously delivered from depression that January evening. 

I learned God heals instantaneously, too! I've not once dealt with depression again and that's been over 2 years ago now. 

I learned friends will come and friends will go. Some as quickly as the seasons change and leaves fall off of the trees, they will vanish. But, I also learned there are some Jonathon's out there, there to stay, there to be loyal, there to sharpen my iron. There to just be. I thank God for each alike, for if I hadn't had some leave, I wouldn't be thankful for those who stayed. I learned how to be a friend, to the friendless, and I learned to trust God with all my relationships.

 I've seen God do the same in Grant's life. It's been a wonderful thing to see.

I learned to be a more loving wife. Not such a nagging one. Five or six years ago, I couldn't say that! But, God showed me things I was doing wrong and I can say with much gladness, my marriage is the most unified it's been in our 11 years. Far from perfect, but what is perfect anyways?? Rhonda got his name from the scripture about God granting Hannah's petition to have a child... and obviously my name is from Hannah in 1 Samuel... same passages. So, I think God had it planned way back in 1988 when we both were born that we'd be the team He wanted together. I'm sure glad I learned on Joes Road that being a wife isn't what the world has it painted out to be... but I learned what it says in the Bible. That she is to be a helper, not a hindrance. She is to be a safe haven, not someone who causes strife. She is to be a encourager, not someone who puts down. I learned those lessons all on my own. Me and my Bible. Usually at the kitchen table, before anyone was awake. I learned to be a Christian in my marriage at home, in private, not just around people and put on a front. I learned to have peace and to make peace and work for peace. I learned to appreciate a man who has only been faithful to God, me and his kids. I learned to appreciate someone who cares more about my happiness then their own. I learned to be a friend, not just a wife.

I learned to pray with him and over him. I don't pray loud, I don't sweat and holler or use big fancy words. I pray how God made me to pray, and for me, that is sometimes so quietly, you can't hear the words coming out. That is the most important thing I can think I learned while on Joes Road. I learned to pray. In my own unique way. I'm pretty redneck, so I'm glad God understands me when I say words that aren't in the right context. "for now on..." (inside joke with you, Grant.)

But, I am teared up thinking of my special times praying here. Yes, I've stayed home and raised all my kids here the first several years of their lives. I've spent 8 Christmas' here. I have had friends of every kind sit on my porch or at my table. I've made countless cups of coffee for Aunt Kay. I've had almost all my kids' birthday parties here. I've burnt more food than I care to admit in my little kitchen and I've watched Grant drown it in ranch dressing to be able to swallow it down as he tried to keep from gagging. I've learned how to make homemade ice cream, sweet tea and overnight oats here. I have sprayed off my porch and house more times than I care to admit. I've taught Raylea to read at our kitchen table and now I've been working on Jack. I've also watched my kids draw picture after picture with chalk on the cement right outside my kitchen window. I went a few weeks without my smartphone this past month and I realized we complicate life so much by living through a 5 inch screen. I learned that getting rid of my social media wasn't enough. Deleting apps such as YouTube and Pinterest was just as necessary for me to be more present to my family. Everyone is different, but for me, I found these things very time consuming, so I'd rather just cut the access off rather than waste time using them. I have been learning how to use my time more wisely lately.

Sure, eight years may not seem long to some of you. But, to me, it's been the happiest 8 years of my life. It's been the lessons learned that make those years so precious. God's led us down many roads before, but He has always given us that hope and promise that we will reach the other side. So, in the next month as we pack up and move east, I will be doing a lot of thanking as I go through many memories God allowed us to have here. This was a season. Now, onto the next.

We will not once give up on God's promises and we will never give up on following Him, even if it isn't the comfortable and convenient thing to do. So often times people think if you walk away from something, you are quitting or giving up, but in God's ways, He also will demand that you walk towards something instead of staying put. So, I have learned that most definitely. I'm so glad I have a husband who knows when to stay and when to go, because He listens to one Voice.

To walk, doesn't mean to quit, it often means to begin. 

One day, if God allows me to, I will write a book. I will likely have a chapter in it about Joes Road. Because this was just a fraction of what I'd like to say about this piece of ground.

I've learned lessons I never thought I'd learn before I moved out here, but I wouldn't be who I am today without those divine teachings from the Master.




Listen to God today. You might have to clear out some noise first. But, it's well worth the listen.