We have hope.

 

This has been an awful week.

 

Grant and I were so excited about having our second child.

 

Raylea was going to be a big sister.

 

Then, we had a miscarriage.

 

Those who know me best, know that my way of healing and expressing myself is through writing.

 

I've had someone poke fun at me in the past for keeping several journals at the same time.

 

I just love to write.

 

I can't help it.

 

And I don't want to.

 

It's a gift God gave me, so therefore, I will use it.

 

 

 

 

I have cried.

 

I have balled.

 

I have went to sleep crying.

 

I have woken up crying.

 

I have felt emotions I didn't even know I was capable of feeling.

 

There has been a few songs that have helped me through this week.

 

The one that has offered me most peace though, is the beloved hymn,

 

 

Through it All.

 

 

I know that song by heart.

 

 

I have sang, read and cried those words for years, yet,

 

the message I received from the lyrics this week,

 

have been life changing.

 

 

I am definitely still grieving.

 

I actually told myself I wouldn't write on my blog about this personal experience until I was

 

completely healed of my hurt and sorrow.

 

But, I have found peace in the midst of the darkness.

 

I can be sad at times.

 

I can cry at times.

 

The Lord let me know that is okay.

 

He holds me when I cry.

 

He holds me when I laugh.

 

He just holds me.

 

 

I know not everyone has been through a miscarriage or loss of child.

 

I pray you never have to.

 

But, for those who have, I am sorry.

 

You're not alone, even if you feel alone.

 

You're not.

 

One thing I have found is how little people want to talk about a miscarriage.

 

They don't know what to say I guess.

 

One pointer I can give you, is say,

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"I'm praying for you."

 

"Let me know if I can do anything for you."

 

That's about the extent of what needs to be said.

 

And hugs are greatly appreciated.

 

I will never forget the flowers, cards, gifts and hugs I have received this week.

 

Thank you again to those who have offered kind words and actions.

 

One day, Grant, myself, and little Raylea will get to meet that little peanut.

 

God gave me a dream that was so perfect and peaceful.

 

I will share it when I feel ready.

 

I know this post is much different from those in the past,

 

and I don't feel I am "ministering" by sharing my story at this very moment,

 

but I do know my baby has a purpose.

 

And always will.

 

I am here if you or someone you know needs to talk about a similar situation.

 

This is about as in-depth as I feel comfortable with going right now.

 

Thank you for reading.

 

Thank you for caring.

 

Thank you for praying, mostly.

 

 

 

I've had many tears and sorrows,
I've had questions for tomorrow,
there's been times I didn't know right from wrong.
But in every situation,
God gave me blessed consulation,
that my trials come to only make me strong.

 Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to trust in Jesus,
I've learned to trust in God.

Through it all,
through it all,
I've learned to depend upon His Word.

 I've been to lots of places,
I've seen a lot of faces,
there's been times I felt so all alone.
But in my lonely hours,
yes, those precious lonely hours,
Jesus lets me know that I was His own

 I thank God for the mountains,
and I thank Him for the valleys,
I thank Him for the storms He brought me through.
For if I'd never had a problem,
I wouldn't know God could solve them,
I'd never know what faith in God could do.