10 years later... March 15th, 2006

Many days I look forward to.

My husbands and my anniversary... December 29th, 2007... which will be 9 years this year! Insane.

Our daughter's birthday. October 10th. Raylea Jo. She is the smartest, sweetest, most gorgeous child I know. I am so blessed to be her mama.

Our son's birthday. October 13th. Jack Gannon. He was a true miracle baby. I've never seen a sweeter smile and brighter eyes.

I even look forward to the day our sweet little August Shalom, who was the size of a sweet pea in my belly, went to Heaven. December 15th.

Grant's birthday. January 4th.

Mine. November 17th.

Mother's Day. Father's Day. Easter. Christmas. Thanksgiving.

I'm sure you have a long list of important dates that you look forward to and enjoy celebrating the occasion of. What's your most favorite? I would like to share mine with you today, if you would take just a minute, you'll learn about my favorite day in the history of my life.

Wednesday. March 15th, 2006.

I've shared my testimony a few times here on my blog, many times to individuals and several times in front of a crowd at church. Some people don't and won't go to church is the main reason I feel so compelled to share my story online. I have nothing to brag about. I still have many flaws. I still am learning. I am still asking God every day to change me. I want to be more like him, therefore I need changed. And so do you. Only a prideful person won't admit that. And trust me, I have been in that place before.

When I woke up on that Wednesday morning, I had no idea what that evening would hold. That was the last day I would ever wake up without peace in my heart. That was the last day I would ever go to school and care what other's thought of me. That was the last day I would wake up and be unhappy.

I had been going to a new church with my parents and younger brother for about 5 months. Two months prior I had felt conviction for the first time on a Sunday morning after my Pastor Zane's message. Him, my dad, and the assistant pastor at that time, Joplin, came to me and asked if I would like to pray. I suppose I said yes because seconds later I was knelt at the front of the church in front of the pulpit, crying. I didn't know what to say or pray. I just cried. I will never forget the words my Pastor said to me.

With tears streaming down his own face, he looked me in the eyes and said, "Hannah, you don't have to say anything. God knows what your tears mean."

I have always remembered those words, to this day. God knew my heart. I did not accept Christ as my personal Savior that day, but I did start to have a more tender heart.

I was 17 and was starting to make bad choices. I was running around with the crowd who said and did what they wanted, talked how they wanted, and had no clue about eternity and it's significance.

I was buddies with the nerds, I was buddies with the jocks. I was buddies with the cheerleaders, I was buddies with the staff, lunch ladies included. I took time to know people. To call people. To make them a card and gift for their birthday. I had what most would consider a "good heart," but a good heart isn't enough to have peace. It isn't enough for salvation to take place. I always felt a void in my life, no matter how much I tried to please others around me.

That night I went to youth. I sat a couple rows back. A man was going to be sharing his testimony with us for the first time. He was a good story teller, like my dad. His story was similar to my dad's as well. He had my attention. He gave an alter call and an invitation to pray with anyone. The singers finished their songs. I don't remember seeing anyone go down to pray. I was a bit relieved it was almost over. Then, he spoke up, "singers, play one more song, I feel like there is someone in here who needs to come down and pray."


I will never forget when he said that, I knew who that someone was! I walked down to that little alter, and wasn't sure what to do, but I knew I was in the right place, with the right people who cared.


One of the singers left the stage and came down with me. The man who gave his testimony, his soon to be wife, met me as well. Along with about 50 other youth.


She asked me what I wanted to pray about and I explained I needed to get my heart and life right with God. I needed to confess my sins to Him and ask Him for forgiveness. I needed to ask Him to be the Lord of my life.


Anna led me in a prayer of repentance. I am forever grateful for her because I had no idea what to say or do, without her guidance I would have sat that there confused. So, thank you again and again Anna, for being used by the Lord to lead me in the most important prayer I ever will pray.


I felt such a peace overwhelm me. I felt such love when I looked up and saw all the happy faces of teens around me. After service, Anna explained to me the importance of being baptized, developing a strong prayer life and setting time aside each day to read my Bible. She explained I needed to do all of these things to be a power Christian and to grow. She also told me I needed to tell my friends what happened to me.


I did what she said and went home and prayed and asked God what I should read. As I sat on my bed, I opened up my Bible and started reading in John 15. It spoke directly to me. I soon after that painted my whole room a beautiful purple and took silver markers and wrote the scripture above my bed. I ended up covering the walls with verses and lyrics.


The next day I sat at a table with about 5 other people. I told them what happened the night before and they all looked at me like I was a little bit crazy. My best friend at that time said, "this is just a phase you're going through." I knew deep down, she was concerned.


Well, ten years later, today, I can attest to you this, this is not a phase. A phase is something that eventually comes to an end.



When I accepted Christ I found joy. Peace. A Best Friend.


No matter what I have done, big or small, He forgave me! That actually took me several years to wrap my mind around. How could a sinless, holy God, the Creator of everything, forgive me for all the wrongs I have done. Every lie. Every thought. Every action. How?


Condemnation is something the devil used on me for a long time. I had to come to a place where I realized that to be saved, I had to be lost. To be fixed, I had to be broken at some point. To be redeemed, I had to be a mess.


I thank God for the time in my life that I was lost, broken and a mess, for He was able to lift me up, out of the dark hole I was in and set my feet on a solid foundation.

Ten years later, I can say I have went through a lot. I have had pain. I have had heart ache. I have felt betrayed. I have felt used. I have felt alone. I have felt worthless.



But, sin, Satan or myself caused all that. I can't, won't and don't blame God for anything bad in my life. If you blame God, you are once again being too prideful to see your own faults and the devils tactics. People ask all the time, "why do bad things happen to good people?"


Simple answer is this, if life was perfect and flawless, we wouldn't need God. I know I wouldn't. If everything was a bed of roses. If every time we got our bills in the mail, I had $10,000 in the bank, I wouldn't have a need to depend on God ever to supply our every need. If my children never were sick, I wouldn't need to depend upon God to touch them. If my marriage never had any issues, I wouldn't need God to show me what true love looks like. If I had zero problems in life, ever, why would I need a Savior?


He came to save! Not to condemn! He is also coming back for a people who is spotless and without wrinkle or blemish. No, not a perfect people. But a people who is set apart from the world. Set apart from evil. Evil can look pretty sometimes I have found. Sin can disguise itself better than anything.


Hobbies, social media, technology of all shapes and forms, books, magazines... they can all influence you to sin and you don't even realize it. Hobbies can take up so much time you neglect God and even your own family. Social media can cause discontentment and jealousy. TV, phones, computers, they all have a hundred ways to lead to sin. What you read... again, will influence your thoughts.


I have had to learn that what I see, what I read, what I put my time and effort into, better be glorifying God, or it's a waste and it can be a death sentence to me spiritually. I've lived life for nearly three years now with no cable or social media. And I'm still alive! I have found I make much more time for more important things without those types of things in my face all day. Ask God what you're putting to much emphasis on in your life. And ask Him if it's effecting you positively. If the answer is "no," then get rid of it. Life is too short to waste time and to not be as close to God as you possibly can be.



Again, I am far from perfect. I never claim to have it all together. I don't write a blog because I think I know more that you or your pastor. I write because I want to reach maybe just a few people, Lord willing, who may never step foot in a church.


Whether you're from America, Europe, Asia, or any other place on earth, just know that I take time out of my day every couple weeks to write a post on here, in hopes to encourage the Christian and in hopes to reach the lost.



God has been waiting for you sir or ma'am. Or young person.



I was a lost 17 year old girl, but ten years ago today, I accepted Him into my life and He came into my heart, soul and life! He filled the empty hole in my heart that nobody else ever could. And He wants to do the same for you!



Simply confess your sins to Him. Ask Him to forgive you. Believe on Him! Trust in Him! Talk to God and pour out your heart to Him.

Romans 10:9 says,

That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.



and 13...


For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.



 Don't miss out on the abundant life. And mostly, don't miss out on eternity with your Father!



I could give you the science behind God existence, or the history that bares truth in the Earth and in the Bible, but the best proof of God being real is how I feel Him all over inside of me.



Today is the most special day for me. I pray that if you haven't had the same, you will do so today, and we can share this wonderful date together! What a blessing that would be!




God bless you all and thank you for taking the time to read what I have to say.



Comparison

 

 

 

Comparison.

 

 

Oh, comparison.

 

 

 

 

It is something that robs us of our joy.

 

 

Do you ever find yourself glancing to the left and right, seeing how much you aren't measuring up to those around you?

 

 

 

 

She's prettier, skinnier and smarter.

 

 

 

 

Or maybe you're the one who's causing others to compare...

 

 

 

 

You have a nicer home, car and clothes.

 

 

 

 

 

Within a few minutes after refreshing the page on your social media, you find yourself feeling inadequate and even the green eyed monster... jealous.

 

 

 

After talking to your friend on the phone and they excitedly tell you that they are expecting their FOURTH child when you've been trying to have ONE with your husband for eight years.

 

 

 

Your best friend gets the promotion at work and now can afford to take his family on a Disney vacation. Something you've only dreamed of doing for your family.

 

 

 

Your friends are getting married, having babies, getting great jobs...

 

 

things you maybe have been praying about.

 

 

 

 

Pride causes comparison. Comparison causes discontentment. Discontentment causes jealousy. Jealousy causes you to do and say mean things. Mean words and actions tear apart friendships and families.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm sure you have "one up" on many people. Yet, you feel like you still need to have more. You need to be more. You need to have more friends. You need to be in the center of attention more. You need other's praise more. You need to be better than her so that you'll just feel good about yourself. You need to have a better house than them so you'll feel you've accomplished something in life. You need to be a better cook than her because that is what defines you as a good wife and mother. You need to have your home perfectly clean or others may call you dirty. You need to lose some weight or people will make fat jokes about you. You need to gain some weight or someone will ask if you have worms. You need a new haircut so you'll stand out from the other girls at school. You need to get better grades in college than him so you can get more awards later on that year. You need to buy your grandkids nicer things than they buy their grandkids so that you'll be the cool grandparent.

 

 

 

 

 

Comparison leads you to discontentment.

 

 

It says in the bible...

 

 

..in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Philippians 4:11

 

 

 

 

 

When Grant and I suffered a loss of a child, whom was still in my belly, I was only a couple months pregnant. But we had wanted another baby for a while at that point.

 

 

I had a handful of friends around me who were pregnant, and I remember for a split second feeling jealous that they got to be pregnant and I didn't. I was not content in that moment...

 

 

 I wanted our little baby back in my belly and NOW.

 

 

But, August Shalom had already made it to heaven as I had these bitter moments here on earth and I had to realize that God allowed me to walk through that trial to realize that no matter my circumstances, I receive my happiness and joy souly through Him.

 

 

 

 

 

Comparison, ladies AND gents... can cause you to look at others and become discontent with what you have. They have a happier marriage and he is always doing special things for her. He works so hard and helps her with the kids. She is always making him his favorite meals and I can't even make toast. He is more funny... she is prettier than my wife...

 

 

Comparison may not sound deadly, but what it can lead to, is extremely dangerous.

 

 

Marriages fall apart every day because it all started with someone comparing and not being content.

 

 

As I have said before in a recent post, about 99% of mine and Grants issues in the past were because of me not putting him first. I put the kids first and then God and then Grant. At the time I thought I was putting God first, but if that was the case, Grant would have slid safely into second place on my priority list.

 

 

It happened for several months after giving birth to each of our two kids. I was busy with the kids and thought Grant was an adult, so he could make it on his own. I stopped caring much about his needs and they became little of importance to me, and then he started to care less about my needs.

 

 

For those of you who have been married for any time at all, you know that you don't have to have a kid thrown in the mix of things to cause stress and issues, but I was amazed at how much our lives changed each time we brought home a pink and a blue bundle of joy. My priorities were mixed up big time for the several months after bringing each child home, but last spring I asked God to truly change who I was. Change my priorities and show me where I was wrong.

 

 

 

And boy, did He show me.

 

 

 

Comparison CAN only be a good thing when you are comparing what you have to what GOD wants and desires you to have.

 

 

Last spring I found a way to compare my life as wife and compare it to a biblical wife. I saw through God's word where I was wrong in many ways.

 

 

 

I want to leave you with something that helped me.

 

 

Comparison can rob you of many things.

 

 

Look around your house. Look in your purse. Look what's hanging on the wall or what's in your hands. Does any of it cause you to compare to others in a negative way?

 

 

Open your Bible and see what God says about being content and about jealousy. Read what He says about being a husband, wife and parent. Read what He says about life and happiness.

 

 

 

The world always will have something bigger and better to offer. You'll always find something new to compare to. That is NOT God's will for your life.

 

 

Simplify your life and saturate yourself in doing things His way, not yours.

 

 

 

You'll only find happiness when you step far away from comparison.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



What makes a true friend, "true?"

 

 

 

We have all said it or heard it.

 

 

 

 

"You're my best friend."

 

 

 

 

 

It's good to have a close friend. A best friend. Even if you have five, a few or just one.

 

 

 

It isn't wrong to have close friend.

 

 

 

 

There are many instances in the Bible where someone was lifted up either physically, spiritually or emotionally by a friend.

 

 

 

To me, that is what makes my friends true.

 

 

 

 

 

It's nice to get a compliment on how you're dressed or how your hair is fixed.

 

 

It's nice to get a compliment that you sounded great singing.

 

 

It's nice to hear you did awesome in that ball game.

 

 

It's nice to hear you cook the best chili ever... right, babe?? :)

 

 

It's nice to hear you are a hard worker.

 

 

It's nice to hear you're a good boss.

 

 

It's nice to hear you're a wonderful mother.

 

 

It's nice to hear you're a good friend.

 

 

 

 

 

BUT.

 

 

Friendship goes beyond compliments and kind words sometimes...

 

 

 

 

Everyone feels loved in different ways and everyone shows love in different ways.

 

 

Have you read that book on the five love languages??

 

 

 

I honestly think "food" needs to be one of those, because that is all Grant would ever need to give me to make me feel loved.  Ok, maybe not all, but that really would be my primary language I am sure!

 

 

 

 

 

I love Grant, so after I learned what his love languages were, I try to meet those needs.

 

 

 

 

He has done the same for me. For example, my second top love language is gifts.

 

 

 

So, that means I feel loved when someone gives me something!

 

 

 

The other day, just because, he gave me a necklace that is in the shape of a heart and says "love" in the middle in cursive writing.

 

 

 

One of his top languages is physical touch, so.... I have been making a point to just walk up and give him a big ole kiss on the mouth randomly!

 

He doesn't mind it either!

 

 

We have both been trying to meet each others needs because we love each other!

 

 

 

ANY, and I mean ANY time in our marriage when things were less than perfect... was because we were in a bad cycle of not meeting each others needs.

 

 

Now, you may be reading this and you're marriage is just amazing and you never disagree and your spouse would say you meet every one of their needs on a daily basis... then you can just stop reading this now. Because you won't need any advice from this young married gal.

 

 

 

 

 

We just celebrated 8 years in December.

 I don't know it all and I don't claim to... but I have learned a few things.


 

 

Honestly, the only truly stressed out times I felt in our marriage was after each of our kids were born and I was putting our kids before my marriage.

 

 

 

 

Easy trap to fall into for us moms.

 

 

 

 

The kids need bathed, fed, entertained, diapers changed and loved on! Grant---- he can fend for himself because I'm tired and I deserve to rest!

 

 

 

I saw that I was right and he was wrong.

 

 

End. Of. Story.

 

 

 

 

Well, after a few come to Jesus meetings... with only me and Jesus.... I saw where I was so wrong in so many ways.

 

 

 

Life is just so short ladies, to live life for yourself and expect everything to be handed to you from everyone around you. Stop expecting your husband to be perfect. He wasn't when you married him, so why do you think he should be now as well??

 

 Man, that is advice I wish someone would have given me about four years ago!

 

 

I don't feel comfortable giving actual orders or advice to men, but I will suggest just loving her like Christ loves the Church!

 

Moving on.


 

 

Grant is my BEST friend.

 

 

He has seen the best of me and the worst!

 

 

He has cuddled me in the middle of the night and made me feel like I am all that matters to him!

 

 

He has written me countless letters telling me how much he appreciates all I do for him and the kids.

 

 

He buys, sells and trades better than anyone I know and that is a great way he supplements our income on top of him preaching for his Uncle Garry at his church and traveling when he can to preach out of state. He makes ends meet for us and me and the kids have not once needed for something.

 

 

 

He sits down and plays with our kids.

 

 

He reads the Bible to us and prays for and with us.

 

 

He will even randomly give me a back rub!

 

 

He has always been quick to say he is sorry (and mean it...)

 

 

He has also always been quick to forgive!

 

 

He loves me and he shows it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have learned a lot about my best friend, my spouse, Grant Daniel.

 

 

 

I mostly have learned more about myself through him.

 

 

 

We have helped each other become better people, parents, spouses and mostly, Christians.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Outside of your spouse, or if you're not married, obviously I'm speaking to you as well...

 

 

 

It is good and healthy to have someone you can depend on and know they see eye to eye with you!

 

 

 

A true friend is not going to be jealous of you.

 

 

A true friend will not speak negatively about you behind your back.

 

(That is why I like to just go to the person and explain how I'm feeling! That is best because you'll end up letting your emotions boil over and you'll say things you regret to other people.")

 

 

A true friend isn't going to make fun of you, or make you feel inadequate.

I have been around people like that... and it all comes down to them being insecure and needing to make someone else feel bad about themselves too.

 

 

 

A true friend isn't going to always make the conversation only about them.

A true friend will be trustworthy.


A true friend will laugh with you... not at you!


A true friend will make you look smart in front of others, not stupid.


A true friend will not point out negative things in your life. They will encourage you!


A true friend will write you a letter!


A true friend will take you out for dinner just because.


A true friend will sit with you when you're having a rough day. And just be there.


A true friend will come visit you in the hospital.


A true friend will get on their knees and pray for you until they see that prayer answered.
 

 

A true friend is going to pray for you and with you.

 

 

I have went through a few pretty tough times in my Christian walk.

 

I can remember when someone would come and pray with me.

 

 

When Jack was told by a neurologist this last summer that he may have tumors on his brain and may have cerebral palsy, I was very down. I was very worried.

 

 

My father-in-laws older brother, Garry Ledbetter, drove clear out to my house and came in and prayed over little Jack. That meant so much. I had many people praying, and many called to pray, but it just felt extra special when he drove out here to be with me and pray.

It was at that same time when my friend Kara came out with her husband and her dad and they surprised us with a huge box of food and gifts for our kids. They wanted to make sure we felt loved during that tough time.



 

 

When we wanted Ray to have a sibling, we wanted a baby for about 13 months, got pregnant, then shortly after miscarried.

 

My mother-in-law sat and comforted me that entire day.

 

 

After I had Raylea, our first baby, I was tired. Really, really tired. I had some awesome friends who made me food and that helped me a ton.

My friend Melanie drove around 12 hours, pregnant herself, to come to the hospital to stay all day and each day she would rub my lower back because I have scoliosis and my back was KILLING me.

 

 

Just days after Raylea was born I remember my mom walking in my back door, grabbing a rag and wetting it and wringing it out. She got on her hands and knees and wiped up my floor.

 

She knew I always had my house tidy, but since I was so exhausted, she took it into her own hands. Folded clothes, cooked, held Raylea. She cared more about seeing me then she did Raylea it seemed! She wanted to make sure I was taken care of too, I suppose. And I was.

My sis, Hill, lives far away right now, but she always sends me random goodies in the mail. She just sent me to the coolest North Face coat you've ever seen for my birthday/Christmas. She definitely meets my "love language" needs! :) But, it isn't just big stuff she sends, she sends me little things that mean just as much, if not more because I know she was thinking about me, and had to haul three kids to the Post Office to ship it to me!

That is love right there, people. :)



I gave those few examples because those are examples of what true friends do and those examples popped in my brain.



They SHOW they love you. Not just SAY it.




A true friend wants what is best for you.

They aren't always trying to have one up on you.




A true friend is rare.




My closest and dearest friends are those who love me for me, want what is best for me, cry when I cry and laugh when I laugh.

I am sure your closest friends are that way as well!



Cherish those friends or maybe it's just one friend.



But cherish them.



Show them that you love them. Learn what makes them feel loved and go out of your way and make them feel loved. Sometimes it's just spending time with them, sometimes it's encouraging words, sometimes it's helping them do something, sometimes it's buying them something that shows you were thinking of them and sometimes (if it's your spouse!!!) it's a hug and a kiss!




Life is too short to pick people apart. Too short to be selfish.



So pray and clear your heart and start new right now if you've been wrong in any relationship or friendship you have.




 



Finding forgiveness

 

 

 

 

David messed up.

 

Bad.

 

 

It says he was a man after God's own heart.

 

 

 

Who knows we can be men and women after God's own heart, but still, mess up.

 

 

 

I love the 51st Psalm. David is broken and sorry.

 

 

 

Today I want to concentrate on 51:3.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.

Psalm 51:3

 

 

 

 

 

 

David is taking responsibility for his sin. He is telling God that he sees it and he isn't blind to it.

 

 

 

The first step in receiving forgiveness is acknowledging your sin.

 

 

 

Who says sorry for something that they don't believe they even did?

 

 

I'm not talking about when you and someone have a disagreement and you say sorry to help peace come back in your relationship. Even if you did nothing wrong, sometimes it is best to apologize at least for the situation to show your meek and sweet attitude.

 

 

 

 

When you are wrong in a situation, whether it's towards God, a family member, a friend or a complete stranger, if you're truly sorry, you will admit and acknowledge your wrong doing.

 

 

 

You won't try to cover it up. Tempting at times, but useless and truly ridiculous when you're wanting a clean and pure conscience.

 

 

 

 It has always been a little tougher for me to say I'm sorry than it is for Grant.



For me, it takes a little bit of time for me to see where I was wrong. I usually have to put myself in the other persons shoes and say to myself, "how would I be handling this if I was in ______'s shoes?"


Grant though. He has always been very quick to apologize. That has always spoken volumes to me.


 

 

 I know if a person is being genuine in their apology or if they are just wanting to do "their part."



I think the biggest reason I wait to say I am sorry is because I like to be real. I am not going to act fake. I won't say sorry unless I am.



God knows your heart.


He knows if you're really sorry towards someone.


Better yet, He knows if you are really sorry towards Him.



I was broken and sorry when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.




We must be broken for God to fix us.





Every one of us is broken. Every one of us needs God's fixing Hand applied to our hearts and lives.



I'm forever grateful for the day He fixed me. I'm still not perfect, but I am striving for holiness and a pure heart towards my God every day.



I want my children to know that their mom loved their dad, but mostly I want my kids to know that I loved God. Not just on Sunday morning, but on Monday night. Wednesday night. Friday night. And Saturday morning.



I want to wake every day with a broken heart and go to bed the same way. God does not despise a broken heart and spirit. He wants to show them mercy and love. He runs to those who admit they need God.



I need God!!!!


I have made so many mistakes. I am human. I have regrets. I have sinned.



You have too. You have made mistakes. You are human. You have regrets and you have sinned.




God doesn't look at someone and say, "well, they messed up way worse then this person, I need to be more partial to this girl here. She hadn't ever kissed a boy before her wedding day! And this boy, he has never told a lie to his parents. I need to make sure to give him more attention than this boy over here who has lied his whole life."


NO.


Once you surrender your heart and life to God, we are all the same and one thing. The same word.




BROKEN.

FORGIVEN.

REDEEMED.




 

 

 

 That's what I am and that's what you are if you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.



Be broken before God once again.




See your sins before you.



Turn from them and REBUKE satan.



Rebuke him out loud right now! He HAS to flee.


I just said out loud, "I rebuke you Satan, in the NAME of JESUS, from anyone who is reading this blog."




We have authority over him. He is terrified of the Father.




Lean into God's arms, child. He is waiting and longing for you.




Just be broken.



He will fix you.




He sure has done that for me.



 



I'm not who I was

 

 

 

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

 

 

 

 

 

It has been nearly ten years ago that I accepted Jesus into my heart. I knew and heard about God, and I truly thought I was a Christian growing up. I thought that because I never killed anyone, I admitted that I believed in God and I wasn't worshiping the devil, that made me alright.

 

 

 

As a young child, I was a little hard headed. Then, when I was a teenager, not that I was a snot, but I knew how to be a brat if I needed to be! I made some poor choices (as each and every single person reading this has to some extent...) in my teen years. All along, I still believed I was a Christian. I had friends that were doing "a lot worse things" than myself, so I really figured I was a good Christian compared to many around me.

 

 

 

 

One of my biggest regrets is lying. Whether it was to my parents, to my friends or to myself. The thing about lying, is you have to keep making up more lies to cover up the original lie. I told a handful of lies, but I would consider two or three of them whoppers.

 

 

 

One was to cover myself. One was to make myself look "cool" when in all reality I wasn't at all. One was to make myself feel better about myself as a person.

 

 

 

One thing I can say I learned from lying, is that the best thing in the world to do, (whether you're a Christian or not,) is to just tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth from the start. That would have saved me a lot of heartache.

 

 

 

 

I was very consumed with wanting to be accepted and popular in school. I wanted to have a popular boyfriend, which I did for a little while, but as most high school sweethearts turn out... they turn sour and south real fast. I'm pretty sure there needs to be a rule that you can't "date" someone until your brain has fully developed. Scientifically they say a brain isn't fully developed in both male and female until 25 years old! That means my brain just stopped developing two years ago!

 

 

 

 

 

My junior year was a major life changing year for me. I started out that year with all intentions to do what I wanted to do and when I wanted to do it.

 

 

 

 

I had no idea that that fall my parents would begin going to a church in Wellington, Kansas, called First Free Will Baptist Church.

 

 

 

 

I sat in the services and felt nothing. For about two months. Then, on a Sunday morning I felt a deep pounding in my chest. Pastor Zane Brooks, my dad and the associate Pastor at the time, Joplin Emberson, asked if I wanted to go pray. I said sure. I knelt at the front the church with them and didn't know what to say. I just cried. I will never forget Zane looking at me, crying and saying, "Hannah, God knows what your tears mean, you don't have to say anything." I remember that made me feel so good, to know that God knew me that well, even though I didn't know Him.

 

 

 

 

 

I know there are many people who will read this and say, "well you were saved then! You felt Him, so that's when you were saved."

 

 

 

 

No. That isn't.

 

 

 

 

 

Fast forward a couple months to Wednesday, March 15th, 2006.

 

 

 

 

 

Jason Bruns was sharing his testimony for the first time to the youth.

 

 

 

I felt a strong desire to go forward to pray, but I didn't.

 

 

 

He said to the singers, "sing another song, I feel like there is one person in here who needs to come forward."

 

 

 

I didn't have to think twice. I knew that person was me and I knew I needed God.

 

 

 

 

I got to the alter as soon as I could. His fiancé and soon to be wife, Anna, explained to me what it was to be a Christian. I knew I had lived my whole life as a lie. All the way down to believing I was a Christian, when I wasn't.

 

 

 

I again had no clue what to say or to pray. She led me in a prayer of repentance and I accepted Jesus into my heart and life! I aloud Him to take control of my life, instead of myself. I immediately felt as though I could fly! I felt such a strong weight lift off of me.

 

 

 

The next day I told some friends sitting around me what happened and they all looked a little concerned.

 

 

 

I could write a book, and one day I plan on it, so I can tell more details of my life and all God has done through me.

 

 

 

 

He has been my best friend. He has given me a husband who loves God, and two children who are the cutest things you've ever seen. He's given me a warm home, food in my pantry, and a family who loves me, just for who I am.

 

 

 

I know that not everyone wants to accept Jesus.

 

 

 

In the Bible it talks very clearly about how many find their way to destruction, and few find Heaven. It is God's will and desire for all to come to know Him as Lord and Savior, but He is NOT going to make someone serve and accept Him. That's why I like the Free Will doctrine. We believe God gives each and every person a free will to make decisions in life. You and me are a sum total of the choices we have made. What choice will you make? Will you choose to serve Jesus today? Will you choose Him no matter the cost?

 

 

 

 

God wants you. He has always wanted you.

 

 

 

 

Stop living life for yourself. You won't have a U-Haul behind your hearse full of all your things.

 

 

 

 

The bible is clear on living holy and a separate from the world.

 

 

 

So many want to argue today for things they know deep down are wrong. Whether it's being gay, having an occasional drink, gossiping, cussing or lying or sleeping around.

 

 

 

When you stand before God one day you won't have an argument for what is right and wrong. God made it very clear and simple in the Bible that if we love Him, we will keep his commandants.

 

 

 

 

With my whole heart have I sought You: O let me not wander from Your Commandments.

Psalms 119:10

 

 

 

 

 

Once I was saved, I wasn't perfect. I have to depend upon God every day. I have to ask for Him to forgive me every day.

 

 

 

The difference between who I was before I was a Christian and after I was though, is this...

 

 

It didn't hurt me to hurt God. I didn't care to change and I didn't care to let Him speak to me and show me how to be closer to Him.

 

 

 

 

 

After I was born again, I hurt when I hurt God. I don't WANT to go to bad places, be around evil things, go see movies that cuss and have nudity in them or be with people who don't care about God. I love people, but once you witness to them and they have clearly let you know that they don't want to serve God, you have no need to fellowship with them. They will only bring you down.

 

 

 

 

 

I pray that anyone who reads this will let the Holy Spirit speak to their heart.

 

 

No job, no amount of money, no relationship, no mansion, no new car, no new clothes, no vacation...

 

 

NONE of that will fill the void in your heart.

 

 

 

When you die to yourself and realize you need a Savior, that is when that void is filled.

 

 

 

 

Depend on Jesus. He is the only One who will ever bring you true happiness and peace.

 

 

 

Your best friends will let you down, your family will let you down, your spouse and kids will let you down....

 

 

But, there is One, Jesus Christ, who will never ever let you down.

 

 

 

 

 

In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me. Psalms 56:11

 



1 month

For the first time in all the years I have written my blog, I did it for each day all month! I know not all entries were long, but I pray each one ministered.

I will go back to writing once every few days or maybe daily occasionally. 

Remember God is the answer and the only way.

He is all you need.

He's your everything.

Accept Him if you haven't already.

Time is running out.

Sitting in my stand

I'm sitting in the deer stand. Just waiting.

I had a moment before I need to put my gloves back on, because boy it's chilly!

I just wanted to remind you that God IS the answer to any issue you have and any trial you're facing in life.

Trust Him today and allow Him to take Lordship of your life!