What is life like with me?

My goal for the next year is to write a blog post about once a month. I will rarely send them out through text message form, which I know is a reminder to you that I have written something new, but just know you just need to hop back onto this site and you'll see any new posts. I thank you for your prayers!

I’ve been reading a book on and off for about year now. I was at the end of the book, reading the bonus chapter, and I came across a single sentence that stopped me dead in my tracks. I likely won’t remember a ton of what the author said in those two hundred something pages, but this thought will stick with me forever.

The most frustrated people are those who feel their lives can only improve when others put forth the necessary effort to make things better.

When I first read it, it almost took my breath away! I have been there so many times in life!

Frustrated.

Feeling like I need others to meet me in the middle.

Please tell me someone can relate??

I don’t say this lightly. But bad things do happen. It rains on the just and the unjust. I know this. But, I always thought if I went above and beyond to make peace with others, and I attempted to make our relationship a bed of roses, why didn’t they? Did their mother not teach them manners? Practical etiquette?? Well, it doesn’t have anything to do with their mother, their history of lessons in the manners department or their ability to fake kindness even. No. 

It has to do with you.

Yes. You read that right. I know that isn’t what you wanted to hear. 

And it’s not what I want to say or hear either. 

But it is the truth. 

We, the modern day church, have become professionals at pointing out others faults.

I want to say loud and clear that I know I have my blind spots. I might think I’m a wonderful mother, wife, daughter, sister, daughter/sister in law, aunt, cousin, granddaughter… plus the fifty other hats I wear. But, if you asked those people if I had any flaws… especially if you asked those who live in close proximity to me… cough cough… GRANT… cough cough… MY KIDS… you’d find out, I am far from perfect. So, I write this in hopes that we can learn together. We can ask this question honestly to ourselves and if we are brave enough… ask those closest to us that question…

What is life like with me?

First.

Attitude.

This is a big sensitive spot, I think especially for us women.

We tend to blame an array of other outside problems for the “bad day” we are having.

It’s that time of month… we’re going through the change… we have a headache… the kids are getting on our nerves… we are hungry… we don’t feel appreciated… yes, those are real reasons to have a slight mood change… I do agree!

But… have you ever been around someone who has been having a “bad day” for about 39 years? I mean, that is a really long headache they must be enduring.

It not only is exhausting for the person with the bad attitude, but it wears those around you out as well.

I’m not at all talking about UNSAVED people, who truly, we gotta give them a big fat pass. Why should they have a good attitude? They aren’t saved! I had a HORRIBLE attitude in my humble opinion before I got saved. I remember sitting in church with my arms crossed, slouched in my seat just trying to show my parents how badly I did not want to be there. They probably didn’t even notice. But, that’s what bad attitudes do… they make it all about them.

But, if you’re a CHRISTIAN. Born again. Saved. On your way to Heaven. Check your attitude. Especially if you plan on being able to lead anyone to the Lord.

Secondly.

What about being a know-it-all.

They don’t see what they say as an opinion. They see it as facts. One of the most damaging parts of a relationship is pride! I honestly believe it is the most damaging part to our relationship with God.

Third.

Do your words build up or tear down?

I read an illustration recently from Lysa TerKeurst of how our relationships with others is like a bridge over a vast canyon. You are on one side, and a person you care about is on the other side. Every time you dishonor that person with your words, you remove a plank from the bridge. At first, it’s no big deal. But soon, after days, weeks and years of backbiting, hurtful statements, even lies and rumors, the once solid, sturdy bridge, is now left with huge gaping holes that are nearly impossible to cross.

Here are some ways to tear down the bridge quickly, or even silently and slowly over time.

(I added in a few of the pointers I heard from the illustration.)

·         Say, “I told you so,” every time they make a mistake or wrong turn

·         Look at them with displeasure every time they walk by you and continually have unrealistic expections from them

·         Assume the worst about the other person

·         Gossip about them behind their back

·         Paint them in a negative light to others

·         Competing with another person’s accomplishments instead of celebrating them

·         Processing my thoughts about someone with others before talking directly to that person

Each of those things remove planks from your connecting bridge. Those holes can be repaired, but it will take time, and a lot of intentionality.

Here are some ways to help mend that bridge.

·         How can I best encourage you?

·         Is there an area I can better support you?

·         How can we make our relationship a priority in this season?

·         Give them a genuine compliment

·         Pray for them

·         Pray for yourself to be a more godly spouse, family member and friend

·         Say to them, “I am sorry, I was wrong.” It may not feel good, especially if you don’t feel you did anything wrong, it still is the right thing to do. Again, pride says hold onto the hurt. Point your finger. Stand your ground. You don’t deserve this. Remember… when the devil moves his lips, he is lying.

Mature Christians learn to say sorry, and mean it. And mature Christians also learn to say, “I forgive you,” even if the other party doesn’t mean it.

Hatred stirs up strifes: but love covers all sins. Proverbs 10:12

Put into action this single scripture in your relationships today. You’ll be amazed at what happens when you realize that love covers ALL sins. No matter what they said, no matter what they did, no matter how long it happened, no matter how mean they still are, love can cover their sin. Only a person who has had their own sins covered by Jesus’ blood can come close to understanding how to cover another person’s sin.

My dad often refers to the verse, that implies those who are forgiven of much, love much. I have been forgiven of a lot. I imagine you have, too. When we look at ourselves and deep into the places only God sees. We are as filthy rags. We are deserving of a literal hell. If we want our sin covered by someone who was PERFECT, (Jesus Christ), what makes us so quick to not cover someone else’s sin, who needs forgiveness as much as you do. When Jesus says in the Bible to forgive your brother who offends you 70 times 7 times, you can’t tell me that each time that person who committed the “hurt” towards someone 490 times, that each time they had the perfect apology and perfect excuse for why they did the offense and the perfect way to make it up before doing it yet again and needing forgiveness again. No, I believe whole heartedly that sometimes you won’t get the apology, and sometimes, if you do get the apology, it will not be perfectly satisfying. I think it shows a lot of someone who is willing to forgive regardless of how the offender plans to amend. I have forgiven people who I’ll probably never see again in my life. And if I did I would be half scared of them! Why?? I forgive because Jesus died on the Cross for me to be free from worrying about others making amends and others taking the steps needed towards reconciliation.

I am a pretty open book. I’ve been told I trust too easily. And it’s not that I trust too easily, because few, and I mean few, have I really let in. I simply want others to see that I’m real, I’m raw, I’m human like them. I want others to know that when I’m gone to Heaven, that I was real. I wasn’t putting on. I wasn’t trying to be friends with every person I met. I know for me, when I was a teenager, I went through a season that made me extremely insecure. I felt I would never be worthy of a boys’ love and I would never be worthy of a friendship with a girl who really wanted to be my true friend. So, when I got saved as a 17 year old, I was determined that I would love others freely and openly, as much as they wanted and needed to be loved. Because, let’s be real for a minute, people are starving for love. People are starving for acceptance. People are dying for someone to be their friend.

So, I end this with just one last little thought.

What would life be like without you?

You may think it would be a relief to those around you! You may be depressed and down on yourself. I was there just 4 years ago. I always said it lasted for only 6 months, but I was reading my journal a couple days ago, and it went on for at least a year before I was delivered. It was truly a dark spirit that weighed me down. I felt I was so worthless in every area of my life. I believed life would be better for those around me if I wasn’t there anymore. I felt I was a burden.

So, even though I DO want us to truly look our hearts and examine what is inside and ask God to show us what we are really like to live life with…. I also want to remind you that you ARE wanted by someone. Maybe your parents have told you the most hateful things. Maybe you’ve been let down repeatedly by your spouse. Maybe you’ve believed the lie for years that you are a waste of space. Let me just tell you this, that is exactly what it is. A lie. A lie is deception and the opposite from TRUTH.

You are not less than.

You are not lonely!

You are not left out.

Even if you feel it. It’s not true. It’s a vain imagination.

I’m 31 and I still remind myself often that I am WORTHY. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of true, meaningful friendships, I am worthy of respect and honor. I am worthy because I serve the One who says I am worthy and worth much.

Be the person God made you to be, and you’ll find ways to rebuild bridges with others and you’ll also find so much self-worth in knowing that you are enough for God and that is truly all that matters. Self-worth and self-confidence isn’t about being cocky, or stuck up. It is about knowing WHO makes you have that worth and that confidence. I am confident because I know God made me exactly like He wants me to look. I am worthy because the blood that was poured out by Jesus thousands of years ago on a Cross.

When you keep that Cross the main object of your faith, happiness and peace of mind…

The answer to that question, “What is life like with me?” Will be... 

WONDERFUL. PEACEFUL. JOYFUL.

It’s about HIM. Not you. Not me.

Let’s walk this pilgrim way together with our eyes on the prize and make life easier for others by being sweet and kind.

The illustration is found in the book Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst. It's an awesome read.