What's a godly wife look like?

I want to thank Melanie Jean Bloom for contributing her time, wisdom, and love to this blog. I wanted another person's perspective on what it is to be a godly wife and she was the first person who came to my mind. I have only seen Melanie be gentle, kind, and respectful to her husband, Dan, and from day one he has always looked at her with so much love in his eyes! That being said, this mama of five and wife of ten years knows a lot about what it is to be a godly wife. I was encouraged, convicted and challenged by the words she wrote! I know you will be, too! Whether you've been married a few months or sixty years, this post applies to you, woman of God!

-Hannah

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What does it mean to be a godly wife?

Let’s first take a look at marriage and its intended purpose.

Marriage was created to be a reflection of the gospel, of Christ and His bride, the church. We see this in Ephesians 5. This is so important to understand in our marriages. So often when people get married, we don’t see that in our vows we are vowing to no longer live for ourselves. Once we are married, life is no longer about us or our selfish desires and pursuits, but we are to lay down our lives for another, much like Christ laid down His life for us. Not in a physical sense do we do this, but rather in a spiritual sense. We as wives are to submit to our husbands out of reverence to Christ, just as the church is to submit to Christ, her husband. Just as when we vow our lives to God we are to die to self and live for Him, when we vow ourselves to our spouse we are to die to our selfishness and love/cherish/serve/remain faithful to our spouse. This by no means is demeaning in any way, but rather is a blessed role and one that should be cherished and looked upon with much joy. We get to build up and encourage and strengthen and help our husbands for all of our lives. Our submission is not the walking over of us as a doormat, but is the beauty of showing our utmost respect for the man we love. It doesn’t mean that we don’t have a say in anything, but that we choose our words and our tone and the opportunity in which we speak the harder things in love, wisely and respectfully. There is so much power in our words. Our words can bring life or they can be death (Proverbs 18:21). We must choose them wisely. A woman can build her home up but in foolishness of speech she can tear it right back down (Proverbs 14:1). 

I think it is important when we look at our role as a wife to examine the things that Jesus wants from His bride the church. Some of these things are loyalty, love and devotion, doing things out of the sincerity of our hearts and not as duty or obligation. He wants us to willingly follow His lead, and to trust Him. He wants us to walk side-by-side in faithfulness and in unity with Him. Not to undermine Him, to never smear His name or make Him look inadequate in front of others, but lift Him up and speak well of Him, to defend Him. To be fully committed to Him. 

What would become of our marriages if we treated our husbands with the same kind of respect and devotion? Not to put them in the place of God, because our first love and devotion should always be to God, but to rightfully place our husband in the next position beneath God and to serve him with great devotion and joy!!

The scriptures say that it is better to live in the corner of a house top than in a home with a quarrelsome wife (Proverbs 21:9 & 25:24). How often do we ponder that and the effects of our actions, words and attitude towards the one that we love? What atmosphere are we creating within our homes? Loving, joyful, welcoming homes? Or ones ridden with complaint and discontent? Are we engaging and encouraging? Or are we uneasy to please, always discrediting the actions or intentions of others? 

Do our words build up and encourage and strengthen or are we tearing down the very home that we want to build? Is our speech gracious and “seasoned with salt” (Colossians 4:6)?

We will have moments of disagreements and times that we don’t see eye to eye, but what is our attitude during those moments? Do we hold onto stubbornness and pride? Or are we humble and willing to take responsibility and apologize for our hurtful words or actions when a disagreement has taken place? 

The scriptures say that a soft answer turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1). We all have hard and grumpy days, we all say things in a way that we shouldn’t at times. When we can learn to give a gentle answer in the moments when our husbands slip up with their words or their actions towards us, we have great power in not allowing that to turn into a big argument or into more deeply hurt feelings. 

Remember that in Proverbs 18:22 it says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Make that true in your life and in your marriage. 

And for those who may be in a difficult marriage, never underestimate the power of respectful and pure conduct or that of a gentle and quiet spirit which in God’s sight is very precious (1 Peter 3). Pursue your relationship with the Lord with the same devotion as you desire your husband to pursue you. And don’t give up hope. We serve a God who is able to breathe life into the dead. Live in full faith of that fact.  I do not say those things to those whose lives are in danger, sometimes we do need to seek out help. But to those who have given into defeat - I remind you that the arm of the Lord is never too short. 

Let’s build strong marriages for the glory of God & hold them in great honor (Hebrews 13:4). Never forget that Satan wants to kill, steal and destroy (John 10:10), so put safeguards in place & don’t allow him in. And never build separate lives under the same roof, but work towards oneness and unity in all things. 

 Lord, please give us the strength to build marriages that put the beauty of your gospel on display for the world around us. Enable us through the power of your Holy Spirit to fulfill the roles that you’ve called us to. Breathe life into the dead. Bring joy, peace and great encouragement to those who need it. And help us women to encourage and build up one another, to hold each other accountable, to give wise and godly counsel, and to be a listening ear for one another. In Jesus’ Holy Name we pray. Amen!