What's on my mind...

Today, I have too much to say.

 

 

 

 

Or, type.

 

 

 

 

It'll be hard to title this post because it's going to be just what's on my mind...

 

 

 

 

I want to always be transparent.

 

 

 

 

 

I never want someone to look at me and think just because I married a "Ledbetter" and he is preacher, that makes me untouchable, perfect and un-human.

 

 

 

I don't say things on my blog to boast of what I know and what you don't know about spiritual things, because, trust me, I am still learning and I will learn until the day I leave this Earth.

 

 

 

 

One of my biggest pet-peeves is having a conversation with someone who knows everything about everything and already knows everything you have to say.

 

 

 

 

I tend to keep the conversation about the weather with those kinds of people...

 

 

 

 

I wanted to say all that before I started to speak my heart on what God is doing in my life.

 

So you'll know I'm just being me, Hannah, nobody extra special.

 

I know that.

 

 

 

_____________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

I have aloud God to speak to my heart more in the past several weeks, than I have any other time in the decade I have been a Christian.

 

 

 

 

He has shown me that I was made in His image.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have realized by making a set time each day to read my Bible, that God's Word really is food for my soul. Being a mom has been a little bit of an excuse I have used in the past to make myself feel better for going a few days without unzipping the cover to my Bible. I'm speaking for myself here, what I have done and what I have felt recently needed to change for me to grow spiritually.

 

 

 

 

I've started in Genesis and I have taken my time not just through each chapter, but each verse. Thinking about what it means, how can I apply it today and just how amazing God is.

 

 

 

 

I have never read it front to back, straight through, so I'm excited about this journey. I'm not trying to do it in a year, just taking my time to learn each story.

 

 

 

 

 

I have realized being a people pleaser will just wear me out. I've done it most of my life, but I've learned that just stepping back, and being a good friend and being sensitive to God's voice when He urges me to do something more, is exactly what I'm supposed to do. Not worry if I'm doing enough all the time...

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have learned that I am to "take the good and leave the bad" in every relationship I have. I can't change people. Whether it's Grant, whether isn't my mom, my father in law, my sister, my friend, or a complete stranger, I can't change anyone to fit into a mold I think they need to fit into. Only God can.

 

God changed me and each day is changing me... no person is changing me. He gives us a will to sin, a will to serve... I get to choose. You get to choose. Every moment we get to choose between sinning against the Lord, the One in which made us, or we can choose to serve Him, and honor Him.

 

 

 

 

I believe when you have a tender heart you'll say sorry. And mean it. If I slapped you across the head and said sorry and two minutes later did it again, I not only have zero self control, but I care little about your feelings. I feel it's the same way with willful sin. You can't keep saying you're sorry to God after you look at pornography and then turn your computer or phone on and go to those sites again a day or two later and say you just are fighting something. Well, use the brain God gave you, and FIGHT the devil. Throw your phone in the trash. Sell your computer. It's not worth the damage it will cause. That goes with drinking too. I understand some people try so hard to stop drinking, stop smoking, doing drugs, cussing, lying, gossiping, listening to ungodly music and watching ungodly television. But, my answer is the same for all of these willful, continual sins, GIVE IT TO GOD. Each day, and each day, it'll get easier and become more sick to you to sin against the One who died to give you life. I believe in repentance and I believe in turning from sin. NO, I'm not perfect. But, if I have sin in my life, it hurts my heart, I repent and I change my attitude to line up with the Lord's on the subject. Big, small and in between, God wants you to just line up your thoughts with His. It truly isn't that hard. You must take action though. Yes, ask for prayer, yes, go to church, yes read your Bible, but also, get rid of those friends who bring you down, get rid of your TV if you can't control watching junk on it. Get rid of your phone if all you do is look at ungodly filth on it. Get rid of your clothes that do nothing but make men lust after you. USE COMMON SENSE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have realized that Grant isn't going to be the perfect man. Who am I to think he should be? Who am I to think he should always be the one to say sorry first or take out the trash without me asking? Who am I to think he was made to be my help meet?

 

 

 

 

I have learned that Grant is Grant and I am Hannah, and together, we are Grant and Hannah. Exactly what God wanted. Two separate people, joining together to compliment each others strengths and weaknesses.

 

 

 

 

 

I have realized Grant has a more special call on his life than what I ever thought or dreamt of before. Some of it has unfolded, but I believe only about a quarter of it has come to surface. The best is yet to come for Grant and I. We are team. I am to put him above our children, parents, friends and other interest, and he is to do the same. That's scripture, not me talking.

 

 

 

 

I have realized I am made to please God. I am made to be a servant for Him and to help add to His Kingdom. Not tear it down. Not be a bad witness. I'm to share the GOOD NEWS with everyone, not just a person or two a month.

 

 

 

 

 

Let God speak to you. Open His Word. It'll come to life if you just start reading. Start in Genesis and just keep reading a chapter or two a day. Pray. LOVE. Don't be judgmental. God's the judge, not you. Keep a sweet attitude and don't be around people who bring you down and make you feel bad.

 

 

 

 

 

Mostly, SEEK HIM WHILE HE MAY BE FOUND...



What do you get out of your friendships?

 

 

What do you get out of your friendships?

Exactly what you put into them, so don't acted surprised later.

 

 

 

I truly have enjoyed keeping my blog. I like to think that if one day I'm dead and gone from this earth, that there will still be a hand full of people who occasionally stumble across my web page.

 

 

I keep several journals. A few personal ones and one for each of my children. If I need to express myself to someone, I best do it through a card or letter. Just ask Grant. ;) Even though some conversations are meant to be only face to face or on the phone, sometimes I prefer texting if that's appropriate because I feel I just make the most sense when I am able to write, reread and proofread whatever it was that came out of my head.

 

 

Grants cousin, Tessa, said the other day she has so many cards from me. I hope she keeps those for a long time. She helped me grow spiritually more than just about anyone else did the first year I was saved. Most convictions I have today I formed because I was under her influence for about a year and a half.

 

 

I like to write Jason and Anna, the man who gave his testimony and the woman who prayed with me the night I was saved, a letter to tell them how much I appreciate them each year around the time I was saved. That's been ten years ago. They will keep getting a card until I can't physically walk to the mail box anymore. Jason called about a month ago and said that the letter I sent him would go in his memory box.

 

 

My mom said when she went to visit my older brother a little over a year ago, that he had this chicken wire thing in his house that had things hung on it that me and Raylea had sent him.

 

 

When my Grandpa Stegeman passed away, almost 9 years ago, my sister said as she was going through things with our Granny, and that she came across several cards that I had sent him. He died from cancer.

 

 

My sister in law Morgan sent me a text picture a while back of a card I had sent her shortly after I met her. We were friends before we were sister in laws, which is pretty cool.

 

 

My friend Crosby told me a while back that she found a bunch of cards I sent to her, I think while she was in college.

 

 

 

 

What's the trend here?

 

 

People keep letters.

 

People keep kind words.

 

 

 

Why?

 

 

Because first off, people have to go out of there way to find a card, take about five minutes to neatly write a message that takes thought and time, find an envelope that fits the card, find the address, find a stamp, (or the correct change like I do) and walk or drive it to your mail box.

 

 

 

 

I rarely get cards. But when I do, trust me, I save them! That is why I, since I was a kid, I have enjoyed sending people mail. I remember when Grant and I first were married, and a lady named Linda Rhodes said to me "I know the boys like to hunt, Danny likes music, Rhonda loves to shop.. what is your hobby though?"

 

I will never forget that because not many people care what another persons hobby is.

 

 

I told her I loved to read and write. I loved sending cards to people.

 

 

That week she came to me with a gift. I opened it up and to this day, I have never been given a more thoughtful present. She gave me the book called "Rachel's Tears" and 100 cards and 100 stamps.

 

Linda has went on to be with the Lord, but I wish so badly I could sit down and write her and tell her again how that still means so much to me. And always will.

 

 

 

I guess I wanted to just remind you that sometimes a card makes a persons day.

 

 

I consider it a ministry. I believe God uses my words to encourage people, and there isn't anything more I would want to do. No, I'm not on stage or have a public platform for everyone to see, but when I have a person laid on my heart to write, and I am able to send them a card and pray over it, I have a such a peace in knowing I did exactly what I am called to do.


Write.

I like write, call and check in with people as often as possible because I am true believer in the first statement I wrote today. You will truly get out of a friendship what you are willing to put into it. Now, I'm not going to lie, there are multiple people in my life who I write, call and give my love to, and I rarely get back. That isn't the point in me being friends with them, or befriending them. Some of them are in my family. Some are in Grant's. Some are people I have no relationship to, but I have felt led to show them love, because they just might not know how to show it back.


If you have friends, show them you love them. I think what the saddest thing about our modern day society is, besides the fact that as a whole we are becoming less like Jesus Christ, is the fact that nothing is personable and private and takes much thought anymore.



It's your mom's birthday? Just shoot her a message on Facebook.



It's Mother's Day? Send her a text, or a call, if you really feel loving...



It's your spouses birthday? Post a picture of them on your social media and proclaim to the world how much you love them, and then forget to tell them to their face later...



Your best bud is going through a hard time? Or maybe a super happy time?
Again, a Facebook message or text should be a good enough Band-Aid or congrats, right?



 

 What happened to cards? Home cooked meals? Having friends over for a cookout? Sending someone flowers? Taking someone their favorite Sonic drink? Writing a note to just tell them how much they mean.


It doesn't take a million bucks to be a friend. It doesn't even take buying them something. But it does take you investing SOMETHING into them. Time, prayer, love, a helping hand and yes, money if you want to buy them something.




Don't be surprised if one day you look around and you have few, or any friends at all, if you never take time to invest in them. People need love. People need to know they are appreciated. People need affirmation!



Our society is so self centered, we think about how we can improve everything in our lives, get a better hairstyle then her, have you kids nicer things then anyone their age, have a higher college degree so you can brag about, get, get, and get.. for yourself!




Why don't we practice GIVING, instead of GETTING?


 

 

Why don't you consider taking time to write someone today? I like to think about people who probably don't always get mail. Sure, you can write your mom or best friend, they need encouragement too! But, consider writing someone who doesn't have much family or many friends. Or who's just going through a tough time.

 

 

I promise you'll make someone's day if you'll take some time and write them.

 

 

 

 

Happy Writing. :)

 

 

 

 

 



I always said I wanted four kids..

 

 

 

 

 

Raylea Jo
10-10-2011

 

 

Too many words come to my mind when I think of Ray, but the top phrase would have to be, tender hearted. Our first little baby, who first called me Mama. She went through a funny stage when she was around 2, where she would randomly tell me, "Bless you, Hannah." For whatever reason, it was hilarious to all who heard her.

 

 

She wants to pray for people who honestly don't come to my mind all that often. It's like that is God's way of reminding me of how much I'm forgetting.

 

She's always been a big cuddler. She was a week old when I started her sleeping on my pillow. Hey, when a kid is screaming for hours at night and the only way you or they will get any sleep is by them sleeping basically on top of you, so be it. That's all I'm sayin. But, to this day, she ends up in our bed at some point in the night. One day she will be 15 and I will wish I could go back to these days, so honestly, I just savor them.

 

 

Ray loves to play outside. She brings me dandelions by the handful. She is an outdoor girl, that is for sure. She loves to garden with her Mimi. We are going to make our own little garden in our back yard this year. We have a few little plants waiting to grow to be transplanted right now.

 

She loves singing. She will sing songs that she knows or she will make them up.


She has always loved staying the night with her grandparents or aunts/uncles. Whoever will ask to have her over, she is ready to go!


She has a big imagination. She wants to tell stories or be told a story. She loves school, which is in our home. She loves butterflies, Dixie Stampede, and anything that has to do with cooking or baking.

She has always loved reading, and she can actually sound some words out already, without me working on that with her yet. She's a fast learner.


She always wants a story and to watch a "Bible Adventure" before heading to sleep.


She will be five this fall. Doesn't seem right.

Raylea is named after four people... Ray is her Papa's middle name, Lea is her Nana's middle name, Jo is her Mimi's and my middle name. Danny Ray. Rhonda Lea. Laurie Jo. Hannah Jo. That equals... Raylea Jo.



I just had to take a break from writing because Raylea asked for some applesauce. As I was pouring it into a bowl, I asked her to get a spoon. She said, "we are a great team, I love you."


That pretty much sums up me and Raylea.


Always and forever, baby girl we will be a great team and we will love each other.

August Shalom
12-15-2013

I have spoke of August many times. We prayed for another baby after Ray. God blessed us with August. Even though we never got to see that baby, kiss their cheeks and buy them a sweet little outfit to come home from the hospital in, their heart still beat for some time on earth and they are now in Heaven. God gave me the most beautiful dream two nights after I said goodbye to that little baby in my belly.

August was the month I was due.

Shalom means peace.


No more than a day goes by that I don't think of that baby.


We will see you soon, sweetie.








Jack Gannon
10-13-2014

 

 

Jack had the odds against him when it came to him surviving in my belly. Well, to me, a 50% chance isn't very promising. He came a month early but still somehow weighed 6 pounds and 14 ounces. The first the Dr said was, "he has broad shoulders!" Then he told me that the hemorrhage that they saw on ultrasound (which was the largest our nurse had seen, and she had worked with high risk pregnancies for over ten years,) when he got it out when Jack was born, he told me it was double the size they thought it was! Made the whole fact that Jack was there and ALIVE that much more a miracle. Dr explained to me he had the cord wrapped tightly around his neck and he had to pinch him to get him to cry, but he was fine. Jack ate wonderful right off and slept great from day one. Around 7 and a half months old he started having what looked like little seizures. EEG showed a slowing on the brain. Neurologist said that is caused by stroke or tumors. Made me just about pass out. Not kidding. That rocked my world to say the least. MRI showed NOTHING except a perfectly healthy brain and the morning after the MRI was the last time he EVER had one of those "seizures." Had neurology check up not long ago and he said he's on target for everything.



Jack is a miracle in more ways then one.


At 4 months old he caught RSV, bronchitis and pneumonia. That junk lasted FOR.EV.ER. He seriously had that cough for maybe 16 weeks. Maybe a little longer, but I don't want to stretch it. He did breathing treatments which is a steroid during that time, and finally I could wean him off of that. Dr said he may get asthma from the sickness and if cough continued after four months he would test and treat him for it. Cough went away and he's just fine. No asthma. Thank the Lord.



Jack is happy.


He likes to give me about 72 mini heart attacks every day. For instance, he enjoys standing on the edge of the bed and leaning forward right before he falls off and then catches his balance and falls back onto the bed. He thinks that is funny!



He loves music. Anytime he hears a song, Grant playing guitar, or Raylea singing one of her songs, he goes to town shaking his head and twirling his feet every direction.



He loves balls. Wheels. Dirt. He is your typical boy I suppose. So different from a girl.


He loves "nanas." (Bananas.) He eats one nearly every single day.

Berries of any kind. Bath time. Story time.


He loves nap time and bed time. It is kind of comical. He will reach up to me and lay his head sideways and grin when I ask if he wants to go to bed. He will lay there and go to sleep within a minute or so. So different from a girl I know... his big sister. She has a bit more lengthy routine to get to sleep. But I totally enjoy both.


Jack thinks our dog, Sophie, is hilarious. He loves to throw her toy and have her fetch it.



He is 18 months now, and I can't hardly believe it.


I feel so blessed I got a little boy who is not only healthy, easy going, not a picky eater and a fantastic sleeper (for us moms, that is a big deal...) but I am just so blessed that I will always be "Mama" to Jack Gannon Ledbetter.


Everyone always says he looks like my dad. Which is true. I think it's his eyes.


Jack is named after his Great Grandpa, Jack Ledbetter. I hope he is known for the many godly characteristics that he is still known for today. People want to be like Jack Ledbetter, and I pray my Jack, is like him too.


Gannon is Grant's youngest brother, who was stillborn. We will meet Gannon one day, too.

Arrow
(due, fall 2016)

And the Lord shall be seen over them, and his arrow shall go forth as the lightning: and the Lord God shall blow the trumpet, and shall go with the whirlwinds of the south. Zechariah 9:14


Yep. You read correctly. We are expecting our fourth baby!


As the title of this post says... "I always said I wanted four kids.."

Well, God has blessed Grant and I with just that.



Thank you God for mine and Grant's babies. We love them and cherish them.





All four of them.

Not like my usual posts, but wanted to document and share my favorite blessings.


 





Overcoming Insecurity- my story

 

 

 

Have you ever had that nagging voice in your head telling you that you aren't doing a good enough job?

 

 

 

 

Or how about that rude voice that tells you that you are basically no other word but ugly.

 

 

 

The cutting voice that tells you that you're a horrible mother and these kids will grow up to be uncontrollable teenagers and unlikeable adults.

 

 

 

 

The whisper voice that tells you that no matter how hard you try, you won't win their love over.

Nobody really likes you.

 

 

 

The loud voice that tells you that you really have no place here on earth.

 

 

 

The voice that just keeps talking, tearing you down, day by day, and no matter how much you read, "pray", go to church and get help from your closest friends... it just won't go away.

 

 

 

 

These voices all have a root spirit. They all have the same goal.

 

 

To cause insecurity.

 

 

 

 

Insecurity.

 

 

It's a noun.

 

 

And it means uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; and lack of confidence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Self-doubt is something everyone at some point has felt.

 

 

Remember Moses?

 

 

God had a job for him to do. And what did Moses say? He said he couldn't talk good enough. I don't know if he had an actual speech impediment or maybe he knew himself well enough to know that he would speak slow in front of others because of nerves, but either way, he had self-doubt. He felt insecure.

 

 

 

How often does God tell us to do something and we doubt the very thing God said all because we lack confidence in ourselves?

 

 

 

I recently broke free of the chains of insecurity. I allowed it to cause me anxiety about myself, just as the definition says. I allowed it to become a part of who I was, and I honestly didn't realize that it had become a part of Hannah. Getting married didn't solve my insecurity issues. Having children didn't solve them. Having godly friends and a few who I can call my best friends in the world didn't solve them. Being able to pay my bills didn't solve them. Having a car that runs didn't. Getting my hair done every few months didn't.

 

 

Did you know that getting saved didn't even solve my insecurity problems?

 

 

I look back and although I became a brand new person, I still aloud the devil and myself to tell myself I wasn't good enough.

 

 

I dealt with feeling like I wasn't a good enough wife and mom. A good enough Christian, even. I dealt with feeling like I was failing at the two most important roles God gave me. Wife. Mom. And I was failing, in my mind at least.

 

 

Not long ago, I was teary eyed on my couch late in the evening and my little four year old came walking through the living room and saw me. I didn't know she was up. I thought she was in bed. I was having a little pity party. I tried to dry my tears but she knew something was wrong, and she asked. I really didn't know what to say, so I was just honest. I told her that the devil was making me feel like I wasn't a good mom and wife. She said, "Mom, what are you going to do about it? I will tell you the truth of what you need to do, you need to go to the alter and pray about it!" I couldn't help it and I bust out laughing because I first off thought it was so cute and second off thought it was so amazing that a four year old gave me the best advice than anyone could have given me. So, we walked over to our little alter across the room and we both prayed. She prayed heaven down. I realized in that moment that I have done a lot right. That I was not failing as a mom.

 

 

 

 

 

I have dealt in the past with not feeling pretty enough. My goodness, the world we live in. It makes it tough for a girl to not feel like she is less than perfect when every where you look there are flawless selfies on social media, super models at the grocery store on the magazines in the check out line, and beautiful people on television, especially commercials.

 

 

 

It didn't ever matter that Grant told me that he thought I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and he wouldn't change anything about me... I still looked in the mirror and saw only flaws. For years I did this. It stole away my true smile. My joy. It was truly the devil having a hay day because I wasn't confident in my own skin anymore, which is something Grant had always loved about me. But, I looked in the mirror and saw just what the devil wanted me to see. Someone not all that attractive at all.

 

 

 

God showed me that I am truly fearfully and wonderfully made. Have you ever wandered what that even means? To be fearfully made? Well, without looking it up in a Bible or on Google, I will give what first comes to my mind. God knew I would feel insecure one day about my flaws. Well, to me they were flaws, but to Him they were beautiful characteristics of my appearance. But, when He designed me and aloud me to grow into the woman I am today, He wanted to make sure that I was unique and in His image. Fearfully and wonderfully He made someone in His very image. Hannah Jo Gaston, who became Ledbetter.

 

 

 

 

I dealt in the past with feelings of insecurity in friendships. This was the worst part of insecurity, because it was so draining. I felt I needed to do for people constantly to make them know I loved them, and for them to love me. I aloud myself to believe that if I was a people pleaser, nobody would not like me. Well, God has clearly shown me that true friends are those who will love me even if I have nothing to offer. Even if I didn't send a birthday card or if I couldn't text them back for a day or two. That a real friend will like even the flaws in my personality and appreciate that I am striving to be more like Jesus. They will want to help me, not hinder me.

 

 

He showed me mostly that real friends will genuinely be happy for me when I am happy and sad when I am sad.

 

 

 

 

 

Have you felt insecurity? It can lead to worse things. Anxiety. Depression. Suicide. Divorce. Abuse. I imagine it can lead to just about anything horrible.

 

 

 

Let me tell you, men and women of God in the Bible had to learn to overcome insecurity and just as I got a grip on it, I believe 110% that you can and will too.

 

 

It isn't a book you can read, although I'm a huge reader. It isn't a 10 step program. It isn't a new friendship or visiting a counselor weekly. I believe the answer is in Jesus Christ, solely. I don't know your exact situation in life, I don't know the extent of how insecure you feel. My insecurity level wasn't so bad that I couldn't function or live life, but it simply robbed me of my joy. That is the level it was at. And after time, I had to decide for myself that enough was enough.

 

 

 

Isaiah 54:17 says...

 

No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper...

 

 

I love that because it doesn't say that there won't be any weapons formed against us...

 

insecurity was just a weapon formed against me.

 

 

But it did NOT prosper.

 

 

WHY?

 

 

The end of that verse explains that "This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord.."

 

 

AMEN!!!!

 

Amen. Wow.. I just LOVE that so much. Because I am God's girl, I am His creation, made in His image, because I serve Him with all my heart and soul, that is just a blessing that comes freely to me! That those weapons can't and WON'T prosper.

 

 

 

Whatever you're dealing with, perhaps it is insecurity, and perhaps it isn't, let's say it's the opposite, it's pride. You think you are prettier than everyone, you dress better, you have a nicer home and nicer things in it and you dress your kid way better than they ever could.

 

 

Or gossip? Or jealousy? Or lust? Or unforgiveness?

 

 

What is the weapon formed against you right now?

 

 

Are you even in tune with God enough to recognize it?

 

 

Snap out of it and realize that Satan wants to destroy every ounce of you. He is way worse than any horror movie you watched as a teenager and much more evil than anything you've seen on the news. He wants to literally steal, kill and destroy you from the inside out.

 

 

 

Jesus Christ won your battles already on the Cross.

 

Satan is pretty upset about that, to say the very least.

 

 

It's time for you to stand up, square your shoulders, get a good stance and tense up your muscles a little bit and go to war. It all starts on your knees. You talk to God and He will talk to you. You can trust Jesus, He's your strength in your weakest hour.

 

 

 

YOU WILL OVERCOME.

 

 

 

Thank you for allowing me to share a testimony. All praise and glory goes to Him.

 

 

 

 



10 years later... March 15th, 2006

Many days I look forward to.

My husbands and my anniversary... December 29th, 2007... which will be 9 years this year! Insane.

Our daughter's birthday. October 10th. Raylea Jo. She is the smartest, sweetest, most gorgeous child I know. I am so blessed to be her mama.

Our son's birthday. October 13th. Jack Gannon. He was a true miracle baby. I've never seen a sweeter smile and brighter eyes.

I even look forward to the day our sweet little August Shalom, who was the size of a sweet pea in my belly, went to Heaven. December 15th.

Grant's birthday. January 4th.

Mine. November 17th.

Mother's Day. Father's Day. Easter. Christmas. Thanksgiving.

I'm sure you have a long list of important dates that you look forward to and enjoy celebrating the occasion of. What's your most favorite? I would like to share mine with you today, if you would take just a minute, you'll learn about my favorite day in the history of my life.

Wednesday. March 15th, 2006.

I've shared my testimony a few times here on my blog, many times to individuals and several times in front of a crowd at church. Some people don't and won't go to church is the main reason I feel so compelled to share my story online. I have nothing to brag about. I still have many flaws. I still am learning. I am still asking God every day to change me. I want to be more like him, therefore I need changed. And so do you. Only a prideful person won't admit that. And trust me, I have been in that place before.

When I woke up on that Wednesday morning, I had no idea what that evening would hold. That was the last day I would ever wake up without peace in my heart. That was the last day I would ever go to school and care what other's thought of me. That was the last day I would wake up and be unhappy.

I had been going to a new church with my parents and younger brother for about 5 months. Two months prior I had felt conviction for the first time on a Sunday morning after my Pastor Zane's message. Him, my dad, and the assistant pastor at that time, Joplin, came to me and asked if I would like to pray. I suppose I said yes because seconds later I was knelt at the front of the church in front of the pulpit, crying. I didn't know what to say or pray. I just cried. I will never forget the words my Pastor said to me.

With tears streaming down his own face, he looked me in the eyes and said, "Hannah, you don't have to say anything. God knows what your tears mean."

I have always remembered those words, to this day. God knew my heart. I did not accept Christ as my personal Savior that day, but I did start to have a more tender heart.

I was 17 and was starting to make bad choices. I was running around with the crowd who said and did what they wanted, talked how they wanted, and had no clue about eternity and it's significance.

I was buddies with the nerds, I was buddies with the jocks. I was buddies with the cheerleaders, I was buddies with the staff, lunch ladies included. I took time to know people. To call people. To make them a card and gift for their birthday. I had what most would consider a "good heart," but a good heart isn't enough to have peace. It isn't enough for salvation to take place. I always felt a void in my life, no matter how much I tried to please others around me.

That night I went to youth. I sat a couple rows back. A man was going to be sharing his testimony with us for the first time. He was a good story teller, like my dad. His story was similar to my dad's as well. He had my attention. He gave an alter call and an invitation to pray with anyone. The singers finished their songs. I don't remember seeing anyone go down to pray. I was a bit relieved it was almost over. Then, he spoke up, "singers, play one more song, I feel like there is someone in here who needs to come down and pray."


I will never forget when he said that, I knew who that someone was! I walked down to that little alter, and wasn't sure what to do, but I knew I was in the right place, with the right people who cared.


One of the singers left the stage and came down with me. The man who gave his testimony, his soon to be wife, met me as well. Along with about 50 other youth.


She asked me what I wanted to pray about and I explained I needed to get my heart and life right with God. I needed to confess my sins to Him and ask Him for forgiveness. I needed to ask Him to be the Lord of my life.


Anna led me in a prayer of repentance. I am forever grateful for her because I had no idea what to say or do, without her guidance I would have sat that there confused. So, thank you again and again Anna, for being used by the Lord to lead me in the most important prayer I ever will pray.


I felt such a peace overwhelm me. I felt such love when I looked up and saw all the happy faces of teens around me. After service, Anna explained to me the importance of being baptized, developing a strong prayer life and setting time aside each day to read my Bible. She explained I needed to do all of these things to be a power Christian and to grow. She also told me I needed to tell my friends what happened to me.


I did what she said and went home and prayed and asked God what I should read. As I sat on my bed, I opened up my Bible and started reading in John 15. It spoke directly to me. I soon after that painted my whole room a beautiful purple and took silver markers and wrote the scripture above my bed. I ended up covering the walls with verses and lyrics.


The next day I sat at a table with about 5 other people. I told them what happened the night before and they all looked at me like I was a little bit crazy. My best friend at that time said, "this is just a phase you're going through." I knew deep down, she was concerned.


Well, ten years later, today, I can attest to you this, this is not a phase. A phase is something that eventually comes to an end.



When I accepted Christ I found joy. Peace. A Best Friend.


No matter what I have done, big or small, He forgave me! That actually took me several years to wrap my mind around. How could a sinless, holy God, the Creator of everything, forgive me for all the wrongs I have done. Every lie. Every thought. Every action. How?


Condemnation is something the devil used on me for a long time. I had to come to a place where I realized that to be saved, I had to be lost. To be fixed, I had to be broken at some point. To be redeemed, I had to be a mess.


I thank God for the time in my life that I was lost, broken and a mess, for He was able to lift me up, out of the dark hole I was in and set my feet on a solid foundation.

Ten years later, I can say I have went through a lot. I have had pain. I have had heart ache. I have felt betrayed. I have felt used. I have felt alone. I have felt worthless.



But, sin, Satan or myself caused all that. I can't, won't and don't blame God for anything bad in my life. If you blame God, you are once again being too prideful to see your own faults and the devils tactics. People ask all the time, "why do bad things happen to good people?"


Simple answer is this, if life was perfect and flawless, we wouldn't need God. I know I wouldn't. If everything was a bed of roses. If every time we got our bills in the mail, I had $10,000 in the bank, I wouldn't have a need to depend on God ever to supply our every need. If my children never were sick, I wouldn't need to depend upon God to touch them. If my marriage never had any issues, I wouldn't need God to show me what true love looks like. If I had zero problems in life, ever, why would I need a Savior?


He came to save! Not to condemn! He is also coming back for a people who is spotless and without wrinkle or blemish. No, not a perfect people. But a people who is set apart from the world. Set apart from evil. Evil can look pretty sometimes I have found. Sin can disguise itself better than anything.


Hobbies, social media, technology of all shapes and forms, books, magazines... they can all influence you to sin and you don't even realize it. Hobbies can take up so much time you neglect God and even your own family. Social media can cause discontentment and jealousy. TV, phones, computers, they all have a hundred ways to lead to sin. What you read... again, will influence your thoughts.


I have had to learn that what I see, what I read, what I put my time and effort into, better be glorifying God, or it's a waste and it can be a death sentence to me spiritually. I've lived life for nearly three years now with no cable or social media. And I'm still alive! I have found I make much more time for more important things without those types of things in my face all day. Ask God what you're putting to much emphasis on in your life. And ask Him if it's effecting you positively. If the answer is "no," then get rid of it. Life is too short to waste time and to not be as close to God as you possibly can be.



Again, I am far from perfect. I never claim to have it all together. I don't write a blog because I think I know more that you or your pastor. I write because I want to reach maybe just a few people, Lord willing, who may never step foot in a church.


Whether you're from America, Europe, Asia, or any other place on earth, just know that I take time out of my day every couple weeks to write a post on here, in hopes to encourage the Christian and in hopes to reach the lost.



God has been waiting for you sir or ma'am. Or young person.



I was a lost 17 year old girl, but ten years ago today, I accepted Him into my life and He came into my heart, soul and life! He filled the empty hole in my heart that nobody else ever could. And He wants to do the same for you!



Simply confess your sins to Him. Ask Him to forgive you. Believe on Him! Trust in Him! Talk to God and pour out your heart to Him.

Romans 10:9 says,

That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.



and 13...


For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.



 Don't miss out on the abundant life. And mostly, don't miss out on eternity with your Father!



I could give you the science behind God existence, or the history that bares truth in the Earth and in the Bible, but the best proof of God being real is how I feel Him all over inside of me.



Today is the most special day for me. I pray that if you haven't had the same, you will do so today, and we can share this wonderful date together! What a blessing that would be!




God bless you all and thank you for taking the time to read what I have to say.



Comparison

 

 

 

Comparison.

 

 

Oh, comparison.

 

 

 

 

It is something that robs us of our joy.

 

 

Do you ever find yourself glancing to the left and right, seeing how much you aren't measuring up to those around you?

 

 

 

 

She's prettier, skinnier and smarter.

 

 

 

 

Or maybe you're the one who's causing others to compare...

 

 

 

 

You have a nicer home, car and clothes.

 

 

 

 

 

Within a few minutes after refreshing the page on your social media, you find yourself feeling inadequate and even the green eyed monster... jealous.

 

 

 

After talking to your friend on the phone and they excitedly tell you that they are expecting their FOURTH child when you've been trying to have ONE with your husband for eight years.

 

 

 

Your best friend gets the promotion at work and now can afford to take his family on a Disney vacation. Something you've only dreamed of doing for your family.

 

 

 

Your friends are getting married, having babies, getting great jobs...

 

 

things you maybe have been praying about.

 

 

 

 

Pride causes comparison. Comparison causes discontentment. Discontentment causes jealousy. Jealousy causes you to do and say mean things. Mean words and actions tear apart friendships and families.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm sure you have "one up" on many people. Yet, you feel like you still need to have more. You need to be more. You need to have more friends. You need to be in the center of attention more. You need other's praise more. You need to be better than her so that you'll just feel good about yourself. You need to have a better house than them so you'll feel you've accomplished something in life. You need to be a better cook than her because that is what defines you as a good wife and mother. You need to have your home perfectly clean or others may call you dirty. You need to lose some weight or people will make fat jokes about you. You need to gain some weight or someone will ask if you have worms. You need a new haircut so you'll stand out from the other girls at school. You need to get better grades in college than him so you can get more awards later on that year. You need to buy your grandkids nicer things than they buy their grandkids so that you'll be the cool grandparent.

 

 

 

 

 

Comparison leads you to discontentment.

 

 

It says in the bible...

 

 

..in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Philippians 4:11

 

 

 

 

 

When Grant and I suffered a loss of a child, whom was still in my belly, I was only a couple months pregnant. But we had wanted another baby for a while at that point.

 

 

I had a handful of friends around me who were pregnant, and I remember for a split second feeling jealous that they got to be pregnant and I didn't. I was not content in that moment...

 

 

 I wanted our little baby back in my belly and NOW.

 

 

But, August Shalom had already made it to heaven as I had these bitter moments here on earth and I had to realize that God allowed me to walk through that trial to realize that no matter my circumstances, I receive my happiness and joy souly through Him.

 

 

 

 

 

Comparison, ladies AND gents... can cause you to look at others and become discontent with what you have. They have a happier marriage and he is always doing special things for her. He works so hard and helps her with the kids. She is always making him his favorite meals and I can't even make toast. He is more funny... she is prettier than my wife...

 

 

Comparison may not sound deadly, but what it can lead to, is extremely dangerous.

 

 

Marriages fall apart every day because it all started with someone comparing and not being content.

 

 

As I have said before in a recent post, about 99% of mine and Grants issues in the past were because of me not putting him first. I put the kids first and then God and then Grant. At the time I thought I was putting God first, but if that was the case, Grant would have slid safely into second place on my priority list.

 

 

It happened for several months after giving birth to each of our two kids. I was busy with the kids and thought Grant was an adult, so he could make it on his own. I stopped caring much about his needs and they became little of importance to me, and then he started to care less about my needs.

 

 

For those of you who have been married for any time at all, you know that you don't have to have a kid thrown in the mix of things to cause stress and issues, but I was amazed at how much our lives changed each time we brought home a pink and a blue bundle of joy. My priorities were mixed up big time for the several months after bringing each child home, but last spring I asked God to truly change who I was. Change my priorities and show me where I was wrong.

 

 

 

And boy, did He show me.

 

 

 

Comparison CAN only be a good thing when you are comparing what you have to what GOD wants and desires you to have.

 

 

Last spring I found a way to compare my life as wife and compare it to a biblical wife. I saw through God's word where I was wrong in many ways.

 

 

 

I want to leave you with something that helped me.

 

 

Comparison can rob you of many things.

 

 

Look around your house. Look in your purse. Look what's hanging on the wall or what's in your hands. Does any of it cause you to compare to others in a negative way?

 

 

Open your Bible and see what God says about being content and about jealousy. Read what He says about being a husband, wife and parent. Read what He says about life and happiness.

 

 

 

The world always will have something bigger and better to offer. You'll always find something new to compare to. That is NOT God's will for your life.

 

 

Simplify your life and saturate yourself in doing things His way, not yours.

 

 

 

You'll only find happiness when you step far away from comparison.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



What makes a true friend, "true?"

 

 

 

We have all said it or heard it.

 

 

 

 

"You're my best friend."

 

 

 

 

 

It's good to have a close friend. A best friend. Even if you have five, a few or just one.

 

 

 

It isn't wrong to have close friend.

 

 

 

 

There are many instances in the Bible where someone was lifted up either physically, spiritually or emotionally by a friend.

 

 

 

To me, that is what makes my friends true.

 

 

 

 

 

It's nice to get a compliment on how you're dressed or how your hair is fixed.

 

 

It's nice to get a compliment that you sounded great singing.

 

 

It's nice to hear you did awesome in that ball game.

 

 

It's nice to hear you cook the best chili ever... right, babe?? :)

 

 

It's nice to hear you are a hard worker.

 

 

It's nice to hear you're a good boss.

 

 

It's nice to hear you're a wonderful mother.

 

 

It's nice to hear you're a good friend.

 

 

 

 

 

BUT.

 

 

Friendship goes beyond compliments and kind words sometimes...

 

 

 

 

Everyone feels loved in different ways and everyone shows love in different ways.

 

 

Have you read that book on the five love languages??

 

 

 

I honestly think "food" needs to be one of those, because that is all Grant would ever need to give me to make me feel loved.  Ok, maybe not all, but that really would be my primary language I am sure!

 

 

 

 

 

I love Grant, so after I learned what his love languages were, I try to meet those needs.

 

 

 

 

He has done the same for me. For example, my second top love language is gifts.

 

 

 

So, that means I feel loved when someone gives me something!

 

 

 

The other day, just because, he gave me a necklace that is in the shape of a heart and says "love" in the middle in cursive writing.

 

 

 

One of his top languages is physical touch, so.... I have been making a point to just walk up and give him a big ole kiss on the mouth randomly!

 

He doesn't mind it either!

 

 

We have both been trying to meet each others needs because we love each other!

 

 

 

ANY, and I mean ANY time in our marriage when things were less than perfect... was because we were in a bad cycle of not meeting each others needs.

 

 

Now, you may be reading this and you're marriage is just amazing and you never disagree and your spouse would say you meet every one of their needs on a daily basis... then you can just stop reading this now. Because you won't need any advice from this young married gal.

 

 

 

 

 

We just celebrated 8 years in December.

 I don't know it all and I don't claim to... but I have learned a few things.


 

 

Honestly, the only truly stressed out times I felt in our marriage was after each of our kids were born and I was putting our kids before my marriage.

 

 

 

 

Easy trap to fall into for us moms.

 

 

 

 

The kids need bathed, fed, entertained, diapers changed and loved on! Grant---- he can fend for himself because I'm tired and I deserve to rest!

 

 

 

I saw that I was right and he was wrong.

 

 

End. Of. Story.

 

 

 

 

Well, after a few come to Jesus meetings... with only me and Jesus.... I saw where I was so wrong in so many ways.

 

 

 

Life is just so short ladies, to live life for yourself and expect everything to be handed to you from everyone around you. Stop expecting your husband to be perfect. He wasn't when you married him, so why do you think he should be now as well??

 

 Man, that is advice I wish someone would have given me about four years ago!

 

 

I don't feel comfortable giving actual orders or advice to men, but I will suggest just loving her like Christ loves the Church!

 

Moving on.


 

 

Grant is my BEST friend.

 

 

He has seen the best of me and the worst!

 

 

He has cuddled me in the middle of the night and made me feel like I am all that matters to him!

 

 

He has written me countless letters telling me how much he appreciates all I do for him and the kids.

 

 

He buys, sells and trades better than anyone I know and that is a great way he supplements our income on top of him preaching for his Uncle Garry at his church and traveling when he can to preach out of state. He makes ends meet for us and me and the kids have not once needed for something.

 

 

 

He sits down and plays with our kids.

 

 

He reads the Bible to us and prays for and with us.

 

 

He will even randomly give me a back rub!

 

 

He has always been quick to say he is sorry (and mean it...)

 

 

He has also always been quick to forgive!

 

 

He loves me and he shows it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have learned a lot about my best friend, my spouse, Grant Daniel.

 

 

 

I mostly have learned more about myself through him.

 

 

 

We have helped each other become better people, parents, spouses and mostly, Christians.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Outside of your spouse, or if you're not married, obviously I'm speaking to you as well...

 

 

 

It is good and healthy to have someone you can depend on and know they see eye to eye with you!

 

 

 

A true friend is not going to be jealous of you.

 

 

A true friend will not speak negatively about you behind your back.

 

(That is why I like to just go to the person and explain how I'm feeling! That is best because you'll end up letting your emotions boil over and you'll say things you regret to other people.")

 

 

A true friend isn't going to make fun of you, or make you feel inadequate.

I have been around people like that... and it all comes down to them being insecure and needing to make someone else feel bad about themselves too.

 

 

 

A true friend isn't going to always make the conversation only about them.

A true friend will be trustworthy.


A true friend will laugh with you... not at you!


A true friend will make you look smart in front of others, not stupid.


A true friend will not point out negative things in your life. They will encourage you!


A true friend will write you a letter!


A true friend will take you out for dinner just because.


A true friend will sit with you when you're having a rough day. And just be there.


A true friend will come visit you in the hospital.


A true friend will get on their knees and pray for you until they see that prayer answered.
 

 

A true friend is going to pray for you and with you.

 

 

I have went through a few pretty tough times in my Christian walk.

 

I can remember when someone would come and pray with me.

 

 

When Jack was told by a neurologist this last summer that he may have tumors on his brain and may have cerebral palsy, I was very down. I was very worried.

 

 

My father-in-laws older brother, Garry Ledbetter, drove clear out to my house and came in and prayed over little Jack. That meant so much. I had many people praying, and many called to pray, but it just felt extra special when he drove out here to be with me and pray.

It was at that same time when my friend Kara came out with her husband and her dad and they surprised us with a huge box of food and gifts for our kids. They wanted to make sure we felt loved during that tough time.



 

 

When we wanted Ray to have a sibling, we wanted a baby for about 13 months, got pregnant, then shortly after miscarried.

 

My mother-in-law sat and comforted me that entire day.

 

 

After I had Raylea, our first baby, I was tired. Really, really tired. I had some awesome friends who made me food and that helped me a ton.

My friend Melanie drove around 12 hours, pregnant herself, to come to the hospital to stay all day and each day she would rub my lower back because I have scoliosis and my back was KILLING me.

 

 

Just days after Raylea was born I remember my mom walking in my back door, grabbing a rag and wetting it and wringing it out. She got on her hands and knees and wiped up my floor.

 

She knew I always had my house tidy, but since I was so exhausted, she took it into her own hands. Folded clothes, cooked, held Raylea. She cared more about seeing me then she did Raylea it seemed! She wanted to make sure I was taken care of too, I suppose. And I was.

My sis, Hill, lives far away right now, but she always sends me random goodies in the mail. She just sent me to the coolest North Face coat you've ever seen for my birthday/Christmas. She definitely meets my "love language" needs! :) But, it isn't just big stuff she sends, she sends me little things that mean just as much, if not more because I know she was thinking about me, and had to haul three kids to the Post Office to ship it to me!

That is love right there, people. :)



I gave those few examples because those are examples of what true friends do and those examples popped in my brain.



They SHOW they love you. Not just SAY it.




A true friend wants what is best for you.

They aren't always trying to have one up on you.




A true friend is rare.




My closest and dearest friends are those who love me for me, want what is best for me, cry when I cry and laugh when I laugh.

I am sure your closest friends are that way as well!



Cherish those friends or maybe it's just one friend.



But cherish them.



Show them that you love them. Learn what makes them feel loved and go out of your way and make them feel loved. Sometimes it's just spending time with them, sometimes it's encouraging words, sometimes it's helping them do something, sometimes it's buying them something that shows you were thinking of them and sometimes (if it's your spouse!!!) it's a hug and a kiss!




Life is too short to pick people apart. Too short to be selfish.



So pray and clear your heart and start new right now if you've been wrong in any relationship or friendship you have.