Love me for me

Summer 2010

Ouch! I rubbed the back of my arm, turned and saw his face.
My arm was still stinging as I looked into his dark eyes.

He looked like he was up to no good. I was in Haiti for my first time, visiting an orphanage my mother-in-law was helping take care of.

I kept walking with the other children as they were anxiously showing me around.

Then, he did it again. His little fingers were pinching the fire out of the back of my arm.

This time I turned around and it dawned on me, this kid wanted attention, whether it was good or bad. He just was so hungry for it.

I knelt down to his level as he stood waiting to see what I was going to do.

I put my arms out and gave him a big bear hug.

From that moment on, Daniel stayed right by my side. Later that evening they had a church service.

It was in a building on the orphanage's property but it was not air conditioned of course, and I was hot, sweaty and downright filthy.

Daniel sat next to me or on my lap, fanning my face and getting flies away when they'd try to land on me.

I remember how he would gently push my wet bangs out of my eyes and just stare at me in amazement.

He found someone who loved him.

We spent a few days there helping and it came time for us to leave Haiti and go back home.

I sat in the bed of the truck as we pulled out of the little orphanage. I waved at the kids as they all chased after us as we pulled away.

Running at the front of the crowd of kids, was Daniel. I remember the dust was so thick from the truck spitting it in the hot air, but he just put his head down, chin to his chest, and just kept running with all his might.

I cried and cried that night.

This little five year old changed my life forever.

He made me see that sometimes those who are pinching you, usually just need a hug.

He taught me that love has no boundaries.

I am white. He was black.

I was 21 at the time.
He was 5.

I am a married American woman. He was a Haitian orphan boy.

My cousin sang a song this week at church she has sang for years.

Sunday, it seemed to really get me though.

The entire song is about people who are in different situations that lead them to ask the same question,

"who will love me, for me?"

Daniel is one of billions of people on earth looking for someone to love them, just for plain old them.

I love the outcry at the end of the song where it so beautifully portrays God saying to a man in prison, "I will love you for you!"

I read an awesome quote the other day and I wrote it down and stuck it on my fridge.

Actions prove who someone is, words just prove who they pretended to be.

I thought it was a great reminder to always be love, not just say love. Be forgiveness, not just say forgiveness. Be honest, don't just say you'll tell the truth. Be thoughtful, don't just say you're thinking of them. Be busy praying, don't just say you'll pray.

Raylea told me earlier she would do something and I told her, "Talk is cheap. Do what you said you're going to do instead of just saying you'll do it."

There are many people out there who have, or will let you down.

Maybe it's your own spouse. Maybe it's your kids, or grandkids.

Maybe it's a friend, or a co-worker.

We are human, we'll make mistakes, but don't live life waiting for others to show you that they love you!

Just think of the hardest times you've ever went through in life.

Now, think of who was there.

I'm sure it wasn't all of your 383 facebook
friends. Or your 400 instagram followers.

No, it was probably less than a handful of people who were there, who checked on you, who sent flowers, who took you out to eat, who stayed close to you, who actually prayed for you, even when you tried to act tough and push them away. They stayed.

Think about the happiest moments in life. The ups. The mountain tops.

Who was happy?
Probably those same people you thought of a few seconds ago...

Don't take those people for granted. They are not easily replaced.

I have a husband who I love, and loves me. I'm not what you'd call a good cook and I'm really not the greatest at folding clothes. I always shove them in the drawers. I tend to keep a messy car and I don't lay his clothes out to wear each day like I've heard of some amazing wives doing. And buddy, I have multiple other areas I probably come in less than par. But Grant always has loved me.

I have never doubted that he wasn't proud of me, with or without my ten minute make-up routine painted on my face, with or without greasy hair thrown up in a bun. Even if I don't say something just right or make him a little (or a lot) frustrated, he still loves me.

But, I know I don't fill a certain void in his life.

And he doesn't fill a particular one in mine.

That void is one that only God can fill.

When I'm in trouble, when I need forgiveness, when I need my spirit lifted, I don't run to him.

I run to God.

He will love me for me and He wants a relationship with me.

He loved me all along.

Before Grant.

Before my siblings or parents even.

He loved me before anyone knew I would be on this Earth.

He loved me when I was unlovable and when I didn't love Him back.

He loves me still, when I fall and feel alone. He is there to pick me up and remind me that He is keeping a close eye on me, that I will be okay.

It took me 17 years to finally accept Him as Savior. When I did, I felt a love I have never and will never feel again by anyone else. I felt clean. I felt pure.

I felt washed by the Blood- because I was.

I felt LOVED. I was loved for me, and that's what I want to tell you, and remind you.

God loves you.

He wants you.

He died for you.

Stop running.

Stop making excuses.

Your tomorrow is not promised and one day, you won't have one.

Tomorrow you may be standing before God, and you will answer to Him. You won't answer to your spouse, or your pastor, or your parent.

God and God alone.

Accept this love. This love that you'll find nowhere else.

Not in a spouse. Not in a friend. Not in a child.

It says in Matthew that you're known by your fruits. What type of fruit are you putting off?

Just as a coconut can't grow on an apple tree who came from the seed
of an apple, love can't and won't grow in a person who has a root of bitterness and pride.

So, whether you're like Daniel and doing the pinching, looking for love,
or you're like me, you have the opportunity to love...
just remember that regardless of what you receive from anyone in this lifetime, and regardless if they receive your love... there is One who will love you, for you.

That doesn't mean staying in sin, and keeping those character flaws because "it runs in the family..."

No, when you realize the love God has for you, you will love Him back and you'll want to submit your whole heart, soul and mind to Him.

Don't chase love, for it is not a word, it an action. Accept the love Christ shown you. Accept it today, even if you've been saved 30 years.

Accept that He loves you and you learn to love Him back.

My prayer is that if you are running from God, or if you have never accepted Him as Savior and repented of your sins and became a new creation, my prayer is simply this, that the Spirit of God would visit you this very moment and His conviction power would knock on your heart's door.

He will love you for you, and you will never have to thirst again for attention from others.

What love really means
JJ Heller

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He's the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night,
"Dear God won't you please,
Could you send someone here who will love me?"
Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
'Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means
Her office is shrinking a little each day
She's the woman whose husband has run away
She'll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would've stayed And she says...
Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
'Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means
He's waiting to die as he sits all alone
He's a man in a cell who regrets what he's done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
"Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home"
Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said, "I know you've murdered and I know you've lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you'll listen, I'll tell you that I..."
I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you I will give you the love
The love that you never knew
Love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew