There was Jesus

This will be my last post for 2019 as I am taking any extra time and energy I have to focus on my relationship with God, my husband and our three children.

 I strongly encourage you to do the same! I really do believe the Lord is coming back much sooner than we could imagine.

For the past month I've listened to a song over and over.

 My kids probably know all the words at this point.

You know how sometimes there is a song that hits home?

In that moment you wander if the writer somehow knew about
your life and your inner thoughts.

That has happened just a few times for me.

When I first became a Christian, a song came out that was called Mountain of God.

I wrote every single lyric down on my wall in my bedroom at my parents house and it's still there, in metallic silver marker.
Here's the chorus.

Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

As a 17 year old I walked away from many things that were tugging for my attention.
I gave up my senior year of high school, leader of several things,
my friends said I gave up my chance to be homecoming queen,
(which to popularity driven-17 year old-me, that was very drawing)
our musical group was chosen again to go on a cruise and to perform at Disney World,
I had a scholarship lined out for college,
I was going to finally get to walk across the stage and receive the diploma and feel that excitement of graduating high school.

But God said no.


There is no telling where I'd be today if I would have disobeyed God
and did what I wanted to do and just finished out high school at that tiny little school.
Instead, I took harder classes at a local college to receive credits to graduate high school that summer. I realized that I would go through a valley of feeling left out, being called a "Jesus
Freak" and "missionary," just months after I got saved all because I decided to give God my senior year, and all the glitz and memories that would have went with it.

I learned that I had to go through that little valley of loneliness to learn what it was to depend on God and be able to stand upon the mountain of joy and peace because I obeyed a simple nudge
He gave me.
I grew thick skin during that year as I had so many "friends" walk away from
me and make fun of me.
No, I wasn't burned at the stake or had a gun held to my head, but I got a little taste of what it is to be persecuted just because I was now a Christ follower.
Not a society follower.

After we miscarried our precious little August Shalom six Decembers ago, 

I clung to the lyrics of Through it All.

I've had many tears and sorrows,
I've had questions for tomorrow,
there's been times I didn't know right from wrong.
But in every situation,
God gave me blessed consolation,
that my trials come to only make me strong

December 15th, 2013 we miscarried a sweet little baby who I had carried just shy of seven weeks. 

I only knew about the pregnancy for about 5 or 6 days.
I had taken countless tests leading up to that pregnancy. 

Thirteen months worth to be exact. 

Once I miscarried the baby and it was confirmed by the doctor,
I listened to this song over and over and over. I could sing it backwards probably. 

During that time I had cried a lot. 

I had four friends all pregnant at that time and we all went to the same church together. 

I did have questions for tomorrow. 

Would Raylea ever be a big sis and have a buddy to play with?

Why did an innocent baby need to go to Heaven so soon?

But, through that trial I became stronger and I have had a burden for anyone walking a similar path of losing a baby, regardless how far along they were.

About a month ago I heard this song, There was Jesus for the first time. 

Maybe you've heard it, too.

But this song is it for me right now.

There's been a lot of waiting, searching, healing and hurting the past several years.

There's been days I wasn't sure what God was doing.

Why was He saying "go"? Why was He saying "no"? Why was He saying "not right now."?

The Bible speaks of how there is a time and a season for every thing.

God has done much purging and pruning in those years for my little family.

On the mountains, there was Jesus.
Life can feel so comfortable at times.
There was Jesus.
You have enough money to pay the bills, buy groceries and put some gas in the car.
There was Jesus.
Your health is doing good. Your family is getting along.
There was Jesus.
You feel loved and appreciated. You get a thoughtful present on your birthday.
There was Jesus.
Your kids honor and respect you.
There was Jesus.
You have a godly spouse who is faithful and treats you with much kindness.
There was Jesus.

In the valleys, there was Jesus.
You've been betrayed by those closest to you.
There was Jesus.
A trial hit you out of nowhere and you're struggling to keep your head up each day.
There was Jesus.
Your health isn't doing so great. The doctor is your second home.
There was Jesus.
You feel unloved and unappreciated by those you thought loved you the most.
There was Jesus.
Your child is walking through a dark time.
There was Jesus.
Your marriage is rocky. You put on a great front though, so others stay clueless.
There was Jesus.
You can't lose weight.
There was Jesus.
You can't gain weight.
There was Jesus.
Your child went to Heaven.
There was Jesus.
You're insecure and feel no self worth. You're always secretly hoping someone will show you attention.
There was Jesus.
Feeling discouraged and hopeless after the divorce is finalized.
There was Jesus.
Fighting cancer. Questioning tomorrow.
There was Jesus.

In the fire!
Like the three Hebrew boys, who had NO hurt as the Bible says.
Praise God.
Oh, where are those who can be in the fire and be so close to God that they feel no hurt??
When friends let you down. You can walk through that and NOT feel hurt because you don't get your joy from them, no matter how wonderful they are, you get your joy from the LORD.

When you get laid off your job. You can feel NO hurt because God has a better job for you already prepared!
God prepares for those He loves!
He prepared for you a mansion in Heaven if you're a Christian!
 He will prepare shelter and be your shield when the fire comes!
He prepared a whale to swallow up and save Jonah, he prepared a donkey to die so Samson could use it's jawbone to kill all those men.
God prepares for His children.

In the flood!
When your enemies come in like a flood, God will be there to grab you up out of the fierce waters that fill your mouth and nose.
He will prepare a table for you in the presence of those enemies who attacked you!
Thank the LORD for enemies because He gets to rescue you from them and
prepare that table for you!
THERE WAS JESUS. In the fire and the flood!
There He was and there He is still!

I feel the Lord empowering my spirit as I write these words.

Whatever you're facing today,
remember we all face things and most of them we never share with a soul. 

But, Jesus is there for you when nobody else is there to be found. 

We have all felt forgotten or not important to our friends or family at some point.

As I say often, we all put our pants on the same way. I'm no different than you.

Life hits me just as it'll hit you. 

But, no matter where you are, how you feel, what you've done, what you didn't do, what you said or what you should have said differently... THERE IS JESUS.

Let Him hold you today. Let Him be your best friend. He won't let you down, hurt you,
or treat you less than. He has been waiting with open arms your entire life.
Stop running. Just let go and let God.

There was Jesus

Every time I try to make it on my own
Every time I try to stand, I start to fall
And all those lonely roads that I have traveled on
There was Jesus

When the life I built came crashing to the ground
When the friends I had were nowhere to be found
I couldn't see it then but I can see it now
There was Jesus

In the waiting, in the searching
In the healing, in the hurting
Like a blessing buried in the broken pieces
Every minute, every moment
Where I've been or where I'm going
Even when I didn't know it
Or couldn't see it
There was Jesus

For this man who needs amazing kind of grace
For forgiveness and a price I couldn't pay
I'm not perfect so I thank God every day
There was Jesus
There was Jesus

In the waiting, in the searching
In the healing, in the hurting
Like a blessing buried in the broken pieces
Every minute, every moment
Where I've been or where I'm going
Even when I didn't know it
Or couldn't see it

There was Jesus

On the mountains
In the valleys
There was Jesus
In the shadows
Of the alleys

There was Jesus

In the fire, in the flood
There was Jesus
Always is and always was

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DFxbGbIDrY

My dangerous prayer

For the past year I have prayed a prayer that I never knew how dangerous it may be. Dangerous to my flesh and dangerous to my comfort, that is. Which is something I want and need.

"God, purge anything out of me that isn't of You."

God revealed to me a lot. And He is still doing so.

I know that is what being sanctified is all about, it's a process which will never end until we reach Heaven.

But, never once in my nearly 14 years of being a Christian, have I prayed that earnestly and continually, until this past year.

I challenge you to pray that tonight before you go to bed. Pray it seriously.

What might He PURGE from your life?

It may be a relationship.
I had a friend who I was going to be one of her bridesmaids, Raylea was not even a year old yet and was going to be her flower girl, and around a month before the
wedding, she realized she was about to marry the wrong guy. Oh, it makes my stomach sick just thinking about what her life would be like today if she would have
walked down that aisle. Remember: the devil is awful good at making things that you should be RUNNING from, look like God's plan for your life. He is the master
of trickery.

It may be a friendship.
Or several friendships.

Your social media account.
We all want to be loved, liked, accepted, I believe that is why social media can be so addicting to many, because it satisfies that longing to a certain degree.

Your obsession with being known as the person who has it all together.
Don't kid yourself any longer. We all put our pants on the same way. It says in the Bible that all have fallen short of the glory of God. Even as a Christian,
I believe we give people a false sense of God's mercy and grace when we try to put on a show of perfectionism. I'm far, far from perfect. Please, when you read
my piddly blog posts, don't ever hold me up on some pedestal and think that I got it all together because I'm a Christian, because I'm married to a
preacher or whatever other reason. We all fall short. I pray when you read any words I have written, that you'll know that I try to be very transparent as a fellow
human being and that I want others (you!) to see the change that God makes in one's life. I don't write as good as over half of the writers out there, but, like
Jonah, God has asked me to tell others about Him, but in this fashion. (I'll be honest, some days I wander why God wants me to write when there are those out there
with much smarter, smoother things to say than myself. But, I will write, because it isn't about how I feel, it's about what God wants me to do.)

Perhaps it's your lack of kindness.
Man, there are some crabby people out there. We can all recall a time in the recent past where we were a little less than Mr. Rogers friendly. Yeah, people definitely
weren't wanting to be your neighbor. But, I'm not talking about a time or two here and there each month, I'm talking about being so crabby, so cantankerous, that
people literally avoid being in your presence. That isn't even Christ-like. Check your friendliness scale and see where your average is.

Money.
The love of it is the root of all evil the Bible says. You don't hear that preached much in this prosperity driven Christian realm these days.

Pride.
You can't say you're sorry. You can't own up to a wrong doing. You think too highly of yourself. You always play the victim card. You don't think about others well
being and happiness over your own. You want to be in the spotlight. You want the title at the job or the church. You want the recognition instead of just doing
something "unto the Lord." You want the nice car, house and all the things that go inside it. Notice how all of the sentences began with "You." That is because pride
makes things about YOU. HUMILITY makes things about GOD and OTHERS.

Snippy attitude.
I think we all have dealt with this at some point or another. Remember that gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit. Not snippiness.

Gossip.
I could give ya a list of verses in the Bible that explain how damaging gossip is to not only the person you're speaking about, but also to your relationship with
them and your own personal self. Death and life are in the tongue it says and you'll reap the consequences of what you speak! Buddy. We better take that so serious.
We aren't given a license to gossip just because someone wronged us or was gossiping about us. No. We pray for them in private. Easier said than done, but God will defend you, I've learned over and over.

A critical spirit.
Do you always point out the wrong in others? Have you already disagreed with five things I've written in the past few minutes? Do you always complain about how
someone looks, how they sing, how they preach, how they teach? Are you always thinking someone has done you wrong, owes you something and needs to be more sensitive
to you? Do you look over the fifty good things your spouse did this week and complain and gripe about the trash not being taken out?
You have a critical spirit if so. Ask God to purge this out of you.

Anger.
I heard an interesting message today on the radio about anger actually. He was making a simple point saying that often times anger and depression are linked to an
intimate betrayal. In other words, he believes if you are an angry person or depressed, there is a good chance that someone very close to you has betrayed you in
some way. Maybe they talked about you or told secrets you told them in complete confidence. I do agree with that to some extent, because life situations can bring us
to places we never wanted to be or never thought we'd be, such as angry or depressed. But, I believe a big part of why people are constantly angry, is because they
are not staying in close communion to God. I really do think it's that simple.
 Just like any junk in our life that isn't pleasing to God, it's presence is a sign of
God's absence.

Unforgiveness.
I have been forgiven much, therefore I will forgive much. I do mean that. Please look at all the Lord has forgiven you of. When you see how sick, how dirty, how wrong
and how sinful you were, and how God so quickly forgave you, I do believe you'll have a much easier time forgiving others. There are some pretty straight forward verses
regarding forgiveness in the Bible. Take time and study them if this is what needs purged out of you.

Guilt and shame.
 There is great freedom that comes when you can accept God's forgiveness and see that He became that sin that you are feeling so guilty about when He died for you, and by you continually feeling guilty over past sin is like telling God that what He did isn't sufficient to set you free!
There is so much joy and peace that comes when you can give God all your guilt and shame that the devil (and sometimes people, including yourself) try to place upon you.



I could go on for another hour, but I imagine if you pray that, that God will show you exactly what it is that needs purged from your life. And if you're like me,
it won't be just one thing.

God, I ask that You'd reveal to me anything that needs to be purged out of my life.