born again

 

 

 

Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

 

John 3:3

 

 

 

That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

 

Romans 10:9

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have shared my testimony on here a few times, but every year, when it is drawing closer to spring time, I am reminded of the darkness I had in my heart leading up to the day I was saved.

 

 

 

 

I was physically born on a Thursday, at 4:41am on the 17th of November, in 1988, in Wellington, Kansas. Not exactly a big city. I think there are around 8,000 living there.

 

I'm the third of four kids.

I have an older brother and sister, and a little brother.

 

 

As a kid, I formed memories on nearly every street in that town, or at least traveled down it.

 

 

 

When I was five, and my sister was nine, we both won the Little Miss Wheat Queen pageant they had in Wellington each summer. A couple years later we both won again.

 

When I was five, I sang some song about asking God about the "thous and thees" and when it was my turn for the on stage question, they asked me what animal I would be if I could be one. Still not pronouncing my "r's" great, I responded, "A gool alligatewr" (girl alligator).

 

 

The first time I ever rode on a plane was at the teeny tiny airport that is still there. The owner of the plane was Jack Hilt. I was so scared. I think I was around five or six.

 

 

My childhood best friend was another blonde headed girl, Letisha. I remember playing with her and her siblings on the bunk bed downstairs pretending we lived in the olden days and the bunk bed was a horse drawn carriage and her little sister, Tiffany, was our little baby. When we were calmed down I remember her mom would let us play with her tea set that was in a cabinet. I remember forcing down the cereal at their house because instead of creamy cows milk from the store- they used goats milk. I was probably such a healthy kid from drinking that so much! haha!

At night her and I would lay in bed and draw on each others back to this little rhyme, "Big circle, little circle, question mark, dot, two big boulders, two tiny rocks, spiders crawling up your back, biting you, spiders crawling up your back, biting you, cool breeze (cue-blow on their neck) tight squeeze (and now squeeze their neck) GOT THE SHIVERIES???"

 

I remember ALWAYS getting goose bumps from that nearly every time! We swung on her swing set and when we found a quarter on the pavement outside their house, her mom let us walk down the street to Meeks and buy a gumball.

 

 

 

My parents have had their own flooring store there since I was about 10, I think. Now Raylea gets to be on the commercials! I am crowd and camera shy, so I'm hoping she can say all the lines this year!

 

 

I went through the Dairy Queen with my Granny numerous times in her convertible and she would get a free ice cream for her little dog, Daisy.

 

 

 

Well, I could write about 500 more memories of that town, but I will save your time and fast forward to fall of 2005.

 

 

Our pastor left our church. My dad was very faithful to not leave his church for another, so it was God's timing for us to go elsewhere.

 

 

My mom said, "can we please go to the "Fun Church," as she called it. Every time we left our church we often times would drive by Wellington Free Will Baptist Church on our way home because it was just on block north of the church we attended, you could see all the happy faces leaving and sometimes hear the happiness of worship going on inside! I remember seeing two girls a little bit younger than myself, walk to that church as we drove by and I thought to myself "I wish I was friends with them."

 

 

My dad figured that since they had bought carpet from him and he knew them, he would let us all give it a shot.

 

 

Well, they loved it!

 

 

I wasn't a Christian yet. I thought I was though...

 

 

 

I thought because I prayed and was American and my parents took me to church, that made me for sure a good Christian!

 

 

My first service there, there was a revival going on.

 

There was a couple who were of an average height on the stage, with three much taller sons.

I remember thinking "how did those two have such big kids??"

 

 

I went to church there, going through the same motions I did at our old church, for about 3 months. Then, in January 2006, on a Sunday morning, during the alter call, my dad asked me if I wanted to go pray. I unfolded my arms and only because it was my dad... I said yes.

 

I went down and knelt at the foot of the pulpit, a little bit to the left. My dad, the assistant pastor and the pastor, Zane Brooks, prayed for me. I had no words. Only tears.

 

Pastor Zane said words I will never forget, "Hannah, you don't have to say anything, God knows what your tears mean." He said that as he cried himself.

 

 

I went home and felt a little bit of softness in my heart.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two months later it was a Wednesday night.

 

 

Wednesday, March 15th, 2006

 

 

 

A man who had been saved about a year was to give his testimony for the first time to us in the Youth Group. I sat a few rows back on the right side, amongst 50 some other kids my age.

 

 

I was 17 at this time, I might add.

 

 

 

I found myself really listening to this guy. He used to be into some stuff, such as alcohol, like my dad had been. He talked of how God changed his life, which is what I saw in my own dad. I got to wandering if that Jesus was the answer for my dad and for Jason Bruns, why would He not be the answer for me?

 

 

Alter call. I'm pretty sure nobody went down. I was so ready for it to be over.

 Then he asked the musicians to play one more song, because he felt someone was supposed to come down. I didn't think twice and if I did, I ignored anything telling me to wait longer, because I got up and booked it down to that little alter at the front of the building. I cried. His soon to be wife, Anna, led me in a prayer of repentance and I made Jesus the Lord of my life in that instant. I looked around and saw only love around me as I looked into all the faces of those kids my age who were gathered around me praying.

 

 

 

 

That night I went home and did what Anna told me to do, I prayed and asked God to show me what He would like me to read. I opened my little Bible and began to read...

 

 

Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.

 These things I command you, that ye love one another.

 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.

 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.

 

 

John 15:16-19

 

 

I wrote that scripture above my bed on the wall shortly after... it's still there at my parents house.

 

 

 

God spoke to my through His word for the very first time the very night I was saved.

 

 

 Still, to this day, I try so hard to apply those verses to situations in my life.


I must remember that I am to LOVE others, even if I don't always feel it back from them. That is a lot harder at times than it sounds. But we are commanded to love one another.



And I also try to remember that I won't always be loved or liked back, by Christians or those who aren't. It's sad, but sometimes so called Christians can be the meanest people. Those are the ones who give Christianity a bad rap because they have their noses too high in the air instead of in their Bibles like they claim.

 Be meek people, be meek! You have no idea who you could be turning TOWARDS Christ or AWAY from Christ, all from your attitude and love for others.

 

 

 

 

God did so much in me that first year I was saved. He remains doing so. I am a work in progress.

 

 

I do not "practice" sin though. I don't use God's grace as a free ticket to sin.

 

 

If people in my life bring me down spiritually, I can pray for them. I don't need to run around with them though, and neither do you! As a Christian, you won't be everyone's "best friend..." Read the scripture above again if you disagree with me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Side note: Those two girls walking to that church that we passed occasionally were Zane and Charlotte's daughters, Crosby and Cheyenne.

 

 

The couple on the stage with the three tall boys... were my future family. I married the tallest boy, Grant Daniel Ledbetter. He is (in my opinion) the best preacher on the planet. No, he isn't as well known as some, he doesn't know the Greek for every word in the Bible, he doesn't Pastor his own church (yet), and he doesn't have a different suit to wear each service.

 

 

 

But, what he does have, is a heart to please God. He is meek. He is kind. He called me and the kids on his way in to town today to just have prayer with us. Yesterday after working out side all day, he came in and just wanted to hug me for a long time and he told the kids that I was his best friend. Grant is real. That is what I love most about him. He is just Grant. He is striving every day to be more Christ like and he hurts for those who are lost.

 

 

 

 

Zane is Grant's uncle (his mom's little brother.) So, Pastor Zane is now my uncle, and Charlotte, my aunt! And Cheyenne was a candle lighter in our wedding and Crosby was one of my maid of honors.

 

 

When Grant and I began dating I had never seen his parents other than when I saw them on stage that one time before I was saved. I was still in high school and had one of those fake babies for a childhood development class I was doing and I named it "Raleigh Texas Gaston." My big brother lived near Raleigh, North Carolina and my sister was in Texas at the time... me being slightly blonde at times... I pronounced Raleigh, "RAY-LEE". When Grant asked what my baby's name was, I told him. He had me repeat it about 3 times! He said in shock, "That is my parents' middle names put together!!! Danny Ray and Rhonda Lea!" I smiled and said "well, if we get married one day and have a girl, we will name her Raylea!" We were married a year and a half later in December 2007 and in October 2011 we had our first child, a girl.

 

 

And what did we name her?? Raylea Jo.

 

 

 

 

 

As you can see, God ordained many things in my life.

 

 

 

What I think is the coolest though, personally... is the fact that I was born PHYSICALLY and SPIRITUALLY in the exact same town, just 17 years and 4 months apart.

 

 

 

 

Wellington Free Will has now expanded because they are bursting at the seams in the church they've been in all these years. They will have their first service in their new church building the Sunday after Easter. I plan on going to church, since they'll still be in the old sanctuary, on Wednesday, March 15th, 2017. It will be exactly 11 years since I was saved and it'll be the last "March 15th" I can visit in the church I was born again in.

 

 

 

My husband now preaches and helps his other uncle, Garry, full time in Wichita at the Free Will church there. I love our church we attend and he ministers at, but Wellington Free Will, will always be my "home."


I thank the Lord for my simple, happy life. I thank Him I'm healthy. I thank Him my kids are healthy. I thank Him I am in a happy marriage. I thank Him for loving me.
And for that, I will always love Him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading.

I fought depression... God won.

 

 

 

 

Have you ever felt alone?

 

Not so much physically-- but mentally, spiritually, emotionally..

 

 

When days pass, and that feeling doesn't leave you, you eventually will feel a way you didn't now existed.

 

 

 

Whether you're depressed or not, you know of someone who is, or has been.

 

 

 

I would like to share with you a very intimate testimony of mine.

 

 

 

________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi, my name is Hannah.

 

 

I imagine most of you reading this already know that, but incase it's someone who is new here, "hello, and thanks for taking time out of your day to read what I have to say."

 

 

 

 

 

I am married to a man of God.

 

He is also a preacher, but that doesn't make someone godly.

 

It also doesn't make him a Christian to preach... confused yet? Well, to be a Christian is to be a Christ-follower. Grant IS a Christ-follower. I can't believe I get to be married to him. I truly am the one who "married up."

 

 

 

We have three gorgeous children, who I think are the greatest little people ever, even on their worst days.

 

 

 

 

We have a beautiful home that I love to be at, at least five days a week... :)

 

 

I am able to stay home and raise my children and I started homeschooling our oldest, who is five, this last fall.

Grant got to teach her entire lesson today for the first time. He does a way better job then me, in my opinion!

 

 

I have good friends, a few I can call my "best", and I feel loved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 But, there is this guy... he goes by "Satan."

Ever heard of him?

 

 

He jumped on my back roughly six months ago.

 

 

 

I have struggled writing about this the past few weeks because for one, I don't have a ton of "extra" time with three littles to care for, a house to clean, meals to make and a life to live. But, I have managed to make time here and there over the course of a few days because I feel this needs to be told.

 

 

 

 

 

I honestly have no clue what started it all. It was some time in August though. I do remember that detail. I felt lots of different things and hardly any of it was positive. I felt insecure, which I felt total freedom from months before, but when you voice a weakness I believe Satan will try even harder to fight you there. So, once he learned I felt I wasn't a good enough mom, wife, friend, Christian... and any other hat I wear... he knew what kind of defense to play against me. And boy, did he play hard.

 

 

 

I began questioning if my friends really cared for me. I wandered if I was really making a difference by writing on "this stupid blog" (as the devil put it..) and I began to wander if God was hearing my prayers and if I was needed by Him. I never once turned my back on God. I never once questioned my call as a wife and mom. I never once did. But, I did question why I was feeling so down.

 

 

The days went by and it never got better. It got worse. I was scared to ask even Grant to pray for me because I thought I could just pray about it myself.

 

 

 

Weeks passed.

 

 

I found myself getting short with my kids and Grant.

 

 

More weeks passed.

 

 

I found myself feeling alone even in a crowd of people who loved me.

 

 

A few months passed.

 

 

I learned to put on a fake happy smile and fool people into believing I was "great" when they asked how I was.

 

 

Besides- I am one of the preachers' wives at our church and I have to have it all together. (Another lie from the devil.)

 

 

Our precious baby girl, Arrow Brielle was born November 11th, 2016. I found myself distracted by her and I felt a sense of happiness for a few weeks. Then exhaustion hit me, I wasn't able to pray because I wasn't taking the time to really talk to God. I officially put Him on the "back burner" of life. And I wandered why I felt that way for so long...

 

 

 

Christmas came and I found myself going though the motions. Dreading to see family and groups of people because inside I was crying and wanting to sleep and sleep and sleep with nobody to give a smile to. I felt very alone and confused at this point.

 

 

The new year came and we started eating much more healthy and I've been working out a few times a week. Still, even though physically I was helping my body, I still felt "ick." I felt frustrated for feeling this way for so long.

 

 

I began to ask Grant and couple others to pray for me when they could. I was in denial of the truth. The truth that depression was all over me. I looked it, I felt it, I couldn't escape it.

 

 

 

Saturday, January 14th, 2017 was my little niece's, Zoe, first birthday party.

 

 

I didn't want to go. I tried to make my make up look as nice as possible, I even tried to fix my hair differently. I wanted to mask how I felt inside so badly.

 

I was miserable at the party. I sat there wandering when I could leave without it being "too early" or obvious. I found myself so far from happiness, at my very own nieces birthday party.

 

 

 

I stayed to take some pictures of her open her gifts and eat her cake and once some people started to leave I rushed home myself. I changed my clothes, sat on the couch and cried.

 

 

I text our family who lived here on the land to please pray for me at 6 o'clock.

 

 

I text a couple friends and my parents and asked them the same.

 

 

 

 

 

That was a rather big step for me, because I had to admit to others that I needed prayer and that I was not okay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

At 6, my brother in law, his wife, my mother and father in law and Grant all came to me and anointed me. I cried as I explained how I felt and I for once, didn't care what anyone thought of me. I was truly desperate.

 

 

 

 

As they began to pray I felt that frustration hover over me. I almost could hear Satan saying to me, "you'll have them pray over you, but you'll keep feeling this way." If it wasn't him who said it, it was me who thought it. Either way. I was very doubtful of anything changing.

 

 

 

 

I mumbled some words, trying to listen to everyone praying but I couldn't even concentrate. I hadn't been able to concentrate much for a long time at that point. Someone prayed something along the lines of God healing me from the top of my head to the souls of my feet. Seconds later, I felt an extremely warm sensation come inside of my chest and shoulders, it started moving down my body until it went past my thighs and my calves and then it was gone.

 

 

 

 

I said... IT WAS GONE.

 

 

 

 

I had no idea what had happened but I started thanking God for my healing.

 

 

 

 

A couple days passed and I was driving down the road. It dawned on me that I did not have that heaviness sitting on my shoulders and BODY anymore. I teared up and was so thankful for God's peace.

 

 

 

 

God healed me.

 

 

 

 

 

I finally came to a place where I admitted what was wrong, I admitted I was weak and HE was strong, and I let HIM take control over the situation instead of trying to do it all myself.

 

 

 

I know so many people who are unhappy today. Christian or not, depression can come on you. It is an attack directly from Satan himself is what I learned.

 

 

Now that I am free and it is gone, I look at what I can do differently.

 

 

For starters, I can be more transparent with my family and friends. If I need prayer, I can ask for it. I wasn't made to live life alone.

 

 

Secondly, I have monitored my conversations more. If someone says something negative, I try my best to encourage them to see their problem in a different light.

 

 

 

 

 I have been trying to show Raylea and Jack what it is to be content. This day and age- with all the social media and commercials on tv, it can be hard to not compare what you do or don't have to those around you. I have mentioned it a few times, but a large part of the reason I deleted my social media accounts nearly three years ago, was because I felt I had to search for the positive. I had to search for ways it helped me in my Christian walk. Every time I saw a flawless "selfie" I felt ugly when I never felt that way! When I saw someone post a picture of their new car, their clean living room, or their perfectly posed toddler, I questioned my own happiness. I wanted something "neat" to post. I wanted lots of "friends" to follow me. I wanted stuff I would have only cared about 15 years ago, as a tween. But instead, I found my 25 year old self, comparing my VERY good life to others and being, well, not content with it.

Not everyone is effected negatively by social media, but that is one of about 5 reasons why I deleted all of mine.

 

 

 

 

God wants us to be content. I felt Instagram and Twitter didn't help me out in that area.

 

God wants us to be meek. I didn't feel very meek when posting a picture of my clean car I had just washed, when I am sure there were people on there who didn't even have a car that ran.

 

 

You may say I am old fashioned... one of my closest friends once told me I was "an old soul."

 

 

I never have forgot that. Because it's very, very true.

 

 

I wish so bad we could make it in life without cell phones, honestly.

 

 

That was all a side note--- by the way! :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lastly, but most importantly, I have realized that when I feel I am not making a difference, whether that be in my own children, or for my husband, or by writing a little blog post that maybe a couple hundred people max might read, I truly NOW KNOW, that I am most definitely making a difference and that the devil wants me to believe other wise to make me feel down.

 

 

 

I shared my testimony of God healing me last Sunday at church and it has amazed me the amount of people who have opened up and confided in me because they either have felt the same, or are feeling the same.

 

 

 

 

When your pride is gone, unity takes place.

 

 

When there is unity, there can be healing.

 

 

When there is healing, then comes WORSHIP.

 

 

 

 

That is what happened to me, in that order, on Saturday, January 14th, 2017.

 

 

 

You're not alone.

 

 

You DO matter.

 

 

God DOES have plans for your life.

 

 

You and your spouse WILL work it out and come out stronger.

 

 

 

The higher the mountain you have to climb, the better the view.

 

 

 

Reach out to a Christian today if you are struggling with feeling anxious, depressed, or just not as close to God as you one time were.

 

 

Remember... when your pride is gone... that is when healing can come.

 

 

 

 

Thank you for your time and for all the love I have felt recently.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I looked back at some pictures I was in that were taken prior to 1-14-2017, and it was so crazy how you could see the sadness in my eyes. I am SO happy that when I saw this picture that I took today of me and my baby girl, that I could visually SEE happiness in my eyes.

 

 

So, here is my REAL happy face. NOT a "fake" happy one!

 

 

THANK YOU, LORD.