Morgan's Story- A testimony of a heart changed

 

 

 

I am honored to write on my sister-in-law Hannah's blog.
Hannah, you are such an annointed woman of God in everything you do. Thank you for being 100% REAL in your walk with God.

 

 

 

 

I have asked God to show me what to write about. And as I have read scripture, everything I read I think "Wow! I want to write about this." But, of course you can only say and talk about so many things on one blog before people get completely bored and confused and leave the site completely. I will keep this short and simple!

 

 

 

 

As I slipped my head in my daughters bedroom door while she was taking her afternoon nap, I couldn't hardly stand there much longer as my eyes filled with tears and my heart swelled with pride. I felt such a strong warmth of Gods love wrap around me like an oversized furry blanket during a winter snow storm sworming about. 
I immediately went to the altar that I have in my bedroom and knelt. I thanked God for loving me even when I was a stubborn girl who thought time was in my hands. I did what satisfied my flesh and was decided that I would get saved when I was older. (Salvation doesn't work that way)

 

 

 

As I was praying in my room today, my mind went back to the night that I was changed forever; at a Tuesday night youth service. The preacher preached, but the message I can not remember. During the altar call I recognized before God my brokeness that I had been living with for a long time and I was only becoming more broken each day I lived without Christ as my saviour. 
Standing infront of the altar of the church, all I could see in my mind was Jesus Christ standing up looking down at me with his arms opened wide. The most tender look was in His eyes. I knew what He was doing. What He had been doing for a long time; waiting for me to jump in His arms and be rescued from sin and bondage! All I could get out of my mouth in the midst of crying was "Thank you for still loving me. Thank you for still loving me." over and over as I gave my heart completely over to Christ. I had never been so grateful for such merciful love in my life. I was free! Free forever.  I didnt care anymore what people thought. It wasnt worth living alone any longer and it certainly wasnt worth eternal death in hell.

 

 

 

 

If you havent ever heard or maybe have forgotten, Jesus loves YOU!


My dear friend, right now, take a quick trip down memory lane, and I do mean quick. Don't dwell on your past sins longer than just to repent (If you haven't already) and thank God for STILL loving you! No matter what youve done. No matter the people you have hurt or who has hurt you and you have been carrying around unforgiveness.

GOD STILL LOVES YOU.

 

 

 

 

He's standing here with arms open wide waiting to rescue you!

Please don't miss this opportunity to be forgiven. Cleansed. Free forever. 
God can make brand new what Satan has torn down and nearly destroyed.

 

 

 

 

II Corinthians 5:17 
"If any man be in Christ, he is a new creation; old things are passed away behold all things are become new."

 

 

This verse has encouraged me so many times! Old things are passed away!! I and everything in me became new when I surrendered my life to Christ! The old me is gone. Thank you Jesus!

 

 

 

 

My only desire is to worship you, Lord. I pray that when your eyes come across me, you find a heart that is just like yours. In Jesus name!

Ray, a man of Faith

 

 

 

 

But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

1 Corinthians 2:9

 

 

 

Oh, Ray, the things you're seeing right now that God prepared for YOU.

 

 

 

 

Ray Torres went to be with the Lord a few hours ago. I not only was privileged enough to go to church and worship with Ray, but I also got to work with him at my job for two years.

 

 

 

 

 

Ray came down with cancer a few months ago. He is a fighter but for whatever reason it may be, the Lord wanted Ray to come to Heaven to be with him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I worked with Ray, I got to see a man who lived it. I mean, he lived Christ-like on the job, and I worked with him for a whole two years. I watched some customers be short with him, and him keep a smile on his face and never lose his cool. I never saw him get angry. Only kindness came out of Ray. Not too many people can I recall that being the case.

 

 

 

 

When I was pregnant with Raylea, I had horrible morning sickness, (which lasted all day.) I was having to leave work once and he stopped me before I left and asked if he could pray for me. It was a large business we worked at, and there were people standing all around. He didn't care one ounce. He asked a few people that he knew were Christians as well to join him. It meant so much to me that a man cared about me just being upset at my stomach!

 

 

 

Another time at work, it was closing hour and since he was the manager he had to wait until I had everything put up. A horrible storm rolled in and we got stuck there! I have never owned a "fancy" car, but I have always cared for and taken much pride in whatever vehicle I was driving! I had a little Honda car that had liability insurance on it and baseball size hail was pounding everywhere outside. Ray's vehicle, along with all the other company cars were able to fit into the garage, but mine was left outside in the middle of the parking lot. I was so upset because I knew my car would be ruined and probably windows smashed. Street signs were even flying in the air! Ray said real calm, yet boldly, "Well, let's just pray and ask God to protect it." I am sure my eyes got big as I looked at him in shock. I definitely wasn't having faith in that moment as I watched my car being pounded, and at that point we had to get away from the windows because we were worried it may break. So, Ray prayed. I can't remember if I prayed or not, but I knew regardless of what I prayed, my car would be totaled!

 

 

The storm eventually passed and we walked outside. I stood in shock as me and Ray walked around my car looking for just a SINGLE dent. A single mark! NOTHING! Houses all over South Wichita had to have their siding and roofs completely replaced because damage was so bad. It was Ray's prayer of faith that saved my car that day!

 

He wasn't amazed at all and just kept laughing at me because I was in SO much shock! That situation increased my faith!

 

 

 

Ray has always been very good to mine and Grant's kids. Raylea has called him "Mr.Ray" for as long as she could talk and he always met her before or after service at church to give her a jolly rancher or whatever candy he had brought for her that day. Today when I told her he went to Heaven, she wanted to put on the gold boots he got for her 4th birthday. At Jack's first birthday party, Garrett, my brother in law, had brought his horse down to the barn where the party was held. While Jack was opening his gifts, Ray came in the barn on top of the horse! It was a good laugh we all had!

 

 

 

I could tell many stories of how Ray has been good and kind to me, Grant and my kids. So could anyone else who knew him.

 

 

 

Ray was one of my very good buddies and I miss him so much already.

 

 

 

A few weeks ago when Grant and I got in from a vacation, Ray was doing bad at the hospital, so we went to see him before heading on home. I stood over him and cried and cried. Grant sang to him as we held his hands, "What a day that will be." Ray had the sweetest grin on his face the whole time.

 

 

 

And what a DAY, TODAY IS!

 

 

 

 

 

I hugged him tight and he said, "I love you, Hanny." He always called me that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is Raylea today, right after she put her boots on that Ray got her last October.

 

 

 

 

 

We love you, Ray, you man of FAITH! We will see you SOON!!!!

 

 

 

At my birthday dinner in 2010. I can hear Ray's laugh now!

 

 

 



The New Kitchen Table

This winter will be mine and Grant's nine year anniversary.

Kind of weird to say, or type.

Makes me feel border line old. Not really.

This fall we will be welcoming our third baby to bring home from the hospital and with that, comes the need for one thing.

A bigger kitchen table.

The one we had was a beautiful dark wood, a perfect little square.

Just right for the four of us.

But, with Arrow, we will need to squeeze in another seat, and that just wasn't happening with our sweet, five year old table.

So, I saw at a store my dream table. And when I say that, I'm not kidding.

It was the perfect rectangle shape, just big enough for the five of us, plus a couple more if we have company. It was a farm style table. A vintage/rustic look.

A few weeks ago I was at a doctor check up with Raylea and Grant was home keeping Jack. I came home, walked into the back door and what do I see before my eyes???

THE DREAM TABLE!

I stood in shock and slowly walked towards it. Wandering if this was real life...

I stood and looked at it in amazement and then noticed he even purchased the bench that came with it separately. I hugged him. Stood in shock. And finally a tear made it's way into my eye ball.

I was too shocked to cry I think. I'm pretty emotional too.

So, roughly three weekly later, Grant and I started noticing some stains. I took a hot soapy rag and scrubbed them the best I could. Most of it came out, but you can still see a couple spots if you look hard enough.

I did some research online and found out that when you have an organic untreated wood (which is exactly what this table is,) you have to put either an oil on it, or a paste wax which creates a barrier and seals the cracks, which makes for easy clean up and makes it stain resistant.

So, I got in my mom mobile (Grant calls it the man van, but since it's mine, I refer to her as the mom mobile...) and took myself to Lowes this morning. The people who worked there didn't even know they had a product called paste wax, but they found it on their inventory and told me which isle it would be on. $10 later, I walked out of there, holding the can of exactly what will protect my beloved table.

So, you may wander why on earth I felt the need to share such a random story with you...

well, I'm glad you wandered!

Although it was pretty painless for Grant to go get that table for me and set it up, I thought to myself today, that that kitchen table is a lot like salvation.

Salvation is given to us. So was that table, given to me, as a gift.

After Grant gave me that table, it was up to me what center piece I wanted to put on it, if I wanted a table cloth, table runner, place mats, or leave it plain, which is what I did.

But, since I never created a barrier on my table to protect it from getting dirty and stained, that is just what happened!

I read the directions on how to use the paste wax. It looks like I will have to use some elbow grease to get it done, but I am determined to keep my table clean and unspotted the very best I can, because I am so thankful for it!

A simple thought, but are you doing what you can to keep your "kitchen table" clean? Or are stains and crumbs building up to where you can't see how beautiful it originally was.

It takes work, effort and heart for God to keep a "table" (your Christian example, your heart, your life...) clean and unspotted.

Just like it was up to me what I chose to do with my table once I received it, it's the same for you and what you choose to do with God and the gift He freely gave to you.

If you come to my house and see my table clean, you'll surely get the impression that I work to keep it that way and I do so because I care for it.

I know my table is a measly example of God's forgiveness for my sins, but it's a little visual hopefully you'll ponder on today.

Now, go wipe down your table!

 ray and jack eating breakfast together



What's on my mind...

Today, I have too much to say.

 

 

 

 

Or, type.

 

 

 

 

It'll be hard to title this post because it's going to be just what's on my mind...

 

 

 

 

I want to always be transparent.

 

 

 

 

 

I never want someone to look at me and think just because I married a "Ledbetter" and he is preacher, that makes me untouchable, perfect and un-human.

 

 

 

I don't say things on my blog to boast of what I know and what you don't know about spiritual things, because, trust me, I am still learning and I will learn until the day I leave this Earth.

 

 

 

 

One of my biggest pet-peeves is having a conversation with someone who knows everything about everything and already knows everything you have to say.

 

 

 

 

I tend to keep the conversation about the weather with those kinds of people...

 

 

 

 

I wanted to say all that before I started to speak my heart on what God is doing in my life.

 

So you'll know I'm just being me, Hannah, nobody extra special.

 

I know that.

 

 

 

_____________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

I have aloud God to speak to my heart more in the past several weeks, than I have any other time in the decade I have been a Christian.

 

 

 

 

He has shown me that I was made in His image.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have realized by making a set time each day to read my Bible, that God's Word really is food for my soul. Being a mom has been a little bit of an excuse I have used in the past to make myself feel better for going a few days without unzipping the cover to my Bible. I'm speaking for myself here, what I have done and what I have felt recently needed to change for me to grow spiritually.

 

 

 

 

I've started in Genesis and I have taken my time not just through each chapter, but each verse. Thinking about what it means, how can I apply it today and just how amazing God is.

 

 

 

 

I have never read it front to back, straight through, so I'm excited about this journey. I'm not trying to do it in a year, just taking my time to learn each story.

 

 

 

 

 

I have realized being a people pleaser will just wear me out. I've done it most of my life, but I've learned that just stepping back, and being a good friend and being sensitive to God's voice when He urges me to do something more, is exactly what I'm supposed to do. Not worry if I'm doing enough all the time...

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have learned that I am to "take the good and leave the bad" in every relationship I have. I can't change people. Whether it's Grant, whether isn't my mom, my father in law, my sister, my friend, or a complete stranger, I can't change anyone to fit into a mold I think they need to fit into. Only God can.

 

God changed me and each day is changing me... no person is changing me. He gives us a will to sin, a will to serve... I get to choose. You get to choose. Every moment we get to choose between sinning against the Lord, the One in which made us, or we can choose to serve Him, and honor Him.

 

 

 

 

I believe when you have a tender heart you'll say sorry. And mean it. If I slapped you across the head and said sorry and two minutes later did it again, I not only have zero self control, but I care little about your feelings. I feel it's the same way with willful sin. You can't keep saying you're sorry to God after you look at pornography and then turn your computer or phone on and go to those sites again a day or two later and say you just are fighting something. Well, use the brain God gave you, and FIGHT the devil. Throw your phone in the trash. Sell your computer. It's not worth the damage it will cause. That goes with drinking too. I understand some people try so hard to stop drinking, stop smoking, doing drugs, cussing, lying, gossiping, listening to ungodly music and watching ungodly television. But, my answer is the same for all of these willful, continual sins, GIVE IT TO GOD. Each day, and each day, it'll get easier and become more sick to you to sin against the One who died to give you life. I believe in repentance and I believe in turning from sin. NO, I'm not perfect. But, if I have sin in my life, it hurts my heart, I repent and I change my attitude to line up with the Lord's on the subject. Big, small and in between, God wants you to just line up your thoughts with His. It truly isn't that hard. You must take action though. Yes, ask for prayer, yes, go to church, yes read your Bible, but also, get rid of those friends who bring you down, get rid of your TV if you can't control watching junk on it. Get rid of your phone if all you do is look at ungodly filth on it. Get rid of your clothes that do nothing but make men lust after you. USE COMMON SENSE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have realized that Grant isn't going to be the perfect man. Who am I to think he should be? Who am I to think he should always be the one to say sorry first or take out the trash without me asking? Who am I to think he was made to be my help meet?

 

 

 

 

I have learned that Grant is Grant and I am Hannah, and together, we are Grant and Hannah. Exactly what God wanted. Two separate people, joining together to compliment each others strengths and weaknesses.

 

 

 

 

 

I have realized Grant has a more special call on his life than what I ever thought or dreamt of before. Some of it has unfolded, but I believe only about a quarter of it has come to surface. The best is yet to come for Grant and I. We are team. I am to put him above our children, parents, friends and other interest, and he is to do the same. That's scripture, not me talking.

 

 

 

 

I have realized I am made to please God. I am made to be a servant for Him and to help add to His Kingdom. Not tear it down. Not be a bad witness. I'm to share the GOOD NEWS with everyone, not just a person or two a month.

 

 

 

 

 

Let God speak to you. Open His Word. It'll come to life if you just start reading. Start in Genesis and just keep reading a chapter or two a day. Pray. LOVE. Don't be judgmental. God's the judge, not you. Keep a sweet attitude and don't be around people who bring you down and make you feel bad.

 

 

 

 

 

Mostly, SEEK HIM WHILE HE MAY BE FOUND...



What do you get out of your friendships?

 

 

What do you get out of your friendships?

Exactly what you put into them, so don't acted surprised later.

 

 

 

I truly have enjoyed keeping my blog. I like to think that if one day I'm dead and gone from this earth, that there will still be a hand full of people who occasionally stumble across my web page.

 

 

I keep several journals. A few personal ones and one for each of my children. If I need to express myself to someone, I best do it through a card or letter. Just ask Grant. ;) Even though some conversations are meant to be only face to face or on the phone, sometimes I prefer texting if that's appropriate because I feel I just make the most sense when I am able to write, reread and proofread whatever it was that came out of my head.

 

 

Grants cousin, Tessa, said the other day she has so many cards from me. I hope she keeps those for a long time. She helped me grow spiritually more than just about anyone else did the first year I was saved. Most convictions I have today I formed because I was under her influence for about a year and a half.

 

 

I like to write Jason and Anna, the man who gave his testimony and the woman who prayed with me the night I was saved, a letter to tell them how much I appreciate them each year around the time I was saved. That's been ten years ago. They will keep getting a card until I can't physically walk to the mail box anymore. Jason called about a month ago and said that the letter I sent him would go in his memory box.

 

 

My mom said when she went to visit my older brother a little over a year ago, that he had this chicken wire thing in his house that had things hung on it that me and Raylea had sent him.

 

 

When my Grandpa Stegeman passed away, almost 9 years ago, my sister said as she was going through things with our Granny, and that she came across several cards that I had sent him. He died from cancer.

 

 

My sister in law Morgan sent me a text picture a while back of a card I had sent her shortly after I met her. We were friends before we were sister in laws, which is pretty cool.

 

 

My friend Crosby told me a while back that she found a bunch of cards I sent to her, I think while she was in college.

 

 

 

 

What's the trend here?

 

 

People keep letters.

 

People keep kind words.

 

 

 

Why?

 

 

Because first off, people have to go out of there way to find a card, take about five minutes to neatly write a message that takes thought and time, find an envelope that fits the card, find the address, find a stamp, (or the correct change like I do) and walk or drive it to your mail box.

 

 

 

 

I rarely get cards. But when I do, trust me, I save them! That is why I, since I was a kid, I have enjoyed sending people mail. I remember when Grant and I first were married, and a lady named Linda Rhodes said to me "I know the boys like to hunt, Danny likes music, Rhonda loves to shop.. what is your hobby though?"

 

I will never forget that because not many people care what another persons hobby is.

 

 

I told her I loved to read and write. I loved sending cards to people.

 

 

That week she came to me with a gift. I opened it up and to this day, I have never been given a more thoughtful present. She gave me the book called "Rachel's Tears" and 100 cards and 100 stamps.

 

Linda has went on to be with the Lord, but I wish so badly I could sit down and write her and tell her again how that still means so much to me. And always will.

 

 

 

I guess I wanted to just remind you that sometimes a card makes a persons day.

 

 

I consider it a ministry. I believe God uses my words to encourage people, and there isn't anything more I would want to do. No, I'm not on stage or have a public platform for everyone to see, but when I have a person laid on my heart to write, and I am able to send them a card and pray over it, I have a such a peace in knowing I did exactly what I am called to do.


Write.

I like write, call and check in with people as often as possible because I am true believer in the first statement I wrote today. You will truly get out of a friendship what you are willing to put into it. Now, I'm not going to lie, there are multiple people in my life who I write, call and give my love to, and I rarely get back. That isn't the point in me being friends with them, or befriending them. Some of them are in my family. Some are in Grant's. Some are people I have no relationship to, but I have felt led to show them love, because they just might not know how to show it back.


If you have friends, show them you love them. I think what the saddest thing about our modern day society is, besides the fact that as a whole we are becoming less like Jesus Christ, is the fact that nothing is personable and private and takes much thought anymore.



It's your mom's birthday? Just shoot her a message on Facebook.



It's Mother's Day? Send her a text, or a call, if you really feel loving...



It's your spouses birthday? Post a picture of them on your social media and proclaim to the world how much you love them, and then forget to tell them to their face later...



Your best bud is going through a hard time? Or maybe a super happy time?
Again, a Facebook message or text should be a good enough Band-Aid or congrats, right?



 

 What happened to cards? Home cooked meals? Having friends over for a cookout? Sending someone flowers? Taking someone their favorite Sonic drink? Writing a note to just tell them how much they mean.


It doesn't take a million bucks to be a friend. It doesn't even take buying them something. But it does take you investing SOMETHING into them. Time, prayer, love, a helping hand and yes, money if you want to buy them something.




Don't be surprised if one day you look around and you have few, or any friends at all, if you never take time to invest in them. People need love. People need to know they are appreciated. People need affirmation!



Our society is so self centered, we think about how we can improve everything in our lives, get a better hairstyle then her, have you kids nicer things then anyone their age, have a higher college degree so you can brag about, get, get, and get.. for yourself!




Why don't we practice GIVING, instead of GETTING?


 

 

Why don't you consider taking time to write someone today? I like to think about people who probably don't always get mail. Sure, you can write your mom or best friend, they need encouragement too! But, consider writing someone who doesn't have much family or many friends. Or who's just going through a tough time.

 

 

I promise you'll make someone's day if you'll take some time and write them.

 

 

 

 

Happy Writing. :)

 

 

 

 

 



I always said I wanted four kids..

 

 

 

 

 

Raylea Jo
10-10-2011

 

 

Too many words come to my mind when I think of Ray, but the top phrase would have to be, tender hearted. Our first little baby, who first called me Mama. She went through a funny stage when she was around 2, where she would randomly tell me, "Bless you, Hannah." For whatever reason, it was hilarious to all who heard her.

 

 

She wants to pray for people who honestly don't come to my mind all that often. It's like that is God's way of reminding me of how much I'm forgetting.

 

She's always been a big cuddler. She was a week old when I started her sleeping on my pillow. Hey, when a kid is screaming for hours at night and the only way you or they will get any sleep is by them sleeping basically on top of you, so be it. That's all I'm sayin. But, to this day, she ends up in our bed at some point in the night. One day she will be 15 and I will wish I could go back to these days, so honestly, I just savor them.

 

 

Ray loves to play outside. She brings me dandelions by the handful. She is an outdoor girl, that is for sure. She loves to garden with her Mimi. We are going to make our own little garden in our back yard this year. We have a few little plants waiting to grow to be transplanted right now.

 

She loves singing. She will sing songs that she knows or she will make them up.


She has always loved staying the night with her grandparents or aunts/uncles. Whoever will ask to have her over, she is ready to go!


She has a big imagination. She wants to tell stories or be told a story. She loves school, which is in our home. She loves butterflies, Dixie Stampede, and anything that has to do with cooking or baking.

She has always loved reading, and she can actually sound some words out already, without me working on that with her yet. She's a fast learner.


She always wants a story and to watch a "Bible Adventure" before heading to sleep.


She will be five this fall. Doesn't seem right.

Raylea is named after four people... Ray is her Papa's middle name, Lea is her Nana's middle name, Jo is her Mimi's and my middle name. Danny Ray. Rhonda Lea. Laurie Jo. Hannah Jo. That equals... Raylea Jo.



I just had to take a break from writing because Raylea asked for some applesauce. As I was pouring it into a bowl, I asked her to get a spoon. She said, "we are a great team, I love you."


That pretty much sums up me and Raylea.


Always and forever, baby girl we will be a great team and we will love each other.

August Shalom
12-15-2013

I have spoke of August many times. We prayed for another baby after Ray. God blessed us with August. Even though we never got to see that baby, kiss their cheeks and buy them a sweet little outfit to come home from the hospital in, their heart still beat for some time on earth and they are now in Heaven. God gave me the most beautiful dream two nights after I said goodbye to that little baby in my belly.

August was the month I was due.

Shalom means peace.


No more than a day goes by that I don't think of that baby.


We will see you soon, sweetie.








Jack Gannon
10-13-2014

 

 

Jack had the odds against him when it came to him surviving in my belly. Well, to me, a 50% chance isn't very promising. He came a month early but still somehow weighed 6 pounds and 14 ounces. The first the Dr said was, "he has broad shoulders!" Then he told me that the hemorrhage that they saw on ultrasound (which was the largest our nurse had seen, and she had worked with high risk pregnancies for over ten years,) when he got it out when Jack was born, he told me it was double the size they thought it was! Made the whole fact that Jack was there and ALIVE that much more a miracle. Dr explained to me he had the cord wrapped tightly around his neck and he had to pinch him to get him to cry, but he was fine. Jack ate wonderful right off and slept great from day one. Around 7 and a half months old he started having what looked like little seizures. EEG showed a slowing on the brain. Neurologist said that is caused by stroke or tumors. Made me just about pass out. Not kidding. That rocked my world to say the least. MRI showed NOTHING except a perfectly healthy brain and the morning after the MRI was the last time he EVER had one of those "seizures." Had neurology check up not long ago and he said he's on target for everything.



Jack is a miracle in more ways then one.


At 4 months old he caught RSV, bronchitis and pneumonia. That junk lasted FOR.EV.ER. He seriously had that cough for maybe 16 weeks. Maybe a little longer, but I don't want to stretch it. He did breathing treatments which is a steroid during that time, and finally I could wean him off of that. Dr said he may get asthma from the sickness and if cough continued after four months he would test and treat him for it. Cough went away and he's just fine. No asthma. Thank the Lord.



Jack is happy.


He likes to give me about 72 mini heart attacks every day. For instance, he enjoys standing on the edge of the bed and leaning forward right before he falls off and then catches his balance and falls back onto the bed. He thinks that is funny!



He loves music. Anytime he hears a song, Grant playing guitar, or Raylea singing one of her songs, he goes to town shaking his head and twirling his feet every direction.



He loves balls. Wheels. Dirt. He is your typical boy I suppose. So different from a girl.


He loves "nanas." (Bananas.) He eats one nearly every single day.

Berries of any kind. Bath time. Story time.


He loves nap time and bed time. It is kind of comical. He will reach up to me and lay his head sideways and grin when I ask if he wants to go to bed. He will lay there and go to sleep within a minute or so. So different from a girl I know... his big sister. She has a bit more lengthy routine to get to sleep. But I totally enjoy both.


Jack thinks our dog, Sophie, is hilarious. He loves to throw her toy and have her fetch it.



He is 18 months now, and I can't hardly believe it.


I feel so blessed I got a little boy who is not only healthy, easy going, not a picky eater and a fantastic sleeper (for us moms, that is a big deal...) but I am just so blessed that I will always be "Mama" to Jack Gannon Ledbetter.


Everyone always says he looks like my dad. Which is true. I think it's his eyes.


Jack is named after his Great Grandpa, Jack Ledbetter. I hope he is known for the many godly characteristics that he is still known for today. People want to be like Jack Ledbetter, and I pray my Jack, is like him too.


Gannon is Grant's youngest brother, who was stillborn. We will meet Gannon one day, too.

Arrow
(due, fall 2016)

And the Lord shall be seen over them, and his arrow shall go forth as the lightning: and the Lord God shall blow the trumpet, and shall go with the whirlwinds of the south. Zechariah 9:14


Yep. You read correctly. We are expecting our fourth baby!


As the title of this post says... "I always said I wanted four kids.."

Well, God has blessed Grant and I with just that.



Thank you God for mine and Grant's babies. We love them and cherish them.





All four of them.

Not like my usual posts, but wanted to document and share my favorite blessings.


 





Overcoming Insecurity- my story

 

 

 

Have you ever had that nagging voice in your head telling you that you aren't doing a good enough job?

 

 

 

 

Or how about that rude voice that tells you that you are basically no other word but ugly.

 

 

 

The cutting voice that tells you that you're a horrible mother and these kids will grow up to be uncontrollable teenagers and unlikeable adults.

 

 

 

 

The whisper voice that tells you that no matter how hard you try, you won't win their love over.

Nobody really likes you.

 

 

 

The loud voice that tells you that you really have no place here on earth.

 

 

 

The voice that just keeps talking, tearing you down, day by day, and no matter how much you read, "pray", go to church and get help from your closest friends... it just won't go away.

 

 

 

 

These voices all have a root spirit. They all have the same goal.

 

 

To cause insecurity.

 

 

 

 

Insecurity.

 

 

It's a noun.

 

 

And it means uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; and lack of confidence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Self-doubt is something everyone at some point has felt.

 

 

Remember Moses?

 

 

God had a job for him to do. And what did Moses say? He said he couldn't talk good enough. I don't know if he had an actual speech impediment or maybe he knew himself well enough to know that he would speak slow in front of others because of nerves, but either way, he had self-doubt. He felt insecure.

 

 

 

How often does God tell us to do something and we doubt the very thing God said all because we lack confidence in ourselves?

 

 

 

I recently broke free of the chains of insecurity. I allowed it to cause me anxiety about myself, just as the definition says. I allowed it to become a part of who I was, and I honestly didn't realize that it had become a part of Hannah. Getting married didn't solve my insecurity issues. Having children didn't solve them. Having godly friends and a few who I can call my best friends in the world didn't solve them. Being able to pay my bills didn't solve them. Having a car that runs didn't. Getting my hair done every few months didn't.

 

 

Did you know that getting saved didn't even solve my insecurity problems?

 

 

I look back and although I became a brand new person, I still aloud the devil and myself to tell myself I wasn't good enough.

 

 

I dealt with feeling like I wasn't a good enough wife and mom. A good enough Christian, even. I dealt with feeling like I was failing at the two most important roles God gave me. Wife. Mom. And I was failing, in my mind at least.

 

 

Not long ago, I was teary eyed on my couch late in the evening and my little four year old came walking through the living room and saw me. I didn't know she was up. I thought she was in bed. I was having a little pity party. I tried to dry my tears but she knew something was wrong, and she asked. I really didn't know what to say, so I was just honest. I told her that the devil was making me feel like I wasn't a good mom and wife. She said, "Mom, what are you going to do about it? I will tell you the truth of what you need to do, you need to go to the alter and pray about it!" I couldn't help it and I bust out laughing because I first off thought it was so cute and second off thought it was so amazing that a four year old gave me the best advice than anyone could have given me. So, we walked over to our little alter across the room and we both prayed. She prayed heaven down. I realized in that moment that I have done a lot right. That I was not failing as a mom.

 

 

 

 

 

I have dealt in the past with not feeling pretty enough. My goodness, the world we live in. It makes it tough for a girl to not feel like she is less than perfect when every where you look there are flawless selfies on social media, super models at the grocery store on the magazines in the check out line, and beautiful people on television, especially commercials.

 

 

 

It didn't ever matter that Grant told me that he thought I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and he wouldn't change anything about me... I still looked in the mirror and saw only flaws. For years I did this. It stole away my true smile. My joy. It was truly the devil having a hay day because I wasn't confident in my own skin anymore, which is something Grant had always loved about me. But, I looked in the mirror and saw just what the devil wanted me to see. Someone not all that attractive at all.

 

 

 

God showed me that I am truly fearfully and wonderfully made. Have you ever wandered what that even means? To be fearfully made? Well, without looking it up in a Bible or on Google, I will give what first comes to my mind. God knew I would feel insecure one day about my flaws. Well, to me they were flaws, but to Him they were beautiful characteristics of my appearance. But, when He designed me and aloud me to grow into the woman I am today, He wanted to make sure that I was unique and in His image. Fearfully and wonderfully He made someone in His very image. Hannah Jo Gaston, who became Ledbetter.

 

 

 

 

I dealt in the past with feelings of insecurity in friendships. This was the worst part of insecurity, because it was so draining. I felt I needed to do for people constantly to make them know I loved them, and for them to love me. I aloud myself to believe that if I was a people pleaser, nobody would not like me. Well, God has clearly shown me that true friends are those who will love me even if I have nothing to offer. Even if I didn't send a birthday card or if I couldn't text them back for a day or two. That a real friend will like even the flaws in my personality and appreciate that I am striving to be more like Jesus. They will want to help me, not hinder me.

 

 

He showed me mostly that real friends will genuinely be happy for me when I am happy and sad when I am sad.

 

 

 

 

 

Have you felt insecurity? It can lead to worse things. Anxiety. Depression. Suicide. Divorce. Abuse. I imagine it can lead to just about anything horrible.

 

 

 

Let me tell you, men and women of God in the Bible had to learn to overcome insecurity and just as I got a grip on it, I believe 110% that you can and will too.

 

 

It isn't a book you can read, although I'm a huge reader. It isn't a 10 step program. It isn't a new friendship or visiting a counselor weekly. I believe the answer is in Jesus Christ, solely. I don't know your exact situation in life, I don't know the extent of how insecure you feel. My insecurity level wasn't so bad that I couldn't function or live life, but it simply robbed me of my joy. That is the level it was at. And after time, I had to decide for myself that enough was enough.

 

 

 

Isaiah 54:17 says...

 

No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper...

 

 

I love that because it doesn't say that there won't be any weapons formed against us...

 

insecurity was just a weapon formed against me.

 

 

But it did NOT prosper.

 

 

WHY?

 

 

The end of that verse explains that "This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord.."

 

 

AMEN!!!!

 

Amen. Wow.. I just LOVE that so much. Because I am God's girl, I am His creation, made in His image, because I serve Him with all my heart and soul, that is just a blessing that comes freely to me! That those weapons can't and WON'T prosper.

 

 

 

Whatever you're dealing with, perhaps it is insecurity, and perhaps it isn't, let's say it's the opposite, it's pride. You think you are prettier than everyone, you dress better, you have a nicer home and nicer things in it and you dress your kid way better than they ever could.

 

 

Or gossip? Or jealousy? Or lust? Or unforgiveness?

 

 

What is the weapon formed against you right now?

 

 

Are you even in tune with God enough to recognize it?

 

 

Snap out of it and realize that Satan wants to destroy every ounce of you. He is way worse than any horror movie you watched as a teenager and much more evil than anything you've seen on the news. He wants to literally steal, kill and destroy you from the inside out.

 

 

 

Jesus Christ won your battles already on the Cross.

 

Satan is pretty upset about that, to say the very least.

 

 

It's time for you to stand up, square your shoulders, get a good stance and tense up your muscles a little bit and go to war. It all starts on your knees. You talk to God and He will talk to you. You can trust Jesus, He's your strength in your weakest hour.

 

 

 

YOU WILL OVERCOME.

 

 

 

Thank you for allowing me to share a testimony. All praise and glory goes to Him.