Strong Willed

 

 

This March will mark the ninth year of my salvation.

 

 

I feel like anyone who reads my blog regularly likely knows the exact day I was saved.

 

 

March 15th, 2006.

 

 

It was a huge moment. I can't get away from it, and I can't really find anything else better to write about. The day I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

 

 

A few months before I was born again, I went through some changes. Not good changes.

 

 

I remember talking back to my parents, mostly my mom, and showing an attitude I was embarrassed to have, but I was very strong willed in a negative sense. I believe strongly you can be strong willed for God and that is wonderful thing, but at that point in my life, I could care less what God thought of me or the way I treated others. I wasn't a bully by any means, but I began to develop a determination that I was going to do what I wanted to do, whether my parents liked it or not. I started to hang out with other 17 and 18 year olds who had zero respect for themselves or any authority. I think often about how God protected me in many situations.

 

 

His mercy and His grace met me where I was on that Wednesday night. I remember thinking, there is no way I can tell all my friends what happened! But, that next day when I went to school and told them, I had a confidence rise up in me. I told them I got saved! I felt my strong will for myself turn into a strong will for God. I didn't care if they made fun or didn't understand. One of my best friends at that time said something along the lines of, "Okay, Hannah, we will see if this will last." I could tell my friends were a bit concerned with this new Hannah.

 

 

I wish I could see that person today and tell them that it sure has lasted.

 

 

I didn't have to fight or argue with anyone when I got saved. I was content being myself. I was content in not having the last say. I was content with not being the most liked, most popular or center of attention in whatever realm. I was content not being everyone's best friend. I was content not having a boyfriend. I was content with saturating myself with God so much, that to the people who I spent my time with before I was saved, basically ran from me. Not because I treated them different, but because they wanted nothing to do with God, and I wanted everything to do with Him.

 

 

A few months after I got saved, it was sometime in the summer, I was laying in bed trying to go to sleep and my phone rang. I answered and it was two kids from my high school. A boy and a girl. They started making fun of me and saying I was a missionary now and a "Jesus Freak." I said, "well, I am not a missionary yet, but I am a Jesus Freak." They didn't really know what to say. The conversation ended soon after.

 

 

Other than that one incident, I have never been made fun of for being a Christian. But, I probably have tons behind my back, which I am 100% okay with and actually appreciate.

 

 

I want everyone, saved or not, to know that I serve Jesus Christ with all my heart and I am not the same Hannah that I was prior to March 15th, 2006.

 

 

About six years ago, I went through a time of guilt. I felt guilty for talking back to my parents. For lying to anyone. For any thing I had done wrong up until I got saved, I felt so much guilt come over me. I fought and carried the guilt on my back for months.

 

 

Then, one night I wrote a letter to someone. I told them how they can't control my mind anymore. I told them that I despised them and I will never give them time of day. I told them I will do nothing but rebuke them. I told them that they could no longer rule my emotions and hold the past over my head. I felt total freedom after writing that letter. If you're wandering who the letter was to, it was to our biggest enemy, Satan.

 

 

I have not at all been perfect since I gave my heart to God, but I have sought Him in ways I didn't know that I ever would.

 

 

I went on a fast 8 years ago and God showed me that I was to marry Grant.

 

 

I always went to our 10 o'clock prayer at church and God showed me that the person I want to be saved more than anyone, would indeed be saved.  

 

 

Grant and I lost a baby due to a miscarriage, 13 months ago. I prayed and asked God for peace because my bones literally ached with hurt and sadness. That night He gave me a dream of Him holding my baby, August Shalom. I woke with much peace. Although their heart only beat on Earth for a short time, it is beating strong in Heaven, perfectly and forever.

 

 

Those are the first ones that come to my mind, but God has spoken to me in many special ways. You know why? Because I talked to Him. I wanted to hear Him. I accepted what He had to say and I have strived to follow through with anything He has called me to do, full-heartedly.

 

 

Nine years ago if someone would have wronged me in any way, I would have not only held a grudge, but I would have found a way to get even with them. That was the old Hannah.

 

 

Today, I am not perfect. I am still in the same physical body, but spiritually, I am washed by the Blood of Jesus and a brand new creation through Him. I have asked God to show me how I can change. I have asked God to show me how to live more holy. He has spoken to me about different things and told me to get certain things out of my life. Certain friends (who do influence you whether you want to admit that or not), Instagram (I found it just wasn't for me after two years of praying about it), the time I spent praying and reading God's Word (He has shown me it needs to be more prevalent in my life more now than ever, over any self-help book or role-model, GOD and HIS WORD are the first ones I need to go to.)

 

 

He has shown me much more, but some things aren't for Internet eyes or anyone's business. I am just so thankful He is speaking and I am listening. I am so thankful He isn't close to finished with me yet.

 

 

He isn't finished with you, either.

 

Keep fighting the good fight and be STRONG WILLED for Him.