Wounded For Good

But as for you, ye thought evil against me, but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.

Genesis 50:20

 

 

Have you ever been hurt? Betrayed? Rejected? Forgotten?

 

 

Maybe you are tougher than me, but those things are all hurtful, in my opinion. I have felt all of them, intensely over the course of the past year. I have always loved very deeply, therefore, I get hurt very deeply. It's not really a positive quality of mine, at least in my opinion, but nevertheless, it is one. As much as I have tried to become calloused to betrayal, rejection or being forgotten, I still am such a sensitive person. When somebody in my life hurts, I hurt. When a friend of mine is in pain, I can't just pray for them and go about my day. I feel their pain. I carry those burdens.

 

 

I have went through many seasons in my 29 years. I was lost the first 17 years and 4 months of my life. I had no idea what it was to really be a Christian. After being saved, I went through a season of guilt. I felt bad for any little thing I did wrong prior to being saved. Then I went through a season of depression. It lasted around 6 months. I was miraculously delivered from it one year ago. Then, I entered a season of wounds. Yes, you read that correctly. Wounds. I was bitter at first. I'm just being honest. I didn't understand why I would have to be wounded as a Christian. I always sang and loved the song "Through it all." It was my favorite song during the time we went through our miscarriage. I heard it again recently and the words resonated in my soul.

 

 

If I never had a problem, I wouldn't know God could solve them, wouldn't know what faith in His Word could do...

 

 

I went through betrayal in my teenage years, as I'm sure most people do. You think your "best friend" will be your best friend for then next 75 years and then you realize they are human before you guys graduate high school. But, once I became a Christian, I had no idea I would feel betrayal and rejection by other Christians.

 

 

I started reading about Joseph. If somebody was rejected and betrayed, it was him. If someone had a reason to be bitter, it was him. And if someone had a reason to get even, it was him! But, what amazes me to this very moment about Joseph is the fact that he never threw it up in his brothers faces that he was right all along. Instead, in the end, he wept over them. He showed Christ' love to them when he forgave them.

 

 

 

Has someone lied about you? Or perhaps they didn't lie. Maybe they just repeated a matter that was between only the two of you. You wander why they would take a chance on wounding your heart when you have been only true and loyal to them your entire friendship. No, you haven't been perfect, but you stood by their side and you always defended them. You cried with them. You laughed with them. You worshipped together. You prayed together.

I have always kept a thin sheet up between my fingertips and my keyboard, but I feel I can't help anyone unless I am totally transparent.

 I have spoken to God about how I have felt and He's done a mighty work in my life. I am a private person, so I don't like others to know information about me that isn't skin deep, but as I share a little bit of my heart, I pray someone relates and can get some help knowing I'm making it through the fire and so will they. Remember, when something is under heat, impurities will come to the top. 

 Speaking of talking to God, talk to Him. I have grown closer to God in the past year or two because I have made a point to go to HIM first- not my best friends here on earth.

I have been lied about.

 I have had words put in my mouth.

I'm not sure which is worse, the fact that someone did that to me, or the fact that somebody else really believed what they said. Regardless. I was wounded.

 

 

Have you been rejected? And the more you tried, the more you were pushed away?

I can relate.
 

 I felt that because they didn't want or need me in their life, that was a reflection of my worth. Wounded, again. This wound came at the same time as the betrayal wound. So, I had two wounds I was trying to heal and protect, all the while, the enemy was digging their dirty sharp claws deep into my open wounds, getting me while I was down. Pressing their foot hard into my throat. I truly felt I was suffocating some days.

 

 

I have written about how I have been a people pleaser before. I have also said how I have went through a time of feeling insecure, like I was never measuring up in life. The devil has tried just about any tactic possible to torment my mind. The antidote for ALL of these issues I have been through in the past 29 years have all been found in God's Word.

 

 

I don't have some big newfound explanation on how to get over feeling guilty, how to stop people pleasing and trying to have every single persons approval, how to stop feeling down in the dumps, how to lift your spirits when you're betrayed by a friend, rejected by a family member, forgotten or attacked by the devil...

 

 

No, what I have is the best words known to man. God's Word.

 

 

So, here's my testimony of how God got me through and how He still gets me through.

 

 

When I was feeling guilt...

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

When I was being a people pleaser...

There are many devices in a man's heart; nevertheless the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand. Proverbs 19:21

When I was depressed or anxious...

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27

When I was feeling betrayed...

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

When I was feeling rejected...

He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. Psalms 147:3

When I am feeling forgotten...

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13&14

 

 

And the one verse that is my screensaver which I am currently trying to memorize which you can apply to any situation in life...

But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. Genesis 50:20

 

 

If you are God's child, Satan thinks evil against you. That's a no brainer.

I know I have a lot more to learn in life but as I learn, I want to help share what God has done in my life, in hopes that it will encourage and strengthen someone else out there. Perhaps someone I have not and will never meet on this side.

I am truly sorry for every thing and every person who has ever hurt you. I am sorry for every person who never showed up for you. I am sorry for the racism you experienced. I am sorry for the sexual abuse. I am sorry for the verbal abuse. I am sorry they left. I am sorry they let you go. I am sorry they didn’t choose you. I am sorry they forgot you. I am sorry. 

 

Don't wait any longer for an apology. Sometimes- you just won't get the "I'm sorry," you've longed for, so you can move on. But God wants to heal you and allow you to move on even without an apology.

 

 

 

 

I want to genuinely say thank you for reading and I pray you are blessed by something I wrote. Remember that you ARE enough and that you DO matter and that you ARE needed and wanted.

 

 

 

 

Forgive those who have wounded you. To be forgiven by God, we must forgive others.

Give those around you margin for error. Give them allowance to not always be just perfect. Be quick to say you are sorry and to forgive them. Don't remind them of their faults. Don't expect a pat on the back for doing something good. Don't just pray because it's expected of you as a Christian. Pray because that's how you talk to God. That's how you draw closer to the Friend who will never leave or forsake you. Stop living in the past. Step into the future you were made to trail blaze. You were wounded for good. Just like me.

love, Hannah

 

 

I send this out in a group message on my phone to whoever I know likes to read it, so thanks for anyone who does. Several people have told me they want to share what I say on social media or through other avenues, which I welcome any new traffic and readers. :) Someone from Isle of Man was reading last night. WOW. SO cool.

 

 

 

p.s. even though those who hurt me as a teen or as an adult will never read this, I still want to say and want you to know... I forgive you. Whether you ever say you're sorry or not. I forgive you.

I love you. I mean that.