The first birthday that never was

Although our little baby went to Heaven after he/she had been in my womb for a mere six weeks, I still was able to form a love and connection with that child. I never got to hear their heartbeat, but it had been beating for a few weeks at that point. I never got to feel that first kick. I never got to kiss them on the cheek and tell them "welcome to the world, little baby," as I did my other two children.

Just a couple weeks I sat in church surrounded by three other pregnant ladies who all discussed their future plans. I was happy for them, but still sad for me. Sure, I had Ray, my two year old, but I don't think that the statement is true when people say, "at least you have one healthy baby here with you." Or, "at least you have Raylea."

A baby is a person, just like you. In or outside of the womb.

I had someone tell me it was my bodies way of "flushing itself out." Yeah, that could be put in the book called, "The dumbest things to say to a person who suffered a miscarriage."

What's amazing is even though I was confused being that we had wanted our second child for 13 months at that point, and for something so innocent and perfect as a baby to be taken from me in an single day, I still had peace.

Those who know me at all, know that it wasn't but a few months after that we announced our following pregnancy, little Jack Gannon, who is now 10 months old.

Here soon I am going to write a post on all the miracles God has performed in his little life.

I told someone yesterday I can't imagine not having Jack. If our baby who went to Heaven at 6 weeks in the womb would have been here, Jack wouldn't. Now, that's a very sad thought. I know why I had peace during that personal trial, and it was because God had a plan. A better one than me.

If August Shalom would have stayed here, he/she would have been one year old today.

Today is their first birthday that never was.

I think it's pretty awesome though that that baby is in Heaven. I will get to meet my baby for the first time in Heaven. Instead of a doctor or Grant handing me my baby, it will be Jesus. That is a moment I have to look forward to.

There are many birthdays of people that never were. The man who died of cancer at 36 never had a 37th birthday. The woman killed in a car wreck at 54 never saw her 55th.

In Heaven though... everything will be made perfect. We have a definition of perfect. But, how we define paradise isn't close to how awesome it really is.

I don't know what birthday I won't get to see.

It may be my 90th. It may be my 30th. It may be that I am raptured out of here tomorrow and I won't see my 27th. I am game for that! :) I am so excited to go home.

Sir. Ma'am. Kid. Child. Teen. Grandma. Grandpa. Baby.

You have no idea when you will celebrate your last birthday. I would love to tell you to go live out all of your dreams. Travel the world. Go skydiving. Get married. Live by the ocean.

That's all fine and dandy. But I am warning you to prepare for eternity.

You don't know when you'll step into it.

God gives us a FREE WILL to make the choice of whether or not we want to accept Him and live for Him. He won't force you. Neither will I. But I will continue to beg you to make the right choice sooner, rather than later.

The devil is a liar. You are loved, wanted and needed. That's a lie he played on me for a long time. Even after I was saved. He told me I had to win others over. I had every reason to be insecure. I wasn't pretty enough. I wasn't tall enough. I wasn't smart enough. I was funny enough. I wasn't whatever enough.

I can tell you this though, I may not be perfect and I sure never will be until I step over into Glory, but I know the devil wants nothing more than to defeat me in life because he knows he is losing in the end and he wants to take as many down with him as possible. He isn't going to play fair. He isn't going to say, "no blood, no foul." He wants blood. He wants just that actually. He wants me and you to die physically and mostly spiritually.

Speak this with me right now.

(I speak this out loud as I am typing this.)

Satan. Listen up.

You are a loser.

You used to make me feel condemnation over any of my past.

You have made me lie before.

You have caused me to feel jealousy, hatred and wrong feelings towards others before.

You have caused me to believe I am ugly.

You have made me believe I am worthless and I would be better off dead.

You have made me feel like I have no purpose.

You have made me feel like nobody likes me. Or even loves me.

You have tried hard to bring me down. And at times, I felt pretty low.

But, Satan, you have lost.

You have lost me.

You have lost my soul. My eternity. My family. My dreams and future.

Jesus Christ is the Lord of my life and their is NO condemnation found in Him.

His love is perfect and cast out all fear and evil, which is what you are.

I rebuke you in the name of Jesus.

You must flee from me because I have the power through the name of Jesus to demand that.

So, leave.

Run, actually.

I plan on stealing many souls you think you have gained and winning them over to God's Kingdom.

YOU HAVE ZERO CONTROL OVER ME.

___________________________________________

You don't know your last day. So, make it right with God before it's forever too late.